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3 months old - potential sleep regression

7 replies

chloejoy · 09/08/2023 03:25

so i’m pretty sure my 3 month old is going through the 4 month sleep regression! we rock him to sleep and transfer which is something i’m happy to do to get him to sleep but i’m aware this is now causing issues as everytime he wakes after a sleep cycle he needs rocking back to sleep so i’m up every hour in the night doing this! is this something he will figure out on his own? i know he’s too young to sleep train and it’s not really something i’m interested in anyway i just need some reassurance that this may pass by itself? it’s weird because every few nights he will start the night with a 4/5 hour stint then it’s every hour after that so how come he can link cycles for the big stint every few nights but then can’t do it after that or can’t do that at the start of every night it’s like every 3rd night i’ve noticed he will do a bigger stretch? very confusing so any advice or helpful information on this appreciated! like i said, happy to rock him to sleep and to continue soothing him in the night too really but i’m just not sure if there’s anything i should be doing to help him to soothe himself as he’s not getting very good sleep due to waking every sleep cycle bless him and just seems shattered and groggy a lot so not sure if the rocking to sleep is now just affecting both of us negatively as it’s preventing him from linking cycles himself and he wakes up pretty frustrated! he doesn’t really cry though when he does wake up just makes a lot of noise and i never know how long to leave him to see if he will put himself back to sleep as he has done this before but it’s inconsistent! sorry to ramble but just trying to give all info i can think of that’s related! any tips or advice appreciated x

OP posts:
Jamtartforme · 09/08/2023 03:48

Hi! Fellow 4 month regression victim awake here as well 🥱 this is my second DC and unfortunately I’ve learned regressions are really something you just have to wait out. You can help it end at its soonest natural opportunity by keeping things familiar (ie settling them in the same way at each wake up) but beyond that it’s just waiting for them to outgrow it. DS is currently awake every 90 mins or 2 hours, with a longer wake up at 2am of about 2 hours. He previously slept through for 8 hours so I am KNACKERED. Sending ☕️

MissHavershamReturns · 09/08/2023 04:45

For us it just passed by itself.

komoic · 09/08/2023 05:14

Oh bless you, the 4 month regression hit us so hard with our first, I won't even share details as will depress you, but solidarity cos I've been to sleep hell and back and it's awful! So hoping our new baby sleeps better, so far so good, but everything really does change at 4 months! 😩

Try not to get too hung up on idea that they 'can't link sleep cycles' because like you said they actually can and will do for parts of the evening and for some naps, but you're right they will also look for help to get back to sleep between them too.

They say don't change anything during a regression. So for example with a toddler going through a regression you wouldn't start trying to drop their name or change their bed time to later or anything. You just try keep everything the same and ride it out quick as possible, or else the changes you make will probably stick and might not have been needed so you choose wisely. With a smaller baby it might be about the method you use to get them back to sleep each wake. Say pre regression you might find they're easy enough to settle using X Y and Z ways but then became so worried about them sleeping well you start just doing X which you think might be most effective and then that becomes the new norm and the only resettling method that they will accept from them on. For us that became breastfeeding to sleep each and every wake so we cut my husband entirely out of the equation and it was all on me from that point. I was trapped and exhausted.
So I would say at this stage in their sleep journey it's important to think what is sustainable for the long term. If that's rocking then go for it. But do remember they do get heavier and you have to be able to keep rocking them even when you're poorly and maybe even when pregnant again if that's applicable to your future! Some nights you might really not fancy it for various reasons...
but a positive is that rocking does hopefully mean you can share it between you and other caregivers, and I would make sure you DO share it (particularly right now to set the tone) just to ensure baby always accepts others at night, not just you, as that is the serious issue if this goes on long term (which for us it did, I'm sorry 😞)
Hopefully for you this will be a couple of weeks of hell and then that's it.

Eventually yes this does pass all by itself, even if you do absolutely nothing. Some sleep train to move past it faster, but it doesn't work for every child, I know it wouldn't have worked for us, and they often have to do it multiple times as will go back to square one every time baby is poorly or goes on a trip or hits a new developmental stage. Sleep training went against every fibre of my being so I could never have done it anyways, and if you feel the same please do not feel like it's your only option. A million people will tell you that it's the only way they will 'learn' how to sleep and let me tell you categorically that's not true at all and breaks my heart that people are made to feel so scared for the future that they leave their little baby screaming for them alone in a dark room while they cry in another room.
No judgement but just to say if sleep training is not what you want I promise you don't need to and if you want to comfort your baby to sleep you absolutely should do that!

One final note, if this does persist beyond a couple of weeks and your shattered please do explore co sleeping even if it's something you never ever wanted to do as with some kids it's just inevitable and gets everyone a better nights sleep. I wouldn't rush to it right now though if you're keen to avoid cos like I say whatever you do around about now will likely become the norm for a good while

chloejoy · 09/08/2023 09:22

@Jamtartforme yeah my little boy was doing 6-9 hour stretches before so it is rough hahah

OP posts:
Supermathsdoc · 10/08/2023 14:31

For me this lasted a 6 full weeks. I spent a lot of time reading about sleep training methods and settled on an approach after lots of agonising.

When it came to do it, I did our normal routine, put her in her bassinet and closed the door. In 30 secs she was asleep and since then she only wakes for feeding (1 and 5am) she’s 6m and I wish I had just done it earlier! But then again maybe she needed the time?

chloejoy · 10/08/2023 14:38

did you wait to attempt the ‘sleep training’ method until 6 months or did you do it while they were going through the regression? my little one is definitely showing signs of being able to settle himself im hoping he will get it by himself without the need to sleep train essentially but we shall see

OP posts:
Supermathsdoc · 10/08/2023 15:59

She started pretty much bang on 4 months and I waited 6 weeks; essentially in that time I tried to get her schedule as good as I could with daytime naps, get the routine and environment right and then at 5m and 2 weeks I decided to do it as I felt she was ready and I knew what I wanted to do.

what I can’t tell you is what might have happened if I’d continued rocking/patting/shushing her, maybe she would have gradually needed less? As it was she fell asleep by the time I got to the bottom of the stairs and hasn’t looked back!

I know other people have had different experiences and this is just ours fwiw. I’m sure there will more regressions to come and they will present their own new challenges.

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