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Original poster

What do you do when your child doesn't sleep!?

28 replies

lilyflower1803 · 13/07/2023 19:26

Someone help 😥

I have a 15 month old. She slept better as a newborn than she does now. I haven't had a full night sleep since she was 3 months old and we have gotten to the stage where I have a bad back, neck, shoulders from holding her to sleep, breastfeeding her, patting her, jiggling, bouncing, rocking -you name it!

I'm starting to feel like this is breaking me 😭

She is getting overtired at nursery as well, which results in her fighting bedtime trying to stay awake- her eyes are rolling back and shutting but she keeps talking!! If I put her in the cot she plays, last night she started running from one end of the cot to the other! If I leave the room she cries for me, but as soon as I pick her up, she settles and starts fighting sleep again.

She wakes up throughout the night as well and I just don't feel I have the strength anymore, so I pick her up and take her in with me. She still keeps me awake though even cosleeping, it's knackering.

Any advice?

OP posts:
Diddykong · 13/07/2023 19:28

We co slept until 3 and a half and then used bribary.
.co sleeping was uncomfy but at least everyone did get more sleep that way.

Diddykong · 13/07/2023 19:29

We also put them in a bed at 14 months as they hated the cot and I could at least sit with them on the bed then and sneak away to regain an evening before the first of many night wakings from 10pm onwards.

Amethystjade03 · 13/07/2023 19:34

Have you tried any soothing music in her room or stories on CD or via a Bluetooth speaker? I used to put stories or songs on for my two sons to help them sleep. Also lavender on their pillows or a sleep spray

jemimafuddleduck · 13/07/2023 19:34

Sleep train.

Original poster
lilyflower1803 · 13/07/2023 19:35

@Diddykong honestly I don't like cosleeping very much! I also find it uncomfy and disturbs sleep just as much! I feel I get better quality of sleep for the couple hours she is in the cot than next to me 😅

I think I may just have to wait until she's older before any change happens

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Original poster
lilyflower1803 · 13/07/2023 19:36

jemimafuddleduck · 13/07/2023 19:34

Sleep train.

We've worked with a sleep trainer where we managed to get her just about settling in her cot with me near, but now she fights bedtime she just goes crazy running around the cot and bashing her head into the headboard like a lunatic! At that point I'm lost on what to do, so I leave the room and she screams. Did you do Ferber or CIO?

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Original poster
lilyflower1803 · 13/07/2023 19:38

Amethystjade03 · 13/07/2023 19:34

Have you tried any soothing music in her room or stories on CD or via a Bluetooth speaker? I used to put stories or songs on for my two sons to help them sleep. Also lavender on their pillows or a sleep spray

We've used a lullaby on the snuzcloud since she was a tiny baby. Only problem is it turns off after 20 minutes 🤣 I do think that helps her know when it's bedtime, but it won't send her to sleep. White noise doesn't help either.

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Original poster
lilyflower1803 · 13/07/2023 19:38

But I'll try a sleep spray! I haven't given that a go yet

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IcanandIwill · 13/07/2023 19:39

I'm permanently exhausted and my health is awful as a result. 12 years, she's got additional needs and still doesn't sleep. I'm mostly in a zombie like state.

jemimafuddleduck · 13/07/2023 19:40

@lilyflower1803 we didn't do Ferber or CIO.
We did soothe (Pat, cuddle, whatever you want) for 2 minutes, in the cot and leave, cry for 5 minutes, and repeat.
The first night was pretty bad, she did this on repeat for 2 hours (but would settle when we went in for the 2 mins).
The next night she slept through, and has ever since.

Original poster
lilyflower1803 · 13/07/2023 19:40

IcanandIwill · 13/07/2023 19:39

I'm permanently exhausted and my health is awful as a result. 12 years, she's got additional needs and still doesn't sleep. I'm mostly in a zombie like state.

Gosh, you have my sympathies- that sounds knackering. You must be a superhero though enduring it- sleep deprivation is no joke!

