Pretty sure my baby is trying to do me in...

[wrensmama]

I'm looking off advice/reassurance/solidarity/a genie in a bottle....

My DD is 11 weeks old. Was a bit early, struggled with jaundice and weight loss, all resolved now. She's small, 3rd centile, but gaining weigh steadily and every health care professional I have seen has said she is 'small but perfectly healthy'. I'd argue she isn't 'perfectly healthy' as she suffers from reflux, medicated on omeprazole because despite cutting all dairy and soya from my diet (EBF) she is still an unsettled baby. I'm aware she could be reacting to something else in my milk, but not really sure what to cut out next so keeping a food diary at the moment.

Anyway, she DOES NOT SLEEP. I mean, I cannot put her down, day or night. She is not my first, DS was also CMPA and a terrible sleeper but this is another level. We try any combination of putting her down in the carrycot/moses/next to me. White noise, wedges, keeping her upright for up to an hour after feeds, rocking, feeding to sleep, not feeding to sleep, a dummy, swaddling. The most we have ever got is 2x 2 hour stints, where she has been in very noisy and very active rem sleep. She used to sleep on my chest - not ideal but 4th trimester and all that, I would do this as safely as possible. Now she won't settle like this, but will occasionally sleep for periods in my arms (even worse for safe sleep, please don't come at me, I KNOW it's unsafe). Can't co-sleep as the reflux bothers her lying flat and she pukes in the bed.

DH takes the 9pm-1am shift where he can often only settle her in the carrier. I sleep for 3-4 hours a night and then the constant wake-feed-fail to settle cycle starts all over again. We are doing our best but I'm pretty sure this is going to break one of us soon.

Any advice?

Honestly, for your own sanity I'd see what she would be like on a hypoallergenic formula. Just try a feed and see how she settles. i would do it and see if it helps. If it doesn't, switch back to breast.

Are you comfortable with cosleeping? DS was a dreadful sleeper. I ended up sleeping on my back with him in the crook of my arm head on my shoulder. Had to be very careful with bedding and I used to be a bit chilly but at least I slept.
Unfortunately as he got bigger he realised that there were snacks on tap....

I have no advice I'm afraid but I'm in the exact same boat so can only offer solidarity - it appears helps to feel like you're not alone!

My DD (also 11 weeks) hates sleeping and will only sleep on us - we too are doing shifts holding her 24/7.
She doesn't have diagnosed reflux (though possibly silent as had some symptoms, am looking into it). We had a meeting with a sleep consultant in a desperate attempt to try something else but it was useless, not much they can do at this age and the only thing she suggested was routines which is no help whatsoever to the putting down issue.

If I knew it was a finite amount of time, ie start to get better after 12 weeks I'd be ok with it, but doing a search on mumsnet is scary, some people saying theirs still not being able to put down til a year or so....

I would cut yourself a break though on the safety aspect of you holding the baby when she sleeps - this is only unsafe if you sleep too (which I am terrified of doing accidentally) - when you are holding her and youre alert you can monitor her breathing etc

So yeah, I'm no help whatsoever I'm afraid - I'm just going to continue
a) trying to put her down when she's in a deep sleep, and b) putting her down when drowsy but awake, in the hope she will put herself to sleep and stay asleep for a while. All in the hope that she will just start to grow out of it!

We have pepti 1 on prescription, though she had some green nappies when giving some bottles of this so just been given nutramigen - going to try the pepti 1 a bit longer to see if it makes a difference, DS was EBF so I have no idea what I'm doing with formula etc but if it makes her more comfortable then that's the important thing, expressing when I use formula so hopefully won't affect supply in the meantime.

Tried cosleeping, she's too pukey we both just end up laid in her vom and she pukes herself awake, unfortunately.

I think you are doing the right thing by splitting the nights with your DH. Me and my DH did the same but would add a ridiculously early night in every few days to catch up on sleep, could that be an option?

There’s nothing wrong with trying formula either.

Hang in there. Sleep deprivation is brutal but it does get better.

@Dinkyinkypink THANK YOU FOR THIS. Honestly, sometimes it just helps to hear that someone is going through what you are at the same stage. I keep reading about 2/4/6/8 week olds but felt like the only one still holding their nearly 3 month old like a newborn all night.
Me and DH keep saying I wish someone could take a look at her and just say 'ah yeah, you're looking at another 3-4 weeks of this and then she will settle' and that would make it bearable but at the moment it's so hard to see a time when it will get easier (I know it will, my DS is 4 now and sleeps like a champ, still can't keep perspective with this one)
Even the health visitor said she'd never met a baby quite like it, which was the nail in the coffin for my last shred of hope that it would pass quickly 😂
By the way, are you FF or BF? If you suspect silent reflux usually eliminating dairy is quite the miracle fix with relatively little effort and may help her settle (hasn't worked for us this time but definitely did with DS wishing a couple of weeks!)

