12-month old terrible sleeper - please advice needed (any tips welcome)

SunAndMoonAndStars · 2023-07-14T09:13:48+00:00

Hello wise mumsnetters, I really need your help. My DS, very high needs baby, has been a terrible sleeper from the beginning. The 4-month sleep regression almost killed me and lasted for months. It took a lot of work, but his sleep had improved and we were down to 1 - 2 wake-ups (he is BFed then). But a few weeks ago, it all went to shit (teething and he learned to walk) - so all right we'll deal with that. But now the MMR vaccination has been really kicking our arses. Lots of wake-ups, lots of crying, day sleep a battle every time and very little (sometimes only 2 x 30 min or less). What we have tried/are doing: - bedtime routine (often cries when he realizes that it's time to sleep) - white noise, dummy and a lovely to cuddle - he is bfed or has a bottle, than put down awake (that used to work well, he was not upset and sometimes fell asleep almost immediately) - we used to co-sleep from birth till around 8 months, now he sleeps in his own cot --> he sleeps why better like that, as he's a very light sleeper, wakes frequently, he's very mobile What can we do? We need help, truly. I am at the end of my tether, during the 4-month regression, where he woke every 20 - 30 min for several weeks, I developed insomnia and couldn't sleep at all for several nights in a row. Became very depressed and suicidal. I don't want that to happen again. He is also very high needs during the day, so it's very hard, without sleep almost not possiple. I am supposed to go back to work in a few months - how am I supposed to do that? Both DP and I have jobs with a lot of responsibility for other people's lives (medical field). Has anyone got any tips? Please, I really need help and DS needs his sleep as well, his is so tired all the time and in such a bad mood. Thank you!

Original poster

SunAndMoonAndStars · 14/07/2023 19:38

Does anyone have any advice, please? 😢 We've already had the first wake-up for the night and lots of crying while going to bed. It's so upsetting.

OP posts:

Antihistamine62 · 14/07/2023 19:45

The MMR turned my amazing sleeper (who I could lie down awake in the cot and not see until 13 hours later) into a demon. I’m not sure if that’s what it was but it started the day after it.
anyway, bedtime became a battle, I ended up instead of spending hours lying with him trying to get him to sleep just putting him in his pram and letting him fall asleep. I would leave him until we were doing to bed and then lift him into bed. We for some reason had less wakeups overnight when I started to do this. Still a year down the line doing it this way. But I feel as if we have our nights back (kind of)
I realise that this sounds bizzare, but the drama of attempting to get him to sleep affected me, I hated him being so distressed and going to bed upset.
you have my sympathy x

TropicalTrama · 14/07/2023 19:52

I recommend booking a long haul flight, getting completely jet lagged then having a journey home that involves a cancellation, 2.5 days of travelling, multiple connecting flights, sitting in a random airport you hadn’t planning on visiting for 6 hours then at least a 9 hour night flight home. Only half joking as it worked like an absolute dream. He’ll now sleep anywhere, anytime time with zero fuss. And talking to other mums a lot have weirdly said their baby started sleeping through after a long haul trip. Drastic I know but I think there’s something to be said for tearing everything up and having a forced start from scratch. 🤣

Porterface84 · 14/07/2023 19:57

Hello! I don’t normally post on here but can totally empathise as I have a 10 month old who isn’t a great sleeper also. He’s very sensitive to leaps/illness/development and the tiniest thing sets us back so wanted to let you know that you aren’t alone. My daughter was also a terrible sleeper so maybe some are more prone than others.

Whats your routine like during the day? Do you have a nap routine? Does he normally sleep ok during the day but the vaccinations have changed it? Is he full when he’s going to bed? Or in any pain? I’m wondering if maybe by bedtime he’s overwhelmed and overtired so that’s why he’s upset and struggling to go to sleep. It might also be that he just feels rubbish from teething/development etc and wants to be held more….my baby is much more clingy when under the weather and will rarely be put down.

Theres so much going on at 12 months I think lots of parents will be in a similar situation and hopefully once he’s feeling better it’ll settle down. I too am in the medical profession and going back to work soon, try not to panic about that just yet and just do a day at a time. I’m also up all night breastfeeding and generally faffing/practising crawling/standing so I think it’s completely normal for babies around this age to be unsettled. If you’ve got a good routine in the day just stick to that as much as you can and this will pass once he’s back to himself I’m sure.

I hope you’re doing ok in yourself and have a good support network. Even if you can just rest a little during the day that might help….I know it’s easier said than done sometimes. Sending hugs! Just know you aren’t on your own

sarahw1993 · 14/07/2023 20:29

We also really struggled at 4 months and given I was going back to work at 9 months we needed to do something. We read and implemented The Sleep Solution by Lucy Wolfe and within 3 days there was a noticeable difference.

A month later and my daughter was sleeping through the night consistently and still is 6 months later. She's now a great sleeper even through development leaps, teething, illness etc.

