I want DS to fall asleep without the boob and not crying - am I being unrealisitc?

[Stefka]

I signed up for an evening class but right now I am thinking I will have to cancel as DS will only sleep if I feed him out. I tried putting him down awake last night but he screamed and after fifteen minutes of trying to comfort him from the side of the cot I gave in and just boobed him out as usual.

Ideally I would like a routine that his dad can do so that I can go to this class but right now I don't feel confident that he will sleep without me. I was thinking of trying singing tonight to see if that will send him off (although not sure how DH will feel about that!) - am I being unrealistic?

Stefka, I can't wait to see the replies to your post - am in exactly the same boat myself and don't know what to do. Sorry not to be any help but do take comfort that you aren't alone.

How old is he now Stefka?

Remmeber also that if he is fed, you can still go to the class.It won't kill him to scream a bit. If he's with his daddy and not just left alone and distressed, he will be fine.

I'm convinced babies pick up on the mother's tension. Often getting completely out of the picturehelps.

Or he could just stay up with his dad until you get back. Leave the two of them cuddled on the sofa and put him to bed when you get back. I know it might mess up his routine but there will be less crying and stress all round. Might not work if the class is very late but he might fall asleep in his dad's arms. So good for you to do your own thing - they might find their own way of getting him to sleep when you're not there.

hi Stefka, another boobaholic DS here BUT... he went on a nursing strike for 2 days and would not take any milk at all. My first thought was "oh no how will I get him to sleep" as he feeds to sleep. It was actually OK, DP or I just rocked and cuddled him and he went to sleep without boob. Perhaps as moondog says, you could feed him then leave him with his daddy?

I read this book and am using some of her ideas for gradually getting DS off to sleep without a boob in his mouth, progress is slow and gentle but seems to be working - at night he'll now go into his cot awake but dozy after a feed.
www.amazon.co.uk/No-Cry-Sleep-Solution-Through-Pantley/dp/0071381392

Stefka, would second the recommendation of zebedees - the book made a real difference for my dc in terms od allowing me to put him down awake, and only took a week or even less to see big difference. I did "allow" a bit of crying though but never for long and more of a grumble really. Still wanting longer sleeps but hey, one step at a time...Also sure you're husband could cope with him for a bit. Good luck

i think some crying is an inevitable part of babies settling themselves to sleep. it just depends how bad or for how long....

Absolutely agree nowwearefour. Though it's taken me 5 months to reach that conclusion..

I personally have a differnt take on this because ds was aleays breastfed by me before bed but 80-90% of the time he would stop feeding when he had had enough.

I would then lie down with him or cuddle him and he would cry and cry and cry. This went on from when he was about 4 months old until he was about 18 months old.Bedtimes almost always involved at least 15 mins of crying sometimes more.

Breastfeeding didn't help to get him to sleep much. This did mean I would sometimes feed him and them leave him to dh and go out as it made no difference if I held him or dh did.

So although it was a very stressful time and I remember it was an awful time really and I'd wonder if evenings would ever be a 'nice calm wind down time', the plus was that I did go out sometimes and leave ds to dh

Now at 3 years old, I can;t see that the crying did ds any harm and our bedtimes have become lovely calm affairs (most of the time anyway !!)

My 3 month DD also only goes to sleep with a feed, except when DH puts her in a sling and marches up and down the high street. If he puts her down really gently then she's out until she wakes up for a nappy change. I have let her cry before but within about 5 mins she's incandescent with rage and throwing up, which I can't bear.

I would advise The Baby Whisperer technique.

Until 5 days ago, my ds 18wks only ever went to sleep on the breast. I am now trying to turn that around and the only times he now feeds before sleeping is at 7pm and the dreamfeed at 10pm.

It is not easy and you have to work on the day naps first. He cries between 5 mins and half hour before his daytime naps but I never leave him and he falls asleep eventually.

He has also gone from feeding every 2 hrs at night (because I used to feed him to sleep every time he woke at night), to not at all, and last night only 2 wake ups.

He's 18 weeks - he will be 20 when the course starts. I am so confused by all the different info. I have been feeding him to sleep then going in to shush him if he wakes up before 11 - after that I just feed him but sometimes he is up 8 times in the night so I think I have taught him bad habits. He never falls asleep on his own.

Stefka - you have NOT taught him bad habits. He's so little that you can still count the amount of time he's been in the world in weeks! Some babies settle for long periods at night quicker than others, that's all. There are ways you can gently help him to learn to feel comfortable and settled so that he'll get himself back to sleep if he wakes and isn't too hungry - I'd second the recommendations for No-Cry Sleep Solution. And your DH cuddling/rocking him to sleep once in a while will be lovely for both of them...

Another vote for the sssh-pat baby whisperer technique.

Bad habits at 18 weeks?
Give yourself a break, girl

You have done a great job making the little dude happy
and in fact only now is he slowly entering the phase where the word 'habit' might be more applicable.

Depending on his personality, making the transition from boobing to sleep to self-settling at 7pm
does not have to be a prolonged struggle.

Unfortunately, if your time frame is 2 weeks
then No Sleep Solution on its own will not help.

It was the HV who said that to me about the bad habits - she said I need to leave him to cry. He doesn't cry though - he screams hysterically cos I tried it last night. I gave up after fifteen minutes.

Can someone explain shh pat to me?

Why am I not surprised? Been there, Stefka - thankfully, my mum, an ex-nursery nurse with 50 yrs experience said it was a load of nonsense, and that the baby would sleep better as she got older. And she did! When she was about 7 months we did bits of No-Cry SS and shh-pat. We'd get her all sleepy, but in cot awake, and then pat her gently, shhing all the while until she was fast asleep (did shifts of 20 mins each as it took a while to start with). Did this for a few days, then shh/rest hand on her until fast asleep, then shhh next to cot, not touching, until fast asleep, then further away from cot until we were shhing outside the door. After a while we didn't even have to do that. She had a wobble over Christmas, so we had to restart a bit, but it didn't take long. She has stories before bed, but she finds them too exciting now (16 mo) so after stories we rock her in the dark until she's calm and relaxed, and then put her to bed.

Key things for us were deciding on a plan and sticking to it, supporting each other and taking it slowly. It turned out to be an enjoyable process. Have a radio with earphones handy, be comfortable, and the one not doing the shhing provides the tea/wine.

Ha - cut straight to the wine - sod the tea!

Well, indeed. You can make it quite nice for all of you, but it isn't a quick fix. I'm not really a believer in quick fixes, tbh, but I know that everyone's situation is different and some people will feel it's necessary. The 2 week think I would deal with by your DH cuddling/rocking in front of TV if necessary, then work on a longer term plan.

Look Stefka, that HV is talking bollocks! You can try all the books you want but your baby is 18 weeks old and if he likes being fed to sleep then all power to him, in my humble opinion it is way too early to worry about trying to get your baby to sleep without boob. My baby still wants to be fed to sleep and he is two!!

I was just like you, although I'm aware that some mums go off and do things in the evening for some babies who like being fed to sleep it is nigh on impossible to do so. Cut yourself some slack and do an online course instead.

I don't think it is right to leave a baby crying at all until they are much older!

I have noticed that HV's are good at that!

The course was more for me to get out of the house and chat with people but I do think I will try and cancel it. If I can get my money back then I will leave it. If I can't then I guess I can give the first one a go and play it by ear.

Good Plan!

We did a practice run tonight and he fell asleep at the bottle of expressed milk so I guess my boobs are not the all powerful sleep machines I thought they were!