19 Month Old Screaming in Cot

[Aims17]

Hello 😊

19m DS has been very up and down (I’d have to say mostly down) sleep-wise since he hit the 4m regression. I used to feed to sleep but stopped breastfeeding when he was 15m and since then he has been rocked to sleep. This has been fine because he started very occasionally sleeping through, or only waking once for a bottle and a cuddle and then he’d go back down until 6.30/7am. Over the last few weeks however, things have taken a turn for the worse again. He goes down ok most nights however, when he wakes, I can get him back to sleep easily but cannot get him back in the cot. Eeeevery time I lower him down, he wakes and screams. He won’t even co-sleep properly - if I try and lie down with him he wakes up and cries, he just wants me to hold him in my arms.
Last night I was taking my mum to the station (she comes and looks after DS on a Monday) and DH had put DS down when I got back as he was super tired. He told me that he’d put him in his cot awake and sat with him whilst he went to sleep after reading his stories. Apparently he screamed the entire time but it only took 10mins and then he basically slept from 7pm until 8.30am which has NEVER happened. It took maybe 5/10minutes longer tonight.
I’ve always refused to do CC or CIO as I couldn’t bear it but I’m worried that this is sort of the same thing as he wants to be held and we’re not doing that so he’s really upset. I would have preferred to do it more gradually, but not really sure how that would have worked as he has been waking up and screaming when being lowered into the cot after being rocked to sleep anyway!
Basically, this long ramble has been to see if anyone thinks this will affect the relationship/trust we have with DS as even though he isn’t being left alone, he wants to be held and that’s not happening now. I don’t want him to have less of an attachment and to feel his needs aren’t being met.
I think it’s effectively the gradual retreat method but to be honest, I won’t be doing the retreat part - quite happy to stay until he falls asleep, just want him to be in his cot. Like I said, I was happy to continue rocking to sleep and I don’t mind getting up once or twice in the night but the fact he won’t go back in his cot is a big issue. I’m not getting nearly enough sleep and neither is DS xx

I can only speak from my own experience. But I’d leave him to fall asleep on his own after a relaxing bedtime routine (bath, stories, whatever works for you). My DS (25mo) often (but not always) cries when we leave the room after stories. It lasts a few minutes max. We used to leave a nightlight on and a book in the cot so he could “read” to himself or his toys (we encourage him to read to his toys if he wants another story). I say used to because he was climbing out of his cot at 18mo and we moved him at 20/21mo. He actually cried less once he went into a single bed because he knew he could get out if he wanted to. We also have a light he can turn on and off himself. So he has the autonomy to read/get his toys/do the light. We’ve had to be strict on 2 stories or he cries for longer and bedtime becomes a nightmare, but it’s not distress so much as wanting to continue the party. We tell him he needs to sleep so he can do lots of fun things the next day, and that we are going to sleep too but in our bed (he asked me to stay with him tonight). I haven’t stayed with him until he’s asleep since he was about 6 months, we did do a version on CIO around that age and it helped him sleep through too. In fact, I leave DS2 (7wo) alone but awake in his cot with white noise on whilst I do bathtime with my eldest and he’s often asleep when I go back to him (as often as “often” is when you’re 7wo).