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Original poster

HV says leave him to cry

13 replies

Stefka · 28/02/2008 14:26

My DS is 18 weeks old and over the last two weeks has started to wake up several times during the night after sleeping reliably for seven/eight hours. My HV says he shouldn't be hungry and that I should just check he is ok then leave him to cry as I have created a habit in him of being fed at night. I just think he'll get hysterical, that he is very young still and maybe he is actually hungry?

I keep being told I must leave him to cry. I am exhausted so it's tempting in a way to try but I don't think I can listen to him crying either.

OP posts:
BabiesEverywhere · 28/02/2008 14:30

You need to do what you think is right for you and your child. He could be hungry when he wakes at night, if you feed him and he settles, then he needed feeding You can not spoil a baby, give him what he needs and you will feel better for it.

I couldn't listen to my DD cry, easier to cuddle, nurse, potty and back to sleep peacefully straight off, than spend ages listening to crying.

The research shows that the the babies who are promptly responded to in the first 6 months of life, cry significantly less in the next 6 months....so a win win situation to my mind

Habbibu · 28/02/2008 14:31

It's not The Law, Stefka, despite what your HV might say. To be honest, at 18 weeks I'd still just feed - quickest way of dealing with it and getting back to sleep. You don't have to tell your HV - I did a lot of nodding and smiling. It could be lots of things - growth spurt, early teething, new developmental stage. May well just settle again, and in my (very limited) experience it's easier to help them learn to settle when they're older and can understand a bit more.

BoysOnToast · 28/02/2008 14:34

trust yoir insticnts.

if you want to try to 'teach' him different habits, there are more 'scientific' ways to go about it, than just plain leaving him to cry. much kinder ways.

i feel your pain, re exhaustion. remember it all too well.. but dont let anyone tell you what to do. do what YOU feel is right.

the sleep book for tired parents is good. other people recommend the no-cry sleep solution, the baby whisperer... theres lots of stuff out there. read as much or as little as you like (if i have any of the books you are interested in, i will send you to borrow if you like, gratis, or you canb try the library or amazon) - and then take only the bits you agree with and FEEL are right. and dont let anybody tell you what you feel is invalid.

good luck

OverMyDeadBody · 28/02/2008 14:37

You don't have to listen to the health visitor you know, just go with your instincts and do what feels right for you. If you think he's hungry, then feed him. If that stops him crying, then he probably was hungry, or wanted the comfort anyway.

I fed DS on demand and never left him to cry.

As Habibu said, you don't have to tell your HV what you are doing either, or whether or not you agree with her.

RedJools · 28/02/2008 14:44

I would echo everyone else- do what you feel is right. People kept telling me I should leave dd1 to cry, but I didn't feel confident that she wasn't ill/ hungry/ frightened so didn't. when she was a year old, and I felt more confident we did a kind of CC, as I knew she was crying only for my company. I don't think wee babies are manipulative. My ds is 15wks and usually sleeps really well, but he had a cold last week and started waking in the night again. It settled down within a week or so. I bring him into bed with me (I know a lot of people don't approve but it works for us) so that the sleep deprivation is kept to a minimum! A couple of times when I've really felt that he isn't hungry I've tried just giving him his dummy and that has worked a couple of times (but I usually have to bring him in and feed him!)I think people talk a lot of rubbish about bad habits. At this stage I just get on with it- its actually not so hard to break "habits" at a time when you are less tired and feel more confident, IME. Good luck!

flowerybeanbag · 28/02/2008 14:48

If you think he's hungry, you are probably right, you know your own baby far better than your HV.

colditz · 28/02/2008 14:54

At 18 weeks I'd feed the baby. He won't be doing it forever. Ds1 woke up twice a night at this age, but had stopped by 13 months andf now sleeps beautifully.

phraedd · 28/02/2008 18:35

maybe keep a sleep and milk diary for a while. He may not be eating or sleeping enough.

Trust your insticts as you are mummy and you know your baby better that any health visitor.

bubblagirl · 28/02/2008 18:51

i was feeding my ds in the night at that age how does someone know who is not there that abby isnt hungry

we wake up hungry at times and so do they just feed him he will settle back off again more content

i know its not pleasent waking but my ds didnt sleep through until 7 mths and we got it to a feed and left him once i knew nappy was clean maybe bit of gripe to alliminate wind

then i'd leave him he would be settled and content

its your baby and you will know best what is right for you and him

i done trial and error throughout and it always worked for us

LadyJogsAlot · 28/02/2008 18:56

i cuddled and nursed my baby til it felt 'right' to let him settle himself.
if it doesn't feel right yet then maybe wait a few weeks and reassess the situation.

nobody should tell you how to care for your baby. however, if you are too tired from the night wakings and aren't coping anymore then read up on controlled crying, it does work.

yetihed · 28/02/2008 19:05

Hi Stefka...

My baby's sleep pattern changed at about 4 months too- lots of them do apparently. It's a growth spurt, so I'm told. Have a gander here

OneHandedTypist · 28/02/2008 19:37

4 MONTHS OLD? i THOUGHT NO 1 not even Ferber himself advised denying night feeds b4 6 months. Babies have 2 eat at night 2 grow, that's their primary biological function until 6 months old. I read recently Ferber went to advising 8-12 months for sleep training, too.

melpomene · 28/02/2008 19:50

I agree with the others; it is likely to be a growth spurt.

I left dd1 to cry on my HV's advice when she was about 6 months old, and it was the worst parenting mistake I have ever made. It was agony listening to the crying (she could go on for hours) and although we persisted it did not work at all. Her sleep did not improve. 4 years later, dd1 has quite an anxious personality and I sometimes wonder if leaving her to cry contributed to that.

Don't do it.

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