Falling asleep holding newborn

[DChesh34]

My 5 week old son does not like being put down in his crib day or night. He sleeps fine when he’s on you but after falling asleep with him a couple of times, I really need to get this sorted as I know it’s really dangerous (however, it’s the only way either of us get any rest and we don’t do it on purpose).
We have recently introduced formula purely as a supplement and I’ve noticed it’s making him constipated. Could this be the reason?
Is sleeping on his back painful? As I said, he sleeps fine so long as there’s a warm body near him.
Anyone experienced this?

We found this with our little girl. We ended up doing 5 hours shifts in the night so we could each get some sleep. Our girl is 5 months now and sleeps in her next to me. She wakes up a couple of times in the night to feed but it’s much better. We combination fed on formula and breast milk so I either expressed for when my husband was on his ‘shift’ or he gave her formula. It’s really hard and you’re doing a brilliant job.

This is very very normal for such a little baby. He’s been safe inside you for 9 months and so being on his own in a cot feels really strange for him.

You could look up safe Co-sleeping guidelines.

also try things like warming the cot, putting something that smells like mum in there, using a heartbeat or white noise device.

Yeah we’re trying shifts. I’m relieved that it’s common and not necessarily because he’s in pain all the time.
Is cutting out the formula the best bet for his constipation or do we power through? I don’t want to then reintroduce it and be back to square one?

As much as co-sleeping is nice, I do want him to be comfortable in his own space. I do completely get he’s been so used to be close to me though. Oh the trials and tribulations of newborns.

Thanks for the replies

Have you tried different types of formula? Maybe have a go with comfort milk for colic and constipation.

We switched from bf to formula v early, but didn’t have a regular constipation issue. There were a handful of constipated days, but she has had a poo like clockwork almost every single day. I think the formula keeps everything regular - she gets the same amount of milk at the same time every day, so her body went into a poop routine.

Maybe you could also try warm baths, tummy massage, a little bit of prune purée (Ella’s kitchen organic in baby food isle), jiggly walk in the pram, bumpy car journey, and we found that having her lie at a particular angle helped her poo.

I completely support the need for a baby to have their own space. We had baby in her own room very early on, and it has been fantastic. She sleeps really well, and is in a solid routine.

Good luck x

It sounds pretty normal. I know it's not advisable to sleep like that, but I would make sure you are in a position whereby, if you accidentally fall asleep, he can't roll anywhere - ie bolster under your elbow with pillows and get his head and body positioned.
Agree with PP to try and heat the cot with an electric pad and then remove it right before putting him in asleep.

I would look into safe cosleeping. Tucked in next to you you’ll both sleep well.

We had issues in the beginning and our HV advised us to put the baby to sleep in the pram. Not sure if anybody else's did?

If you are considering going back to exclusive breastfeeding you could look at safe co sleeping. The BASIS sleep website has good evidence based information on safe co sleeping. I know many mums manage to raise children without cosleeping but I couldn't have done it.

Really common and unlikely to change. You may want to embrace safe cosleeping. Most dangerous thing is falling asleep w them on a sofa, so planning ahead w safe cosleeping is much safer. Look at lullaby trust

how would you feel about moving back towards exclusive breastfeeding and planned bedsharing? it could be for as little or as much as necessary. I only mention the exclusive breastfeeding as it sounds like you were considering removing the formula, and also it's recommended for safe bedsharing.

some resources:
BASIS as pp mentioned
James McKenna
Lindsey Hookway
Safe Sleep Seven / La Leche League

Try to transfer him when he’s in a deep sleep then get some shuteye for an hour or so!

I managed this with both of my dc but it’s not easy and sometimes it doesn’t work but you’ve got to persist with it.

Safer to not formula feed and coslept safely. Formula is more likely to cause constipation as BF babies rarely become constipated and BFing is a protective factor against SIDS as well as the BFing hormones assisting you in sleep less heavily which also helps safe cos keeping.

if just power through the formula / try a different brand. Constipation is common, as is reflux….it takes them a while to adjust to the outside world but by six / seven months if you power through you can have them sleeping through the night in their own cot.

The first 3 months are always the hardest with a newborn. Look up the 4th trimester.
We had to co sleep because my daughter was exactly the same. We followed the safe sleep guidelines (you can find the guidelines on the lullaby Trust website), and it meant we all could get some much needed sleep. She's 14 months old now, and she sleeps in her own cot most nights.

