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Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

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Original poster

How to help 5 yr old DD fall asleep

26 replies

Redhothoochycoocher · 27/07/2023 10:27

I have 2 Dd's. They share a bedroom and at night they have a story, youngest who is 3 has a bottle of warm milk and 5 yr old has a very small glass of milk. My youngest falls asleep no bother, she just rolls over and is out like a lamp. My eldest really struggles to rest and get off to sleep. I'm dreading every night at the moment and I expect she is too. She has her story and milk, a cuddle and a kiss and then tosses and turns constantly, flinging her covers on and off, asking a million qs etc I've no doubt she's actually tired (bedtime is 7:30/8pm) but she is so restless. Can anyone recommend something to help her settle? She's always resisted falling asleep and it can take her over an hour sone nights. Once she's asleep she's out for the night and sleeps really well

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WeWereInParis · 27/07/2023 19:47

Do you stay with her until she falls asleep? If so, do you need to?

My just turned 4 year old plays quietly and "reads" to herself once we put her to bed, and then goes to sleep when she's ready (generally about half an hour after we finish reading her a story and say goodnight). It's a lot less stressful for us and her than when we used to sit there and try and get her to fall asleep. She used to get a bit worked up when we sat with her - not upset, just like she was a bit stressed about needing to lie down and go to sleep.

Alternatively, if that wouldn't help at all, I know some people have found that an audiobook helps children go to sleep. Or would that wake your youngest?

Original poster

Redhothoochycoocher · 27/07/2023 21:55

I do and pretty much always have done 😕 I'm not really sure how to remove myself from that process although I do really like the sound of it

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Windercar · 27/07/2023 21:57

Let her read to herself to wind down. Some lavender spray. Dim lights.

mynameiscalypso · 27/07/2023 21:58

Is she actually tired? My nearly 4 year old often doesn't go to sleep until 8.30/9.

Windercar · 27/07/2023 21:58

Also absolutely no need to stay in the room - haven’t done that since baby stage!!

Namechanger099181919 · 27/07/2023 21:59

Have you tried white noise? Works wonders on my children getting to sleep, and me as well 🙈 got too used to the kiddies having it when little that I rely on it too!

NoLostCause · 27/07/2023 22:00

Would she lie in bed and listen to an audiobook? My 4 year old falls asleep listening to his Yoto box every night.

WhatdidIdoyesterday · 27/07/2023 22:01

We put relaxing music on (like spa/yoga type music) and tell DC to just rest/listen to the music if they're not tired enough to sleep. Usually they're asleep 10 mins later.

7.30 bedtime is quite early for a 5 year old? Mine were usually reading stories until 8pm and asleep between 8.15-8.30.

You could try an app like Moshi which has audio stories, or an audiobook if music doesn't work.

FriendsDrinkBook · 27/07/2023 22:02

I second getting a yoto box. They play continuously and can be controlled via an app. My son listens to his at bedtime.

RedRobyn2021 · 27/07/2023 22:02

I mean, it sounds like she's not tired enough to fall asleep. Can you try making bedtime half an hour later and see how she is?

Trainstrike · 27/07/2023 22:03

My 5 year old doesn't get tired til 8.30-9 so may just be too early. She listens to kid's podcasts or instrumental versions of her favourite songs on an Alexa in her room. We have to disable the Alexa wake word though after she cottoned on that she could ask it to play shouty songs...

Bluebelle82 · 27/07/2023 22:05

My eldest has gone through patches of struggling to sleep and getting a bit worked up in the process. I go back to a routine of saying good night and telling her that I'll pop back in 15 mins to check on her. Usually I only need to pop in once and then if I don't hear her again I don't got back. Staying in the room would definitely keep her awake rather than helping her settle.
She also quite likes it if she can hear us pottering round the house e.g radio on quietly downstairs.

sewerrat · 27/07/2023 22:08

honestly give her a tiny bit of Calpol. not even a tea spoon.

UpUpUpU · 27/07/2023 22:08

sewerrat · 27/07/2023 22:08

honestly give her a tiny bit of Calpol. not even a tea spoon.

And how will paracetamol help her sleep?

pilates · 27/07/2023 22:13

I don’t think calpol is a good idea. Maybe let her go to bed half hour later and let her nods off on her own.