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Original poster
lilyflower1803 · 13/07/2023 19:42

jemimafuddleduck · 13/07/2023 19:40

@lilyflower1803 we didn't do Ferber or CIO.
We did soothe (Pat, cuddle, whatever you want) for 2 minutes, in the cot and leave, cry for 5 minutes, and repeat.
The first night was pretty bad, she did this on repeat for 2 hours (but would settle when we went in for the 2 mins).
The next night she slept through, and has ever since.

I wouldn't want to use either of them which is why I asked- good that you had results with that method though! Did you find your little one to go crazy in the cot? I keep lying her back down but she just laughs at me and gets up 😭

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ReeseWitherfork · 13/07/2023 19:43

Talk us through her typical daily sleep pattern OP. When does she wake, when does she nap, when is bedtime, what does bedtime look like, how often does she wake overnight and for how long?

jemimafuddleduck · 13/07/2023 19:44

No, she didn't do that. But if she did I'd just persevere with the 2 min / 5 min, and if she's not properly crying I don't go in.
Also if they wake in the night I wait for 5 mins before going in and find they're always back to sleep before the 5 mins is up.

Original poster
lilyflower1803 · 13/07/2023 19:48

ReeseWitherfork · 13/07/2023 19:43

Talk us through her typical daily sleep pattern OP. When does she wake, when does she nap, when is bedtime, what does bedtime look like, how often does she wake overnight and for how long?

Hiya!

So usually wake is 6am. When she is at home with me she usually naps at 11 and will often do up to 2 hours. Sometimes she wakes at 45 mins in or so but I can feed her back to sleep. She then goes to bed at about 6:30/7

At nursery she wakes at around 6, but they put her to nap at 1, she will usually only have up to an hour, more often than not she will only have 40 mins. Occasionally she is very tired around 9:30, 10 so she has a cat nap then- and I sometimes find she needs this at home too but not very often. Bedtime is the same at around 6:30/7 after her bath, book, milk and music.

I usually get her to nap on the way back from a playgroup in the pram or car and transfer her in. At nursery they use the buggy as that's as far as we got with the sleep trainer, nursery could never get her to nap in the cot.

Thank you for reading!

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Original poster
lilyflower1803 · 13/07/2023 19:50

Oops- she also wakes in the night I would say usually 45 mins after putting her down. Then at around 10pm, then 1pm and frequently after then. She falls back to sleep very quickly after a cuddle. I tend not to give her milk before midnight, but she always wakes for a feed around 1. After that I bring her in with me, but she wakes up every hour, if I put her back in the cot, she wakes up usually within an hour or two

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CopperSeahorses · 13/07/2023 19:51

IcanandIwill · 13/07/2023 19:39

I'm permanently exhausted and my health is awful as a result. 12 years, she's got additional needs and still doesn't sleep. I'm mostly in a zombie like state.

This. Mine's only three but doesn't sleep. I live on autopilot most of the time and am hoping that starting school will give me a little respite.

Can you download the music that soothes and play it on loop on a smart speaker?

Original poster
lilyflower1803 · 13/07/2023 19:52

jemimafuddleduck · 13/07/2023 19:44

No, she didn't do that. But if she did I'd just persevere with the 2 min / 5 min, and if she's not properly crying I don't go in.
Also if they wake in the night I wait for 5 mins before going in and find they're always back to sleep before the 5 mins is up.

Must just be my one then 😅 thank you for sharing your experience, I think I will have to try something like that.

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Original poster
lilyflower1803 · 13/07/2023 19:55

@CopperSeahorses I will look into it! Or stand there recording the darn thing on my phone 🤣

Ah man, I feel the same and I've been enduring it for less time that you. I'm lucky now though that I have one day where I don't work but my daughter goes to nursery. I don't catch up with sleep then though still as I have so much other stuff to get on with. Its a never ending battle!

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Gymmum82 · 13/07/2023 19:55

Mine didn’t sleep until she was 3. Tried absolutely everything. The only thing to do is survive however you can. I’d usually be up from 10pm to 4am with her. Which is when I’d send my oh in from 4-6 so I’d go to bed 7-10pm and 4-6am and we did that for 3 solid years

ReeseWitherfork · 13/07/2023 19:57

I mean, that doesn’t sound crazy. My 15m old twins are still largely on two naps so my experience is probably less relevant. Was hoping it would be similar so we could compare notes. They’re up at 6, and usually nap for around 2 hours at 9.30/10 and then will have a 45 minute nap in the afternoon the majority of days (but do pretty well staying awake if we’re out and about). They’re in bed at 7ish but wake 20,000 times overnight. Just need a quick 2 minute breastfeed to get back to sleep luckily.

