When to implement a strict bed/ naptime routine?

[BooBooMamaJuJu]

I've been given wonderful advice in the past from this site- so I'm back again!

Basically I've been getting a bit of grief from a family member and some shady comments from a "friend" about how terrible it is I haven't got a bedtime or set nap time routine in place.

My girl is 14 weeks and by all accounts bloody thriving! I use an app which tracks her naps and bottles and i'll be honest, it is all over the place.
Typically she is down and in bed no later than 9.30/10pm (though I think teeth are on the move so that could go to pot soon as well) and when she is down I really think she would sleep all night if I didn't wake her for her night time bottle (another point I'm being given grief for, I shouldn't wake her and just let her sleep until she stirs).

I'm more than happy to follow her lead and let her nap when she starts showing signs of being tired. But I'm worried I'm possibly doing damage to her development by not instilling a strict nap schedule.

Should I? Is it too soon? Am I too late? Will it soon become redundant as she starts to teethe? Sorry if this is rambling, I'm just feeling quite judged by certain people in my circle and like all Mums just want to do right by my girl.

Ignore them, then giving you grief and being judgy arseholes is no reason for you to change your parenting if you are happy with how it’s going and your little one is thriving. Sounds to me like you’re doing a great job. I’d stop telling them things anyway, if they’re only turning them against you. If she’s gaining weight fine let her sleep as long as she sleeps, no need to wake her to feed once’s she’s gaining weight normally.

Certain people (often older generation) seem obsessed with babies having strict schedules. I'm sure this works for them but it isn't necessary. Most cultures and and most of human history, people haven't enforced a timed nap schedule on babies, it's not something anyone needs for their development. So long as the child is getting enough sleep and the parents aren't run ragged, everything is fine.

I was really routine led but that’s because I needed it for my own sanity! If your happy and baby is happy and thriving then do whatever works for you. One of my best friends has absolutely no routine with a 3yo and a 6mo and we often laugh that if I had to live her day then I’d go crazy, but if she had my fixed routines then she’d go mad too! Just do what works for you and ignore everyone else.

Only thing I would say that after the first few weeks if they’re gaining weight then there’s generally no need to wake them for a feed - it’s fine from a health perspective to let them sleep until they wake for it. So no need to make extra work for yourself! But again - if waking baby to feed works for you then go for it.

*you’re happy 🙈

When you start to use formal childcare or they go to school ?

I think this is one of these things that isn’t a problem unless it’s a problem to you. People will try to give you advice on anything though based on what they did but if you’re happy with how things are going you can ignore them.

I used the Gina Ford book, not to follow to the letter but I found the page about wake windows really helpful. We didn’t have any sort of strict schedule but it was amazing how much he fitted in with the times on there and I really would notice a lot more crying etc if he had reached the overtired stage which would have a knock on effect for the next 12-24 hours. The way I got round the night time situation was by waiting up as late as I could (half 11ish) to wake for the last bottle of the day. When he was really small he would wake up after this at 3/4 but eventually made it from bedtime right through. When it reached the stage that he really wasn’t wanting the last bottle of the night anymore I just stopped waking him for it and he would go 8pm until the morning. The naps and daytime sleep have a huge effect on the night time in my experience, not in terms of the less daytime sleep the better but just in terms of having them in a routine with it, knowing when bedtime is coming and not getting overtired.

Its worth looking at that book just for the page about wake windows though, it was really helpful ^^😊

Every child is different but my little girl was in a routine from day one and slept 6-6 not long after 🙂

"My girl is 14 weeks and by all accounts bloody thriving"

Sounds like you're doing an amazing job. So ignore everyone else. You'll know when she needs (and you want) to start any kind of nap schedule. It's usually around the 6 month mark if you do anyway x

...I did however always have a 6.30pm bed time routine from early on! So bath, book, feed and then not necessarily bed at that point if she's not ready for it but you might find the process makes her sleepy. X

Ignore your friend. For us it came naturally with DC1. Trust your instincts and your baby.

I think we started loosely following the Little Ones programme around 16 weeks, but that was more for my sanity - I found doing everything 'on demand' really difficult because my baby wouldn't nap in his pram at all so without a schedule to plan around I was nervous about taking him out of the house incase he needed a nap and I had to rush him home. I just looked for baby groups that fell within his wake periods or took him to the park if there was nothing on.
Have a schedule to plan the day around was really beneficial to my mental health and made me feel like I had some small element of control.
Luckily he took to it really well ( I would have stopped otherwise) and we're still loosely following their advice at 16 months because it seems to work well for him.
I also think it helped us get through the 4 months sleep regression relatively unscathed but that could just be luck or coincidence.

I’m torn… they are busybodies who should shut their mouth but in the same breath that’s a very late bedtime

More so for you, having a baby down earlier gives you time to compress and be yourself for a moment before the next day begins. So from a place of pure concern I’d be looking at bringing it earlier for you

However, if that works for you in the long run go for it as long as you get some downtime

She's only just learnt night from day which kicks in at around 10 wks approx.

I would follow her cues for now.

I was stupid with my first kid amd tried to implement sleep and feed schedules to soon from about 12 wks. I spent most of my day buying with him trying to get him to nap etc.

This time around I've done alot of reading and researching and have come to the conclusion that under 6m is too young to impose anything strict. This time I'm following sleep and wake window cues and baby is feeding on demand. No 2 days are the same but I have been getting 5 hrs straight a night since 7wks and all is well. I'm better rested even though much older this time and I have much more patience because I'm not as tired or fusterated.

If it's working for you and baby, keep going with it

I found that my DD and DS let me know when they were ready for an earlier bed time - DD would cry if not in a dark quiet room where she could sleep from 8ish at 4 months and DS just would fall asleep at 7.30ish from 3 months and then a nap routine fell into place after as they’d get up for the day at a fairly similar time each day and then need to sleep 2ish hours after and I followed a loose nap schedule so they’d have a big enough wake window for the time they went to bed.
No impact on development; it’s what works for you.

Do what works for you. Mine is 14w too and has slipped into the bedtime routine of my toddler, but naps when tired whenever that happens to be! It does mean I get the evening to mong in front of the TV and decompress while baby sleeps in front of us! Baby is nowhere near sleeping through the night though, wakes between every 2-4hrs at night.

I'd be wondering for yours with the night feed though - does baby wake for it, or do you wake baby to give it? I'd probably let them sleep and only feed if they wake.

Mine was in a routine from day one and slept 7-7 from age 2y1m.....yes, they are all totally different! 🥴

"Certain people (often older generation) seem obsessed with babies having strict schedules." Yep, all those older generations who raised hippy babies in the 1960s/1970s as opposed to the free wheeling Gina Ford babies of rhe 1990s/2000s! 🤣🤣 @BooBooMamaJuJu Just do what works. If what you're doing no suits you and the baby carry on with it. Smile, say thank you and ignore anyone who tries to give you advice you don't want to follow.

It's really a personal decision. I'm all about routines and started to implement one as soon as we were home from the hospital.

If you're interested, have a look at wake windows and see if you think it may help but if not, that's absolutely fine too.

The only thing I'd say is unless she has had issues with gaining weight, you really don't need to wake her at night. Mine was sleeping 12 hours by 8 weeks, it is totally fine for a young baby to sleep all night.

Around 4-6mo your baby will develop a circadian rhythm so can start to benefit from having a more 'time based' schedule (rather than wake windows etc). But that is more if whatever you're already doing isn't working.

My eldest had a clock based routine from 6mo and it was brilliant for him. My second baby still goes by wake windows at 14mo and that has been brilliant for him. Both have been similar sleepers.