Only way baby will settle is if I leave him alone to cry

[Lateasusual]

I have a very sleepy baby (3 months). He often is yawning 1/2 an hour after waking. I feed and change him and try to have some play time but he gets tired again very quickly. Anyway I have found that he starts crying and when I then try to put him down he cries even more. Talking to him and picking him back up and rocking him only makes matters worse and the crying escalates. The only way I can get him to settle is then to walk out of the room and leave him to cry. He always falls asleep within 1/4 hour. However, this makes me feel so guilty and I hate that he is going to sleep in a state.

Any tips to put him to sleep calmly?

I know it might sound daft, but what about feeding him to sleep? That's how mine settled best at that age. Sorry if this doesn't work and you already tried it!

Have you tried warming up his bed with a hot water bottle first?

He used to fall asleep feeding and still sometimes does at night but generally won't anymore. Also he gets a lot of wind so I don't like putting him down without burping him first which of course wakes him up.

Might try the hot wateer botttle as that might make him feel more cozy

That sounds really tricky lau.
Only thing I can suggest is maybe a swing? Battery operated sort by fisher price. Lots of people swear by them

There is the shush-pat method where you put baby down on their side, (prop with rolled-up towels and swaddled), and shush them and pat on their back, calmly but confidently. Pick them up if they don't calm, and shush-pat on your shoulder. Put them down and carry on til you are sure they are asleep. We used to leave DD on her side as we didn't want to risk disturbing her once asleep. We also used a dummy. worth a try?

I wonder if some babies don't just need to have a little cry before going off to sleep. I've certainly found ds seems to need a short burst before settling himself - I'll see him asleep then his face contort into a little cry a few times before settling into peaceful sleep. I don't leave him for long, but if he settles himself within 15mins, maybe just ok to leave him.

KRC I definately agree. Some of mine have needed to expel a last bit of energy. DC4 certainly needs a good old whinge before dropping off.

My son also prefers to settle himself, he is 7 months. Talking to him makes it worse as he can see me, and if I try and rock him to sllep / feed him to sleep - it has never worked.

Me too - Daisy takes about 15 mins sometimes, but if we go and cuddle her or talk to her, it takes alot longer - I feel guilty every night, but I reason that some babies do need to shout to go to sleep ( and I had a book that said the same thing, which made me feel alot better !) - Good luck

krc - my ds still often has a little whinge before settling down (not at bedtime but at naptime) and he is 17mo! I think he gets so wired and tired that he is so ready for sleep and it won't come quick enough iyswim. he ALWAYS goes to sleep and never grumps for more than10mins MAX so I guess it is just his way. It used to really bother me but now I don't even really notice it, and he is perfectly happy to sleep for a couple of hours after that. As I said, he doesn't do it every nap but it is certainly not unusual. hth

My DD also tends to cry a bit before she falls asleep. I used to swear I'd never leave her to cry but to be honest it was just unfair on her to keep cuddling and rocking her for ages which just kept her awake really when her cries really just meant "I'm tired!" - she doesn't actually need anything from me. The good news is that she doesn't cry for so long anymore and often in fact now falls asleep almost as soon as I leave the room, so it might get better.

... just to add to my last post, I used to feed DD to sleep but it was a nightmare - it often took 2 hours, and occasionally failed completely. I know it works for some people, but if your baby gets himself to sleep on his own within 15 minutes I wouldn't personally recommend going down that route.

Yep, mine needed to cry on his own for a few minutes too. I did used to feed him to sleep when he was little but in the end it was crueler, it led to him waking very often in the night and needing to be fed back down to sleep again, and in the morning he was exhausted after such broken nights. Once I bit the bullet and allowed him to cry himself off to sleep (at about 6 months I think) it was much kinder, he went off much more quickly and slept much better and was much happier the next day. I did feel I should have done it earlier. He is a very sleepy boy too and I think just got knackered and felt really grumpy.

He carried on crying himself down for some months, but for less and less time over time, often for a token 20 seconds or so. Now at 18 months we can finally have the lovely cuddly drift-off-to-sleep-happily-after-story-and-singing evenings that I had hoped for, so don't despair!

systemaddict - you have my baby! i let the feeding to sleep cycle go on until 8.5mths. i was exhausted. ds was exhausted. Dh and dd were stressed beyond belief at how exhausted and irritable I was becomeing (had become ). In the end i did to cc when his waking peaked at 90min sleep cycles . As I sadi earlier he doesn;t cry at nighttiem but sometimes does at naptime. i put this down to winding down after high levels of dayime activity - and not a reluctance to sleep. hth the original poster

I'd just like to say it's so nice to see lots of sensible comments saying it's OK to let your baby cry sometimes!!! I used to feel SOOOO guilty about it but often it's genuinely what's best for parents and baby. Every bedtime was a struggle before and DH and I used to argue about it, while DD was constantly overtired through lack of sleep. All 3 of us are much saner and happier now we accept a little bit of crying.

Thanks everyone, you've made me feel so much better particularly because my lo is still so young - 3 months so it is horrible to leave him to cry. I think you have just got to learn what your own baby is like and just accept it. Tonight I knew he would cry but left him straight away so he couldn't see me - he found his thumb within a minute or two so in the end it was so much less stressful than if I'd stayed with him.

That's great Lateasusual, and I think you're absolutely right; I read and read theories about babies but the only way I really learned to look after ds was by observing and getting to know him and his individual quirks.

And if your lo has found his thumb and can self-soothe with it at 3 months you're definitely one of the lucky ones!!

Thanks, everyone - I was having the same experience, where my baby only fell asleep within 15 mins if I let him cry - something I hate doing, but endlessly checking on him and cuddling and stroking him was just not working as he yelled every time I left the room. I really think it IS OK for babies to cry sometimes - necessary, even, as it's a release of emotion. I know I myself often feel better after a good cry!

I agree with others. If he will settle himself after a short period of crying then great! It will probably get shorter and shorter until he rarely does it and just settles himself quietly when you put him down.

Both my lo's were like this and are now great sleepers and love their beds (at 19mo and 2.9)!

I would put him to sleep sooner - it sounds like he is overtired - mine were awful to get to sleep if they were overtired.

You could try some white noise - radio out of tune is probably the easiest.

Trouble is if I put him to sleep sooner then he would never be up!!

maybe don't get him up as soon as he wakes and see if he goes back to sleep. Maybe he is waking up before he is ready too.
How long does he usually sleep ?

It is counterintuitive - but I found the more tired mine were the less they slept.

I agree with throckenholt that naps need to be a good length. If my DS only has a short nap, he's yawning within 30mins too, and grumpy. I find naps need to be at least 1hr for him to be sociable. He goes to sleep within 5-10mins of being put down and only cries when he's over-tired, and then i need to stay with him and cover his eyes/stroke his forehead.

I don't like to think of young babies being left to cry to sleep and its worth trying to find something to calm your baby.

White noise worked for my ds. We used the Babysoothe cd. They sell it on Amazon.

Thank heavens I'm not the only one whose baby cried even more if i tried cuddles / feeding / co-sleeping, etc. She just needed to get it out of her system but I felt awful.