Thinking of you and your little one for tonight's slog shift

Oh god I could have written your post for my now 9 month old DD. Eventually we were able to co sleep with her lying wedged on her side....I know not ideal but this was the least unsafe option at the time. Could you try this? We co slept for 6 months, then she suddenly wouldn't settle with me, so is now in her own cot/room and sleeps much better now she can roll on her tummy. A lot of people raved about cranial osteopathy...we tried this and didn't help us unfortunately, but if you're desperate may be worth a shot! I would also keep the routine of trying to settle her in her own sleep space, even if it doesn't work, as eventually she will settle and she'll be more used to that set up (if that's your aim). Good luck!

Sounds just like DC1 down to carrier sleep at night and all. We tried every trick in the book bar CIO. Kid suddenly started sleeping lying down at 14 weeks ish and slept much better from then. Don't think it's anything we did. My relatives used to despair that baby wouldn't even sleep in the pram, which apparently "normal" babies do LOL. Still won't aged 2, and still hardly naps, but night sleep has been good since 3.5 months. Hang in there!

Until 3 1/2 months our kid only slept in the sling, so we took it in shifts. Then suddenly he could lay down in the next-to-me as long as I held him for 20 minutes after feeding and the next to me was tilted. Then at five 1/2 months could nap in the pram seat sat up (never in the carry cot). Then about 11 months old could go in a flat cot - he already slept on his front by that age.

He is a terrible sleeper still (13 months old) and has never slept through the night. But it’s such an improvement on holding him all the time that I just keep thinking he’ll do it at some point.

Hi @wrensmama - how are you doing? How's the sleep going, any change? No change for me.....😫so desperately hoping for any tips!!!

@Dinkyinkypink oh god I've been too scared to ask you how you've been getting on because we have no change either! She is 15 weeks now, still has to be held 24/7, still exhausted! I swing between trying to accept that this is just how she is to being convinced there is something wrong with her 😩

Have they offered you omeprazole for her reflux? Although it won't stop the sickness it will likely make her more comfortable.
I would try and wedge her on her side to sleep, this is the only way my little girl would sleep for the first 4 months.
Swaddled and wedged on her side. I will be clear this doesn't meet safe sleep guidelines but I was that tired I was scared I was going to crash the car or fall asleep holding her which I felt was more risky. So it really was a balance of risk.
She also slept in the next to me in a purflo.
Does she have a dummy? Reflux babies often like to suck for comfort.
Really hope you get some sleep soon, I know it's awful ❤️

@wrensmama i'm with you 100% -I'm embarrassed to tell people that we hold her throughout the night, just sounds so mad at 4 months still!

Is your DDs reflux any better?

Do you have any idea what you are going to do? Keep going til she grows out of it? It's tougher for you as you have another child and her reflux means I guess you can't even sleep train when the time comes? So knowing how tough I find it I am in awe of you!

The sleeping in shifts is SO tough - the pressure of trying to go to sleep quickly in my allocated sleep period means that sometimes it takes me hours to get to sleep and so on those nights I barely get anything!!

Soon we are going to bitw the bullet and start putting her down at nighttime - she'll wake up obvs, I'll just have to pick her up, put her back to sleep and then put her down again. Fully expect I'll have to do this 50 times until she's so exhausted she stays asleep, but every it may only last an hour or two (or until I crack and just carry on holding her!) Can't find anything online for the best thing to do! But really can't carry on like this for much longer. I'm exhausted and ready dread the night's! I'll report back on progress!

@Dinkyinkypink well, I have no idea what I am going to do 😂 I guess at this point I am hoping that at some point she will grow out of it, but it's looking less likely at this stage! I'm so traumatised that she is still like this at 4 months old, naively kept telling myself it would be much better by this point. I suppose we have made teeny tiny progress in that she will now sleep next to me at night but the actual length of sleep is worse that when I was holding her all night and now she is wanting to be on the boob every hour at night. DH has her until 1am but that's starting to take its toll now.

I'll be honest and say we sleep trained my son at 6 months because he was also a shit sleeper. But she is hardcore and I don't know how it would even work, at least he would nap in a cot during the day so I knew he was getting enough daytime sleep. I guess we will see who is more stubborn - her or me 😂 I'm waiting for the 4 month sleep regression to completely destroy and small semblance of progress we have made and then I will also start trying the next to me again!

I really hope you are making some progress!

@Allybob88 yes, she is on omeprazole which massively helped with the discomfort, but unfortunately hasn't helped with the neediness. She won't take a dummy really, at least not at night - she will only take cherry shaped dummies (I have tried every type going) but only for a few mins at a time despite continuing to try. She will sleep next to me in the bed as long as she is wedged in her side and her entire body is touching me, but then she will want to be attached to my nipple all night long and my back is screaming after a while.

Thanks for the thoughts - I appreciate it! Definitely helps knowing others have survived this level of sleep deprivation and frustration!