Appreciate it's not going to be for everyone but some of the principles in the book may be useful. Eg separating sleep from feeding

Original poster

SunAndMoonAndStars · 15/07/2023 20:48

Antihistamine62 · 14/07/2023 19:45

The MMR turned my amazing sleeper (who I could lie down awake in the cot and not see until 13 hours later) into a demon. I’m not sure if that’s what it was but it started the day after it.
anyway, bedtime became a battle, I ended up instead of spending hours lying with him trying to get him to sleep just putting him in his pram and letting him fall asleep. I would leave him until we were doing to bed and then lift him into bed. We for some reason had less wakeups overnight when I started to do this. Still a year down the line doing it this way. But I feel as if we have our nights back (kind of)
I realise that this sounds bizzare, but the drama of attempting to get him to sleep affected me, I hated him being so distressed and going to bed upset.
you have my sympathy x

Omg, that sounds awful. 🙀Such a great sleeper and then something like that happening. But it's great that you have found a solution! Why is sleep such a problem for some babies? 😭
Yes, it is so upsetting seeing him so distressed, I love him so much and don't want to see him suffer.
And thank you!

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Original poster

SunAndMoonAndStars · 15/07/2023 20:49

TropicalTrama · 14/07/2023 19:52

I recommend booking a long haul flight, getting completely jet lagged then having a journey home that involves a cancellation, 2.5 days of travelling, multiple connecting flights, sitting in a random airport you hadn’t planning on visiting for 6 hours then at least a 9 hour night flight home. Only half joking as it worked like an absolute dream. He’ll now sleep anywhere, anytime time with zero fuss. And talking to other mums a lot have weirdly said their baby started sleeping through after a long haul trip. Drastic I know but I think there’s something to be said for tearing everything up and having a forced start from scratch. 🤣

Oh wow, maybe we should try that! I'd love some nice holiday! 😂

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Original poster

SunAndMoonAndStars · 15/07/2023 21:16

Porterface84 · 14/07/2023 19:57

Hello! I don’t normally post on here but can totally empathise as I have a 10 month old who isn’t a great sleeper also. He’s very sensitive to leaps/illness/development and the tiniest thing sets us back so wanted to let you know that you aren’t alone. My daughter was also a terrible sleeper so maybe some are more prone than others.

Whats your routine like during the day? Do you have a nap routine? Does he normally sleep ok during the day but the vaccinations have changed it? Is he full when he’s going to bed? Or in any pain? I’m wondering if maybe by bedtime he’s overwhelmed and overtired so that’s why he’s upset and struggling to go to sleep. It might also be that he just feels rubbish from teething/development etc and wants to be held more….my baby is much more clingy when under the weather and will rarely be put down.

Theres so much going on at 12 months I think lots of parents will be in a similar situation and hopefully once he’s feeling better it’ll settle down. I too am in the medical profession and going back to work soon, try not to panic about that just yet and just do a day at a time. I’m also up all night breastfeeding and generally faffing/practising crawling/standing so I think it’s completely normal for babies around this age to be unsettled. If you’ve got a good routine in the day just stick to that as much as you can and this will pass once he’s back to himself I’m sure.

I hope you’re doing ok in yourself and have a good support network. Even if you can just rest a little during the day that might help….I know it’s easier said than done sometimes. Sending hugs! Just know you aren’t on your own

Thank you so much! Yes, it is very hard, isn't it? Having such a sensitive child is quite a challenge, right? Almost everything is such a fight...

He usually has two naps during the day, but sometimes only one if he fights the first one too much and only falls asleep around 11 am. To be honest, while we have a routine, we also have to be very flexibel as we have to ajust to his wake-windows and these are depending on how much sleep he gets at night and when he wakes up (everything between 4:30 h - 7:30 h possible, though usually around 6 h).

And yes, he is definitely over tired, but to be quite honest, I can count the days were he wasn't on not even two hands... 🙄
And meal times are also very much flexibel due to BF.

Till he was around 8 months, he fed every 1 1/2 to 2 h in 24 hours and I am still only down to 3 - 5 times/24 h.

I realize this may sound pretty chaotic, but it does have to be less rigide as too strict a routine would just not be doable with him (textbook high need baby in that regard).

And he fights his day time naps like crazy sometimes, though has been doing longer ones now and again.

He was definitely in some pain last night, as he's teething again, but honestly it's always somthing, right?

I don't think he's hungrie, but he isn't the best eater either...

I wonder whether I should now really try to night wean him once he is doing better?
I really wish he would just sleep. 😞

Thank you for your reply!

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Original poster

SunAndMoonAndStars · 15/07/2023 21:22

sarahw1993 · 14/07/2023 20:29

We also really struggled at 4 months and given I was going back to work at 9 months we needed to do something. We read and implemented The Sleep Solution by Lucy Wolfe and within 3 days there was a noticeable difference.

A month later and my daughter was sleeping through the night consistently and still is 6 months later. She's now a great sleeper even through development leaps, teething, illness etc.

Appreciate it's not going to be for everyone but some of the principles in the book may be useful. Eg separating sleep from feeding

Thank you so much for your tip! I will look into it! I am willing to try almost everything, to be honest. I was so hopeful that he'd finally sleep through by 12 months (so many said that this was the magic number!) and now it's been so awful for several weeks now.

Thank you all for your helpful replies and help!

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