Soooo is the main problem the getting to sleep bit? I sleep trained my girls for naps and bedtime. A bit like what Jemima said. But I’d leave them to cry for 2 minutes in the early days and then cuddle them until they were calm, however long that took. Not asleep, just calm. And repeat. Took a couple of days. But didn’t work for overnight, they’ll just scream and scream at me if I don’t feed them.

It was a bit easier with twins as I’m way more used to hearing them cry. I hated hearing my eldest cry but the twins have always had to wait to be sorted so we’re all used to tears.

Original poster
lilyflower1803 · 13/07/2023 19:59

Gymmum82 · 13/07/2023 19:55

Mine didn’t sleep until she was 3. Tried absolutely everything. The only thing to do is survive however you can. I’d usually be up from 10pm to 4am with her. Which is when I’d send my oh in from 4-6 so I’d go to bed 7-10pm and 4-6am and we did that for 3 solid years

Gosh, sounds brutal. I'm carrying the load of the sleep work though as my daughter isn't settled by my partner sadly. We used to take shifts when she was young but that stopped at around 3 months when her sleep became difficult.

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Original poster
lilyflower1803 · 13/07/2023 20:05

ReeseWitherfork · 13/07/2023 19:57

I mean, that doesn’t sound crazy. My 15m old twins are still largely on two naps so my experience is probably less relevant. Was hoping it would be similar so we could compare notes. They’re up at 6, and usually nap for around 2 hours at 9.30/10 and then will have a 45 minute nap in the afternoon the majority of days (but do pretty well staying awake if we’re out and about). They’re in bed at 7ish but wake 20,000 times overnight. Just need a quick 2 minute breastfeed to get back to sleep luckily.

Soooo is the main problem the getting to sleep bit? I sleep trained my girls for naps and bedtime. A bit like what Jemima said. But I’d leave them to cry for 2 minutes in the early days and then cuddle them until they were calm, however long that took. Not asleep, just calm. And repeat. Took a couple of days. But didn’t work for overnight, they’ll just scream and scream at me if I don’t feed them.

It was a bit easier with twins as I’m way more used to hearing them cry. I hated hearing my eldest cry but the twins have always had to wait to be sorted so we’re all used to tears.

Thank you for sharing your experience! They aren't too different in terms of naps. Sorry to hear you're dealing with wake ups too- I'm just craving a solid night sleep. A bit like your twins my daughter is settled by a breastfeed which is a good thing, but if I try anything else after midnight she's not having it 🤣

I've just been hoping she will fall into better sleep naturally but not too hopeful about that. I can't believe other people's children can sleep through the night 🤣

I definitely do struggle with her cries, but totally get having twins it's difficult not to let one of them not get upset while you tend to the other!

Can you put your twins down in the cot awake for naps then?

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Original poster
lilyflower1803 · 13/07/2023 20:08

I think now the main problem is getting her to sleep. I work and am a full time student so I in general have very busy days, so I am starting to dread bedtimes. By the end of it I come out of her room looking and feeling 10 years older with my hair all dishelved as she HAS to be holding it to settle! (That's another issue in itself), then 40 mins later I'm back up there again. I know she is capable of sleeping for longer stretches. But to be fair to her, she's got three molars making an appearance at the moment, one already having come through 😬 which I'm sure isn't helping!

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Oldermumofone · 13/07/2023 20:16

Very similar experience to you. She would settle eventually holding my hand but wake frequently and was so wriggly when co-sleeping. Things got better once she dropped the nap at 2years 3 months in terms of going down to sleep much more easily but took until age 5 to have most nights through in her own bed. I could never really face the leaving her crying but there was definitely a period of time where I was struggling to get through the day with it - gradually just got used to that being how my sleep was though I think. She now has some amount of dairy intolerance which I think explains some of the unsettled sleep.