Night Terrors when DS is at his Dad's house. I'm confused. Please help.

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When DS (2.6) is with me, he sleeps through the night with no problems. We co-sleep- he sometimes reaches for his water or mumbles but never wakes up til the morning.

When he is at his Dad's house (where he sleeps in a cot in his own room), he apparently is waking 3 times a night screaming about snakes and swimming. Ex says DS is hard to settle and is very distressed.

This may well be true but I don't understand it because DS LOVES swimming. We go every other week and he talks about it constantly. He runs toward the water with me grabbing his hand to stop him leaping in. He spends much of his time holding onto floats & splashing around or standing on the side, jumping in (I catch him, obviously). I have never seen him concerned about swimming - if he were then of course, I wouldn't take him.

He has a toy snake which he plays with at our house but he doesn't know that snakes can be scary. It is treated like every other toy in the house so shouldn't be any more frightening than his blocks, lego or Thomas the Tank Engine.

So why is he having nightmares about these things when he is not with me. Should I put the snake away and stop taking him swimming?

Why is he only having problems at his Dad's house?

And, more importantly, what can we do to help?

Is he overtired/over excited when he goes to his dad's. Over stimulation is a very common cause of sleep disturbance, together with being in an unfamiliar place.

does he have the same bedtime and the same routine at his dad's?

IME dads have less undersanding of the need for routine, and winding down before sleep at this age.

Thanks 3littlefrogs, he should be ok at his Dad's - he spends 4 nights a week there (complicated situation). DS has been staying overnight with him for a year so should be used to being there.

Ex & I have discussed bedtime routines to ensure that we are relatively consistent but maybe we do need to talk about it again.

Is there anything in the room that might be scaring him? He is at an age where imagination goes into overdrive.

I am going back to bed now - (have just been woken by ds1 plus friends rolling in from night out. It is just like having oversized toddlers in the house. There is a small window of a few years when they do sleep at night, then they get a social life.)

Hope it turns out to be a phase - most things are.

Just another thought - could his dad have let him watch a programme or video that has triggered this? Even the smallest things can make their imaginations go into overdrive.

Thanks for your help 3frogs - hope you get some sleep. lol @ your oversized toddler!

It's possible that he is scared by something - he does watch TV with his Dad (but things like Thomas or Curious George) and I have no idea what his room is like there so he could be frightened by something.

My concern is that ex is suggesting DS is traumatised by things he does with me and I don't understand how, when they are things he really likes.

Am busy googling to see what else I can find.

Please ignore me if this is out of order - but remember that this sort of thing happens - it is really unlikely to be anyone's fault. It 's unlikely be anything to do with going swimming or toy snakes - or watching Thomas - unless it's a particular episode that has sppoked him (my ds didn't like the one with the Chinese dragon).

It could be a phase, and he'd do the same thing at you house if he wasn't in bed with you - you say he stirs sometimes. Perhaps that would turn into a nightmare if he was in a cot? Could he not sleep with his dad if that suits him better

Fairly normal to have bouts of waking at night between 2 and 3 he will grow out of it. Probably getting them at your ex's because he is not co-sleeping. But also he is unlikely to be traumatised for life by them either. Are you sure that he is having night terrors and not nightmares. They aren't the same thing and need to be dealt with quite differently. Some kids just get them and I wouldn't try to put too much blame on anyone (especially not yourself). My dd gets night terrors. They are almost non existent at the moment (she's 5), but when she was between 2 and 3 she got them really frequently (several times a week) and sometimes multiple times in a night. However, we also moved from the UK to the USA during this period and dh remained in the UK (we're still a couple, just living in different countries)...all of which was much harder on dd than ds (who is 2 years older and a totally different personality). When dd gets her night terrors they are often about whatever toy she was playing with that day. And these are toys that she loves.

All of this is to say. Don't worry and don't let your ex make you feel guilty (if that's what's happening). He may want to consider co-sleeping for a few months until the phase passes as it will probably result in a better night's sleep for both him and your ds.

I really do hope it is a phase. I have googled and it does sound more like nightmares than night terrors. Ex's description juts doesn't match with anything I have read.

Seeker, I think the co-sleeping may really help but I doubt ex would do that. I'll mention it though.

You're post was very reassuring, SofiaAmes - your DD sounds very similar to my DS and I'm glad to hear that she doesn't frequently have night terrors now. My DS is in quite a stressful situation (mum and dad in different homes, spending half his time with one, half with the other) and, although he seems to take it all in his stride and cope with it well, I think this may be, in some part, due to what is going on in his life.