ScoobyG · 27/07/2023 22:18

We recently had bedtimes battles with our 5 year old but have now made her bedtime later, it was roughly in line with her 3 year old sibling, and she is too tired to fight anything. Try a check in of, I'm just going to get a drink back in a few... just going to make a cup of tea... just going to put the dishwasher on... if she is tired enough then it won't even get to dishwasher level.

IdealisticCynic · 27/07/2023 22:18

I third the Yoto suggestion. There are two cards in particular that have my 5 year old nodding off within approx 20 mins: Bedtime Meditations and Ladybird Sleepy Tales.

Also, you can leave the cards to play while you leave the room so the child starts learning to fall asleep without you there.

usernotfound0000 · 27/07/2023 22:21

At that age we started letting my eldest have half an hour to either read or listen to an audiobook. She had a set of headphones and an old mobile phone with audible/borrow box set up. She still does this now at nearly 9.

Windthebloodybobbinup · 27/07/2023 22:21

I have a 20 minute meditation for kids- let your worries fly away- and it's saved my life a few times when my DD gets really wound up and anxious at bed time.

modgepodge · 27/07/2023 22:26

Definitely audiobooks/relaxing music. My 4 year old has had a Yoto box too and listens to either the sleep radio channel, or one of a few selected cards which help her wind down. If she says she can’t sleep, I tell her she has to listen to at least 3 stories then I’ll come back in. Invariably she is asleep by then. And if not, at least she is entertained!

Perspectiveplease1 · 27/07/2023 22:27

Have you tried a Tonie box? They’re fab!

strongcupofTea · 27/07/2023 22:41

Get them an Alexa. The you can play relaxing childrens hypnosis stories or nature sounds like the ocean.

cupoftee · 27/07/2023 22:57

Take the pressure off her by not giving the same expectation of sleep time.

Openly tell her she's 5 she can stay awake longer, then after story let her do something fairly quiet like suggested- audio story or a book to read or a quiet threading type activity. She does this for 20/30 mins without you then you say goodnight and then either you let her carry on til she's tired or you say that's enough.

This will help but stick at it as it won't work in 3 nights. After 2-3 weeks you will se a change.

And stop talking about sleep infront of her.
Chances are she's heard and is well aware how well 3 year old falls asleep so no wonder she struggles it's anxiety (very low level) about how she's 'not as good'.
Whilst I'm sure you'd never say that she's not as good I'm her presence, conversations and such like she has picked up on.

You need to create a new behaviour where there's no comparison between them falling asleep. Take the pressure off and say 'fall asleep when you are ready' etc rather than 'you need to go to sleep'.

Also for your own sanity don't stay in the room. At 5 (unless any SN/ LD) I expect she would understand talks about this.

Good luck.

SkankingWombat · 27/07/2023 23:05

I have a DC who has always struggled to get to sleep. She's 9yo now and things are a lot better than they were! At 7yo it wasn't unusual for her to still be awake at gone 11pm, despite a 7.30 bedtime. These days on a school night she is generally asleep by 10pm with a 9.30 bedtime. She has ASD and ADHD, and finding it difficult to 'turn off' is a part of that. The things that have made small differences that combine to a noticeable improvement:

A lot of vigorous exercise. Walking to and from school every day, intensive training for her main sport 3 x wk, another sport 1 x wk, Cubs, garden play equipment, and active weekends with days out or sports competitions.
Making her bedtime a bit later. Counterintuitive, but successful!
No screens for at least an hour before bed.
Reading in bed quietly for 30 mins before lights out or me reading to her.
A roomy bed so she can starfish/stick a leg out etc.
The fan in the summer months seems to have a positive effect - the white noise possibly rather than the gusting?

For some DCs it can be because it's the worries that come flooding in once everything goes quiet, so it's worth exploring that. There are all kinds of techniques to Google. For DD, the quiet means the multiple and endless threads of questions become noticeable and her head is suddenly swimming with all manner of questions: Why is the sky blue? If God is so powerful, why does he need people to worship him to make him feel important? What was the next line of that song I heard? What's smaller than an atom? etc ad nauseam. We essentially have to make her really exhausted, block out the internal noise long enough to relax, then quickly tuck her in and lights out before the chatter realises what's happening and starts up again!

Original poster

Redhothoochycoocher · 31/07/2023 20:34

Just wanted to share a quick update. We did bedtime just after 8pm tonight after she'd had some quiet time and a story with my husband while I put her sister to bed. She fell asleep in record time. Fingers crossed this is the fix we needed. Thanks again

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