My ruined sleep and I

[SleepWhereDidYouGo]

FTM here going on 11 months of sleep deprivation. I haven’t done things by the book and currently we are I sleeping and touch wood the wakings reduces from 2 hourly to 2-3 times per night.

I am doing all the nights as I co sleep with my LO as DH is a very heavy sleeper and LO doesn’t like the cot (or more so is used to me with him in bed). I am exhauuusted and the cumulative effect of the sleep deprivation over the span of a year is taking its toll on me. I think my body forgot how to sleep, it’s like sleep anxiety - it won’t relax as it knows that it will be woken up soon. But the other problem is that I also often stay in bed on my phone late watching series or shopping or chatting to friends, in a quest to have much needed me time. And whilst I understand that this should not be at the expense of my physical health, because I can’t easily relax and agitated laying there in bed my hand naturally will reach out for the phone and the cycle continues.

H E L P

😬

Have you tried some guided meditation podcasts?

i need to push myself to try, I think the problem is that it sounds boring and my stupid brain craves dopamine and entertainment other than peekaboo and twinkle twinkle.

Just here to offer my support and sympathy. Id like to say I remember it well but actually I don’t remember much about that time in my life at all as I was surviving on practically no sleep. My second was up easily 4-5 times a night. I spent the entire time in a daze. I totally recognise the inability to get to sleep as you knew any second you’d be woken up. That took a long time to recover from…even once she started sleeping through the night. (She could now sleep through a bomb going off!). It will get better OP even though it might never feel like it at the moment.

I feel for you, sleep deprivation is really hard.

I've never got back to sleeping in the same way since having a child now 2, who now sleeps fine separately while I spend hours awake in the night for no reason. I can survive on less total hours though, used to need 8-9 hours to feel on top of live and couldn't have gone to work on 5, now 6 is a good night and I can get through to lunchtime on 4-5. I think the body must learn to sleep differently, more efficiently somehow.

The only thing I've found that helps me is exercise and restricting myself to only sleep within an 8 hour block, no naps/lie-ins/early nights unless on the point of collapse.

Hope you get some good sleep soon.