2yo Ds is scared to go to sleep- any tips?

[Dragonhart]

My ds is frightened to go to sleep after a number of bad dreams. He fights going to sleep and acts up as soon as bedtime story is over to try and get us to stay in the room.

We have been rapid returning for the last 2 months, so I am pretty sure it is not just that he wants to stay up but that there is something more to it than that.

We have tried spraying the room to get rid of monsters, magic toothpaste to stop bad dreams and a night light but none seem to be working.

Anyone had similar problems and if so did you find anything to help?

Anyone?

Hi
we had a similar time with ds (2.3) a few weeks ago. The things that have worked for us are:

• same routine, same story each night, same pyjama putting on game etc - helps build security before bedtime as he knows exactly what's happening next
• he sleeps with 2 soft toys, so we talk to them as well as him - read them the story, then ask them if they're tired and want to go to bed (which of course they always are...!) and then ask ds if he's tired and wants to go to bed, and then ask the toys to look after ds, and ask ds to look after the toys, give them all a kiss goodnight, and then tuck them all in together. Sounds ridiculous I know, but I think it's really helped him feel as though he's not being left on his own when we leave the room.
• we tell him that we're downstairs if he needs us
• we leave the hall light on
• if he cries for us, we go in, reassure, stroke and then leave quietly, telling him we'll come back to check on him later

It took about a week to get back on track and it was really hard going, especially as if dh went in to reassure ds would cry for me, and vice-versa, and it was also difficult as he kept waking dd up as well! But now he goes down without a hitch once again (until the next phase....!)

Oh, one last thing, he also woke in the night a lot crying out for us, and one night when he was particularly insecure, I wrapped him in my pyjama top, and he went straight to sleep.

and another thing, I took him to the park loads to wear him out, so that he was really pooped at bedtime.

now we just have to try and sort out our non-sleeping, ever-feeding 7month old dd....

hope this rambling helps - and good luck!

Thank you galina. Was beginning to think I was the only one it had happened to!

Thing is, we do all the things you mention. In fact, your routine sounds almost identical to ours! DS has always slept so well (appart from afew hicups that have lasted a week or so. He has always had a bed time routine, and almost always gone to sleep after we have left the room, on his own.

It suddenly occured to me that dh has been working very long hours and DS has seen him alot less than normal. Sometimes he gets quite upset when he leaves, only for a few minutes but he has tears in his eyes and says he feels sad. We have been trying our best to reasure him but it has unsettled him.

I wonder if this has anything to do with it or if he has just got into the habbit of doing it at bedtime?

Hi, my DD (1.11) is going through similar to your DS. She seems scared to go to sleep in her cot, so we have got into a bad habit of putting her into our bed and waiting while she falls asleep. Tonight she just wouldn't drop off, so in desperation we put her in her cot. And she launched herself out of it! In a Grobag. I seriously think she could have broken an arm if we hadn't been there to catch her, as she threw herself out with real force. So we put her back in our bed again and waited till she fell asleep. Help! We are going insane doing this every night! Do you think it is insecurity-related? I have been working long hours and seeing her a lot less recently. Could it be that simple? Do you think any change in routine could affect sleeping patterns? Good luck with yours and I feel your pain

Sunnydale- I think it depends on your dc. My ds is quite emotional and I stay at home with him so he is used to our routine, which used to include DH coming home at 430 every night then having sat and sun off, but he now works 12hour shifts, supposedly 3/4 days a week but he has been working 5/6 days for a while now. As they are in bed by the time he gets back, he only sees him and my dd2 on days off which have been mostly once a week.

I was wondering though, my ds is a big lad and he started to get quite restless in his cot, moving around alot at night and sometimes having problems getting to sleep. We swapped him to a bed and he was like a different boy. Think it was too cramped for him and the mattress uncomfortable. Might be worth a try?

Hi
My DD (3) goes to bed okay, but insists I stay in the room. When she has fallen asleep I leave (never used to be this way - I could leave her awake reading a book and she would snuggle down by herself). Anyway - after about an hour she wakes up and screams the place down, and refuses to go back to bed and back to sleep. I keep putting her back to bed but she just gets out again and ends up falling asleep on the floor in our bedroom. This has been going on since Christmas and is driving me around the bend ...... Can anyone help?!!!

Sorry - new to this - should I have posted the above messge elsewhere?!!

DD was a lot like this at about 2.7. We tried all sorts, ended up with the fairly obvious - nightlight, and leaving bedroom door open. But what finally really cracked it was telling her that whoever was reading bedtime stories would be back in five minutes. Made it quite clear that if she got out of bed this would make no difference, it would be five minutes. Of course she can't tell the time, so if she was upset five minutes would be more like three ... but after a couple of days she stopped getting up, and would wait patiently. She would get maybe three five-minute checks, and then it would go to ten minutes (and we might swap parent if she was being particularly exasperating).

I honestly don't know why it works, it was a friend's idea and I resisted at first as we have very different parenting styles, but it really does work with DD. Oh yes, 'work' in the present tense, we still do it now and she's nearly 4! But it's pretty painless, she starts to get upset after her last story, is placated with the promise of a visit after five minutes, more than nine times out of ten she's snoring by the time I get back.

Thanks Dragonhart. The way DD threw herself out of her cot tonight, I reckon we have no option but to move her to a bed. That was scary. I have no idea why she's taken against her cot, but I imagine it's because she knows mum and dad can't fit inside it to snuggle next to her - unlike the bed. Rope trick, here we come! Also I don't read her a bedtime story in bed - our routine is In the Night Garden, story in the living room, milk in the bedroom, sleep (she used to drop off on the bottle - oh happy days!)So maybe I'll try the story technique you mention, DontCallMeBaby. Sounds v sensible, many thanks

dontcallmebaby- WHat do you do inbetween the checks? DS gets out of bed repeatidly, so sure he wouldnt last 5 mins. Or 3. Or even 1!

BLB, you are welcome to join in with the sleep problems but I would start a thread as well as you would get more answers to your problem. Sorry not much idea how to break the habbit, maybe try dontcallmebaby's tip. Sound good to me and if I can find a way to keep him in bed for a short while will def try it.

Sorry, went to bed! Now up again, grr, where is my mothers' day lie-in?! Anyway, I usually go downstairs, and when it was initially a problem I always went downstairs. We have a stairgate at the top of the stairs, so that stopped DD following. My friend had a stairgate across her DD's door when she used this technique.

My other bedtime 'trick' is that the last of the (incredibly indulgent) four stories DD has is always something beyond her - Alice in Wonderland, original Winnie the Pooh, Grimms' Fairy Tales, that kind of thing. Not quite as reliable as it once was, but still makes her drop off half the time.

Right will try it tonight. Usually wait outside his room and he comes back and forth so will say I willbe back in 5 mins and then go downstairs. We have a start gate on the stairs so will try closing that.

Wish me luck!

Any joy, Dragonhart?