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1 month old only sleeps 45 mins in crib but can sleep 5 hours in arms

5 replies

Anonnewbie · 18/08/2023 02:48

Looking for advice/tips/similar ecperiences. Baby is 1 month old. If we are holding him he will sleep forever - during the day I tend to put him down or change his nappy etc so that he wakes up and feeds every 2-4 hours as I don't want the long sleeps to be in the daytime. At night we let him sleep and he will easily go 5 hours without waking if he is held.
He's not terrible with the bassinet. If he's asleep we can put him down and he doesn't wake up, the problem is he then wakes up 45mins later like clockwork and I'm rarely able to settle him again (every now and then 20 mins of effort with my arms in the bassinet will extend the sleep for another 40 mins or so).
All the advice I can find focuses on teaching them day and night, or else focuses on the putting down and how to avoid startling them awake immediately. Neither of these is the problem we have!
i know this is roughly the length of a baby sleep cycle so it's obviously a case of him rousing at a certain point and being upset he's alone, and/or waking himself up with movements because when held he can't jerk about so much.
we have tried:.

  1. Swaddling. Helpful for getting him to sleep for the initial 45 mins but otherwise useless.
  2. Putting him down drowsy but awake. Haven't been able to get him to sleep doing this at all. If it works at such a young age then we will try more often - at the moment I often can't face it because it's a guaranteed hour or more of struggle if we try (he becomes slowly more and more awake until he cries, then it takes quite a while to settle him unless I feed again and let him sleep at the breast).
  3. Cosleeping. He's not quite so clockwork with this - he will sleep (in a wiggly half awake way) for a bit longer, but he wakes to feed very frequently and doesn't take full feeds.

Now my husband is back at work, I am left with the choice of getting about 30 minutes sleep with him in the crib, or getting him to sleep for ages but I'm on the sofa so shouldnt be sleeping with him. The only real sleep I'm getting is in the evenings when husband can hold the baby for a few hours while I sleep. I'd do anything for a bit of sleep between midnight and 6am at the moment!

I'm not sure if it's best to hold him at night so he learns to have a long sleep at night or if I should just suffer through cycles of short sleeps and then having to feed again all night , if this will teach him to sleep in the crib. I always end up feeding though which is annoying because I just struggle to settle him once awake otherwise

Sorry for the long post!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
mamacat6060 · 18/08/2023 11:25

Please look at biologically normal infant behaviour and sleep.

Sarah Ockwell-Smith is great for information and gentle tips.

They are currently in the 4th trimester, it's absolutely normal that they want to be close to you ❤️

kernowpicklepie · 18/08/2023 11:33

Ignore drowsy but awake, that advice is always terrible and rarely works for the majority of babies.
It's super normal for them to sleep longer on you than in their own bed.
Have a look at these infant sleep accounts on Instagram, they all saved my sanity with DD in the early days:
Little nest sleep
Second star to the right
Fox and the moon infant sleep
Lyndsey Hookway

Jk987 · 18/08/2023 11:40

mamacat6060 · 18/08/2023 11:25

Please look at biologically normal infant behaviour and sleep.

Sarah Ockwell-Smith is great for information and gentle tips.

They are currently in the 4th trimester, it's absolutely normal that they want to be close to you ❤️

It might be normal but that doesn't help the OP who is suffering with lack of sleep!

OP, it's hard but it definitely will improve. Often there's a shift at 6 weeks. Do you have anyone else who can come and hold the baby while you have a sleep in the day?

Anonnewbie · 18/08/2023 12:33

Thanks I'll look at those. Everything I follow at the moment is pretty much advertising for their paid programs, and I suspect they won't tell me much I haven't read elsewhere - after all if there's a magic formula that news would travel fast!
I understand they want to be close but it's frustrating that co sleeping is still a challenge as he's very close to me then! I think we might actually be entering a new phase where he sleeps better on others than on me - he wakes to feed every hour or two on me Vs 3-5 hours on others presumably due to the milk smell.
I think what I find confusing is that everything I read or hear refers to how long they will sleep for at night but that's sort of irrelevant to us - his sleep length is based on where he is not what time it is. I'm happy to hold him lots and have a sling and front carrier for the day, but it would be nice to extend the cot sleeping beyond 45 minutes as it's obviously not hunger waking him. I guess maybe I should persevere with soothing him by holding him without picking him up (unless he really cries) and eventually it might work!

At the moment my husband takes him, sometimes with a bottle of expressed milk, in the evening and I go and sleep as long as possible so I'm no longer on the edge of sanity most days but definitely sick of being awake from 2am til 7am now husband is back at work! Luckily I have plenty of family and friends offering to hold him while I sleep in the day but it would be so nice to get my days back a bit by sleeping more at night.

OP posts:
mamacat6060 · 18/08/2023 12:47

Jk987 · 18/08/2023 11:40

It might be normal but that doesn't help the OP who is suffering with lack of sleep!

OP, it's hard but it definitely will improve. Often there's a shift at 6 weeks. Do you have anyone else who can come and hold the baby while you have a sleep in the day?

Actually knowing that something is normal can be highly reassuring. I also provided some resources for great info.

But thanks for jumping on my comment 👍

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