Gentle ways to sleep train?

[Srx1]

Hello, is there a sleep training method that works but does not involve crying it out?

I just can't do it, my boy cries so much he gets really worked up and then needs calming down.He is 8.5 months and breastfeed.

I got the book by Lucy Wolfe- Sleep training solution but I am yet to read it and was wondering what else is out there?

I'm really torn as a lot of people swear by Ferber method but then also others are more for the gentle approach and say it is ok to rock the baby to sleep, cosleep, feed to sleep etc. ..

Thanks!

8.5 months is peak separation anxiety phase. My DD started sleeping through the night at 12 months. Her first year was hard but I responded to every wake up. Rocked, breastfed, co-slept. Whatever she needed and she sleeps amazingly now.
You're not doing anything wrong by responding to their needs. They're a baby, they need you.
If you want some advice/tips that isn't any sleep training then have a look at Instagram for the following accounts:
Little nest sleep
Hey sleepy baby
Second star to the right
Fox and the moon infant sleep

We did Pick Up Put Down. No crying it out involved, they get a cuddle every time they cry but then straight back to the cot. HV recommended it after we had a 2-month stretch of wake ups every 45 minutes between 7-9months old. First night we got a 4hr stretch and second night she slept through.

https://www.whattoexpect.com/first-year/sleep/pick-up-put-down-method-sleep-training/

I should add i always did cuddles, rocking, singing before that point. But i was going back to work when she was 10months and there was just no way i could work on top of the multiple multiple wake ups. So we had to crack it.

Just don’t do it, it’s cruel! It’s fine to rock and feed your baby to sleep. At around 15 months if they are still waking up a lot you can try back patting and shushing and cuddling back to sleep. It may take seconds or they may be sleeping through by then.
they are only tiny once. It does pass and it does get better I promise

@kernowpicklepie thank you!! It makes sense to me too that I should respond to his needs - the same way other mammals do but everyone keeps saying babies need to learn to self soothe and sleep independently and it's making it seem like it's the only way to do this . On the other hand, I was also rocked to sleep and I was a great sleeper, never had any problems with sleeping. I know everyone is different and I read and heard all sorts of experiences and I don't know what to think anymore. I don't want to be in a situation where I have to rock him until he's 2 but then again- not sure what else to do currently. Also, I feed him over night when he wakes up (unless he wakes up shortly after a feed) and he always feeds lots which makes me think he needs it. But somewhere I read that is a bad habit.

He started solids but is still mainly breastfed. He wakes up at least twice over night, sometimes more if there are some changes happening and wakes up at awkward times around 5:30 - sometimes he randomly sleeps longer. His daytime naps have always been 45 mins, again, sometimes randomly longer but rarely.
I'm hoping things will also change significantly once he's eating mainly solids.

How was your baby when it came to night awakenings before she was 1?

@CrispAppleStrudels thanks you, I will definitely look it up!

@BHRK I already do the patting and shushing and it works if I hold him or also if he's in his cot and not too upset. But rocking works at the moment, we've been through all sorts of methods before, different things worked as he was growing 😅

Ignore pp - it’s not cruel. It’s what is best for you as parents, and help baby get quality sleep. I think Ferber works, they know you are there and will come, and feel reassured, so will sleep longer periods. And it doesn’t disturb them so much. If they wake up where they fell asleep (eg in cot), they should feel more settled.

My eldest is 31 I never did CIO even though it was popular back then. I used to pick up and put down. Then gradual retreat means sitting with them next to the cot. Dc2 could sleep on a knives edge and slept well after feeds.

My 2 yo has always been cuddled/rocked/fed to sleep and although he doesn’t go to sleep alone (I give him a quick feed and cuddle him until he is asleep) he does know how to self-soothe as it were, I often hear him wake up and then get himself back to sleep in the middle of the night. If he does wake and not get himself back to sleep, I still breastfeed him back to sleep, simply because it takes a matter of seconds for him to resettle and any other method would take significantly longer. It’s not a bad habit, especially not if it works for you and your family.
I did find sleep improved quite dramatically around 12months and then we’ve been at 0-1 wake ups per night from around 15 months, however we also started capping his daytime sleep at that age.

@Pastaf0rbreakfast do you only breastfeed at night in that situation? That is another worry for me - how to settle him without the breast- when I eventually stop BF. I really hope his sleep generally improves soon as he's older. I keep feeling like I'm using the easy way out with these methods! My husband is more for Ferber and I do believe it works for some but I'd like to try something gentle ideally and then if it's really bad and things don't improve...

Every child is so different it seems!
@Mrsjayy I will try this thank you although I sometimes do it but I guess I'm not consistent enough

She was awake a lot, I fed her back to sleep most of the time. Easiest and quickest way! Then she hit 12 months and it was like a switch flipped and she self weaned from night feeds and slept through.
I thought it would never happen as her first year was waking up every 2-4 hours.
I have a DS now, he's 7 months and I am doing the same with him. His sleep seems better than DD's was overall but he still wakes in the night to feed.
It's really hard but try and ignore people telling you what you are doing is wrong, your instincts are telling you what is right and that's what matters. You just nod, say thank you for their advice but you're happy with your current way of doing things but you'll take the advice on board.
He's a baby, some still feed overnight until they're 2. They all get there in their own time, it's not a race although frequent wakes are frustrating when you're exhausted.
It won't be forever and at the moment he needs you. You're doing amazing! X

Lucy Wolfe book is great read that. If you look up the gradual retreat method it is similar to that. Worked really well for our child. Personally don't think there is a need for Ferber or anything that involves prolonged crying. With Lucy Wolfe you can reassure and respond etc whilst also encouraging independence and self settling xx

I think the crucial thing is how long it takes him to go to sleep if you feed,rock,sing or whatever. If it's quick and easy why change?