Only way my baby would sleep was by cosleeping. Makes night feeding so much easier too if you're bf. Also please don't feed a 5 week old baby prune juice! Their tiny systems can only handle milk unless you've been advised by a midwife, gp or HV

My ds is just over 7 months and for the first 4 months we did co-sleeping as he always woke after putting down he's now sleeping in his own cot but does wake once to feed....it will get better

We had a pureflo nest that we were able to put our son in after he fell asleep. Tge guidance is against that but I thought it was probably less dangerous than being crushed by one of us.

I feel for you, it's hard. I do t think it's possible to remain sain with a baby that wants to be attached to you 24/7. So look at all the advice ang do what you feel comfortable with.

I doubt it's the constipation that's causing him to cling. Just age. I recommend actamil comfort milk for a gassy constipated baby. It really seems to agree with them better.

Hope you get some zzz

Wow. I didn’t expect so many responses (first timer here).
thank you to everyone for your advice - I have read them all and will consider everyone’s points!
HV has confirmed what a few of you have said about it being an age thing and to enjoy it as these weeks go by very quickly. She also advised to keep with the Aptamil for a little while longer just for the times where Dad has to feed him (slowly getting my life back a bit - oh the guilt!!!!) (expressing isn’t a thing at the mo, he's drinking me dry!!!!)
I have looked at Lullaby Trust to get co sleeping tips for when my husband and I can’t monitor each other!
Thanks again all! Great to know what a supportive network MN is!!

Ah i remember these days! It was similar for me: I'd be up all hours of the night trying to get my daughter to sleep in her Moses basket. Sometimes I would get say an hour-ish at 10pm, then not sleep again until 4am. Bouncing on my yoga ball trying to rock her to sleep. I used to listen to podcasts, watch documentaries, make myself coffee in the middle of the night to stay awake. Solidarity, I know how hard it is.

I never bed-shared. No shade to people that do, I was just too scared of squashing her or knocking her out if the bed! And breastfeeding was very painful for me so we wouldn't have managed that "barely waking to feed" situation.

Although the first two months were really, really difficult, she then was fine sleeping in her bassinet. I feel like it frontloaded the difficulty: things got much, much easier at about 8 weeks, from when we could put her to bed in her bassinet and enjoy the evening (or even have trusted people babysit).

In the short term, if you can express some milk, perhaps you can get someone else to take a shift with your son? My husband would sometimes take 5am - 10am, with her in the living room so I had the bedroom to myself to get some sleep.

This is the most sleep deprived bit, you will get more sleep soon !

Also, for me personally, I felt that getting into a feeding schedule and using some formula (a big bottle at bedtime) was the healthiest choice for my family. I was so tired that I was becoming extremely absent minded (pots boiling dry etc), and very sad at times.

I know other mums find it healthiest to exclusively breast feed and bed share, as they get more sleep that way (rather than trying to get the baby to sleep in a cot).

You just have to pick what feels best/manageable for your family, there's no right answer.

@Islandermummy thanks for your reply.
My husband and I are trying the shift solution but my son gets wise to the fact my husband has no boobs and becomes inconsolable again. We’re introducing the bottle before bed (husband doing the feed) to try to get him zonked. Trying with both expressed and formula to see what’s best.
Over the past few days, he’s going down in his crib but once he wakes for the first night feed, we’re back to square one and only I can soothe him.
I’m just accepting that these first few months are difficult but making the most of all the cuteness and snuggles (I say this at 6pm!!!!)
Thanks

For us, we found that getting into a feeding schedule during the day helped: 7am, 10am, 1pm, 4pm, (bath) 7pm. With flexibility of course if she got hungry in between, but trying to stretch to 3-hourly feeds.

Big feeds with really good burping (i.e. burp and then try feeding a little more) and always changed her nappy straight after a feed, to wake her up (except at the 7pm feed) so she was not feeding-to-sleep during the day.

The idea is that they take on loads of calories during the day so are less likely to need feeds during the night, and also they don't associate feeding with going to sleep.

That said, it might've been a fluke that she started sleeping a lot more after we got onto the schedule... you never know, do you?!

I found the sleep deprivation really hard (was shocked at how hard it was!), but it gets much better, I promise. So don't worry that you're finding it tricky, it's quite normal and it's temporary