9.5mo - at a total loss

[Peekaboowho]

My 9.5mo has never slept for more than 3 hours in a row at night his whole life, gets incredibly upset when he wakes, and we have tangled ourselves so up in knots I don't know what to do next. Trying to think of all useful info:

• He is bf, but for the last few weeks has had a bottle of formula at bedtime.
• Currently on two naps a day, wake windows 3-4 hours on average between sleeps.
• Will usually only nap for 40 mins either in motion, in cot etc. Can extend nap (usually afternoon one) by feeding and cuddling
• Has had a rock solid bedtime routine since birth (partly because he fell into same pattern as his elder sister) - bath, pyjamas, feed, story, sleep sack, sleep phrase, white noise on and into cot with dummy
• There was a spell where he was so drowsy after the feed he was practically asleep those last few steps but we've really tried to put him in cot awake. We leave the room, he will sit up and cry, after a minute or so we go back in, say the sleep phrase again, pop dummy back in and he falls asleep. Similar story with shorter routine for naps

Then the fun begins

• 50% time he wakes after 45 minutes and can usually go back with either parent and a shh/pat and dummy
• He then wakes again 2-3 hours after and will scream until he is fed by me
• After that wake I will go to my own bed and he will then usually wake another 1-2 hours later. Again, quickly screaming. No grizzly or moany cry. Sometimes I can feed and put him back down, sometimes I can't and so often get into a bed in the room with him (which has a double bed in it) and he will settle to sleep quickly with me there
• He will still wake 2 hourly and literally search for my boobs and then nuzzle back to sleep

He is strong, mobile and I really don't love co-sleeping nor do I like it safety wise (even though we follow safe sleep). He is on three meals but not eating a huge amount at any. His weight etc is fine though.

We have tried

• into cot awake
• gentle retreat
• trying to feed only at set intervals overnight with dad settling otherwise
• controlled crying (only for the start on one night as I couldn't hack it at the time)

Nothing has shifted the inconsolable wakes or 1-3 hour wake cycles.

I took him to the GP who said the only way to rule out a medical issue was to sleep train fully with CIO and if it didn't work within three days come back to him

In the hopes of better sleep for me, and less distress longer term for him as he wakes so upset, is that really the only option?

No, that’s not the only option. It’s actually really normal for sleep to be difficult at this age. Little known statistic is that 8-10 month old babies tend to sleep significantly worse than 3 month old babies. Mine wouldn’t stop waking every 3 hours until I fully nigh weaned at 1yo. Even though we were down to just one night feed at 11 months he still kept waking and we’d just cuddle back to sleep. After I cut the last feed out he slept through for the first time in his life a week later. He’s now 14 months and sleeps through pretty consistently now, except when he’s ill or teething.

Sorry, I don’t have any actual suggestions except ‘wait for him to grow older’ but maybe this will help with acceptance? Or you can try night weaning, I personally didn’t think mine was ready until closer to 12mo but you can always try with the view of if it doesn’t work then go back to nursing at night.

https://sarahockwell-smith.com/2017/07/24/the-rollercoaster-of-real-baby-sleep/

Thanks for your reply! I definitely don't expect him to sleep through or even nearly so as I know he's little and it's a tricky age, it's just how upset he gets - until fed, which is 90% of the time for comfort. All totally valid! But, upsetting all the same as it's become quite all on me, dad feels a bit helpless etc. Will keep plugging away with some tweaks for another month or two til he is nearer one and then reassess I guess!

Mine was like this. Always woke up inconsolable in the middle of the night, would only contact nap, or nap in car/pushchair, and would be away for a couple of hours before going back to sleep.

I honestly don't have any advice though, I'm sorry! Something seemed to click at 13 months old and she just started sleeping through and has been a solid sleeper every since. The only thing we did was delay going into see her once she started up. We'd leave her a few mins to see if she could settle herself after about 12 months (some of this was due to sheer exhaustion on our side).

My second baby was completely different and didn't sleep like this at all though. I really do think it's just pot luck how they sleep.

Hopefully he'll get the hang of it sooner rather than later for you.

Thank you! My first wasn't the best sleeper but was better by this age and I think we probably had more capacity to deal with it being two parents to one child.

I think I was lulled into a false sense of optimism that second children are better sleepers by chance - but I know there's a degree of pot luck about it.

My elder daughter was sleeping 4-6hr stretches by 10 months but didn't sleep through reliably until 16 months or so - but those stretches kept me ticking over. And she wouldn't be quite so instantly inconsolable on waking. Good to hear it just clicked one day for your daughter - I have heard of this happening when they just seem to get it all of a sudden. Fingers crossed!