@kernowpicklepie oh wow that is amazing! I hope it is similar for us 🤞🏻Thank you very much! The thing is - my husband and I are not really on the same page when it comes to sleep, I know he wants him to learn to self settle and for bedtime to be done quicker but maybe it's just the way it is. Sometimes it is frustrating and sometimes it is easy but I guess that is normal..

@tulipsunday thank you! I will definitely look into it all a bit more as I think it might be more suitable for him, hopefully we get somewhere.

@CurlewKate it normally doesn't take super long if everything else has gone to plan, we do try to stick to wake windows as much as possible and watch for sleepy cues etc.. sometimes he gets wriggly and annoyed when i hold him and i put him in the cot then only to see he is falling asleep, he actually wanted to be left alone

Babies shouldn't self sooth, and your instincts are correct to pull back from this. As adults we look to others to help us sooth.

Continue to cuddle, pay, sing etc your baby to sleep.

No adults still sleep with their parents 😄

All three of my children self-soothed and the learned how to do it all by themselves 🤷‍♀️

We bought the book 'Teach Your Child To Sleep' by The Millpond Clinic. It has lots of facts and information and step by step instructions on different ways to deal with sleep problems. We did the gradual withdrawal/retreat method with our 9 month old. It took longer but was gentle and fitted with our family values. It also suggests other methods and you do what is best for your family.

How sad.

I don't judge people who decide to sleep train, I know people who said it worked like magic for them, I just think it might not suit every child. And I feel like nowadays it is suggested often that is the only correct way to do it, which made me feel like I'm cheating my way through this. Put the baby in the cot drowsy but awake sounds easier said than done! But it is great to see that people do other things too and that it works for them. I find it strange when I read that babies need to learn to sleep well.

@egowise
My dd actually didn't fall asleep to rocking, jigging etc she ended up extremely over stimulating by it. And at a very young age would fall asleep herself when put down. Never left to cry EVER, in fact she cried when being rocked or cuddled and when I put her down I would always stay right next to her but she learnt to put herself to sleep at 8 weeks old. Before this my husband and I tried for hours to get her to fall asleep. She also hasn't fallen asleep in the breast since 2 weeks old due to stomach issues she's had.

Take into consideration that some babies are genuinely more independent. Don't mum shame, some of us just have babies with different temperaments. No two babies are the same!

Also @Srx1 I don't have any first hand advice as DD was always a good sleeper but my very close friend has a lo like yours and at 12 months he totally turned a corner. And just all of a sudden started going through the night and not needing anything but mum to be in the room while he fell asleep on his own with no rocking etc. I think 12 months by the sounds of things is a real milestone sleep wise with babies! It's just such a long time. Good luck and you're doing a wonderful job!

@lorisparkle that is great, thanks for the book recommendation!! @NewCracker I really hope so! He had a few good nights recently but I don't want to get to excited because...regressions 😅 and thanks for everyone's kind words ❤️

I do completely agree that sleep is different for every baby. DS1 needed a very structured approach but once we had put in the effort he slept amazingly (and in fact that is his personality- takes a while to process information but once he gets it he really does!) DS2 was fairly random (and again that is his personality). DS3 was completely different. He was one of those amazing sleepers who just fell asleep by himself. Did not cry just went to sleep. However it needed to be on his routine and if you tried to get him to sleep to early or left it a little late he was a nightmare.

I read the book 'The Baby Whisper' and was amazed as it described each of my 3 DS perfectly.

@lorisparkle they are sooo different! And it's such a guessing game, what actually worked! My baby managed to have a proper, over an hour long nap in the last few days and i hoped something started to work but today he had his standard 45min nap 😩 it messes up the day so much!

Thank you for the book recommendation, i will check that one too!

@Srx1 Hi there
what did you end up doing? Has there been any improvement. My babe is 7 months and exactly like yours 45min naps, and needs cuddled to sleep. Recently cot transfers are getting so difficult. I’m considering sleep training but I don’t know what to do

Hey @Youweremybrotheranakin I haven't done anything different yet, I'm trying to stick to a routine and I still rock him to sleep and feed him when he wakes up in the night, however, his 7th and 8th tooth have just come out and his sleep has been bad recently, waking up every 2 hours. I must say, when my husband puts him down, drowsy but aeakr, he cries a bit and then falls asleep but when I do it it is a different story. He's very clingy at the moment.. He's currently been having 2 naps per day, although they can be 30-45 mins only. A few times he randomly had a longer one, I really can't figure out whyyy.
Basically I keep delaying any kind of training as he's teething and I dont want to upset him 😅 I am struggling recently though, I feel I am more awake than asleep in the night.
Oh I've started to use a comforter to get him used to it