Can’t do this anymore

[Matthew54]

I’m on day 5 of no sleep at night. My seven week old (two weeks adjusted) will not sleep for more than 30 minutes at night. I’m so exhausted I’m actually vomiting. it makes me want to give up breastfeeding. I sob for hours every day.

I have no idea what to do with him. I take him outside lots during the day, we have an established switch off bedtime routine. It does not matter. He is up every hour, if not more, screaming. He will scream for over ten minutes.

All he wants to do is sleep on me and I’m so exhausted it’s not safe.

I would give up breastfeeding, he is obviously not getting enough milk if he is up every 30min looking for a feed. It sounds miserable for you both.

Op it’s very early days , if you have an dh id try and express some milk and leave them to settle the baby. I ebf and my dh would rock them to sleep or try and find another way of getting them to sleep that wasn’t just down to me.
@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune my fil smokes around 40 a day , black tobacco, no filter , he drinks heavily , he’s in fine health in his 70’s, he’ll probably live into his 90’s. And no I’m not comparing formula to smoking , it’s obvious that breastfeeding is overall much healthier than formula on a population basis based on fact (it’s human milk for a human baby boy highly processed milk from another large mammal).
I’m in Ireland and pretty much everyone bottle feeds their dcs , our bf rates are staggeringly low, only yesterday there was a news report on links with formula and asthma which is rife here on young dcs and obesity which is also linked to overfed formula fed babies. Of course many will be absolutely fine on formula and thrive but denying the health benefits of breastfeeding by using your own example of health is exactly the same as “oh I smoke 40 a day and I’m in great health so the health information must be wrong “.

Another point I would make about breast feeding is that, without support, it’s extremely difficult to establish. Given what you’ve said about your partner I think that’s also important for you to consider when choosing the right feeding method for your little one.

If you are going to pump then give an expressed bottle this may also start to take its toll as you add in sterilising pump parts to your workload. I did this to increase my supply at one stage and it was one of the most difficult chapters of motherhood for me. Absolutely gruelling.

To echo what others have said, I think the best thing you can do to improve things, is what you have already done - enlisting help for you and to engage your partner.

I’m sure you’ll feel like a new person after some decent rest. Things often start to look clearer after that.

Yes, he sounds hungry.

I think what you describe is normal baby behaviour. There is often a growth spurt around then and can mean the feeding is intense. But the fact he just wants to sleep on you/be held suggests it's not just a feeding issue. Skin to skin contact helps babies maintain their body temperature - when it's hot it can cool them down. And feeding quenches their thirst which they need to do when it's hot.

I would explore the reflux issue. It may be he gets heartburn lying down. The frequent vomiting suggest it too. And if he is feeding every 30 minutes this could be to reduce the discomfort. When I had heartburn in pregnancy having a sip of milk would calm the pain for a bit so that figures.

If you want to switch to formula then do. I just think without your partner's support at night then you've just added to your workload of sterilising and preparing bottles without the guarantee of any benefit. Formula fed babies sleeping better is anecdotal - there is no evidence for this.

I just feel awful because I know he wants and needs me. But I need to drink water or shower or get a coffee and I feel like I can’t.

I did hand baby over at 4 like someone here suggested and he slept until 730. I know room sharing is recommended but I think it’s actually making his sleep worse. He won’t settle if I’m in the room.

Oh that's so great you have some help coming. In the meantime try to eat and drink as much as you can and try to get some rest. It's so hard! Just one day at a time. I formula fed one child and BF'd two and they all turned out perfectly fine. But I did find BF'ing during the night easier than the hassle of making up bottles. Do whatever you think is best for you, baby will be fine either way!

Your baby may or may not sleep better if you give him formula, but you will! Get some ready made formula (HIPP Organic didn't upset our little one), a bottle, and hand him over to his dad at night. You go and sleep in the other room with ear plugs. Swap back in the middle of the night so you both get a decent chunk of sleep. You DH might want to practice with the formula and bottle during the day - might be better if you are out of the room when that happens as DC might not get it!

Find a way to safely cosleep! That's what I turned to as a last resort with DD, and it worked for DS from the word go.

Thanks everyone.

I am meeting with a pediatrician tomorrow to discuss. I am trying to focus on the positives - he is gaining weight and he does sleep (even if on top of me or only on his dock a tot while I watch him). These are all indicators that if he does have reflux it’s definitely manageable. I don’t suspect CMPA based on his diapers.

Since his unexpected premature birth things have been a bit of a roller coaster and I’m desperate to have a bit of normalcy. I know it will come.

So sorry you’re going through a horrible time. 😢

I feel like people are very quick to assume it’s breastfeeding that’s keeping him up and a bit confused as to why that assumption is made. Would be interested in the reasons.

I don’t have any experience with premies so really hoping your paediatrician can give you some good and professional advice tomorrow.

Best of luck.

I feel for you OP. I had 2 premises and it is tough. I found that Co-sleeping really helped. I'd barely wake up, just move my boob to their mouths and then go back to sleep.

One of the things that helped me was being told that a new born (and your premie is still very much a newborn) stomach is the size of a marble, so obviously with such an eailt digestible food as breastmilj they will need constant topping up, especially when it's hot. I don't know why but that made me feel better, because it was normal and not me failing to have enough milk.

The other thing that helped were the words that as long as they are crying they are conscious and breathing and so are OK.

One thing I started to do was to not go to them immediately when they awoke. Often they'd self settle. So I'd wait until they had cried before I went to them.

Good luck. You've got this. It will suddenly get better.

I’ll update with what the doctor says. Horror show of a night last night. He did sleep but only on top of me. He spat up so much he soaked his pyjamas and the underlying sheet and the mattress.

I really hope the doctor takes us seriously and doesn’t dismiss us as first time parents.

Hi all,

Update. Pediatrician diagnosed him with reflux and prescribed medication. Based on his weight gain and diapers, he ruled out CMPA. We are going to reassess in two weeks.

I'm really glad your concerns were listened to. I hope things improve with medication.

Yeah I did this with my 1st.
I tried to take my own life by the time he was 4 months old. Obviously extreme example but I genuinely believe it was the sleep deprivation causing the depression.

Formula fed by second baby. He sleeps much better. Granted still not perfect and I'm still tied but manageable.

Whole heartedly believe that him having a happy mum who is functioning is much more important than breastfeeding. I think my poor mental health and low mood did more damage to my 1st than formula would have done.

Do what's best for you. Fed is best.

Hi. Glad to see you got somewhere today. Just wanted to mention that the paediatrician isnt necessarily right. My ds1 gained weight and had normal bowel movements. He was intolerant of dairy until he was 14 years old when he's suddenly outgrown it/has increased his tolerance. Don't be fobbed off. Also, don't assume that if the meds don't work it's not reflux. I made that mistake, but different meds work for different babies. I've never met a baby with reflux who didn't improve when dairy was removed from their diet. Don't do it without guidance from a dietician though.

It's really rough. DD1 was breastfed and a great sleeper earlier on. DD2 also breastfed and a horrendous sleeper for first six months, awake every hour. We coslept in the end and it was manageable and then at about 7 months we went on holiday and she went in the travel cot with a dummy and a comforter and she's slept through in her own cot ever since (she's 12 months now). So it's not forever and I don't think it was feeding related in our case or hunger - I actually had oversupply and she was a very efficient feeder, gained weight quickly, etc. She just needed to be near me to get back to sleep in those first few months.

It's funny as she's gone from being the bad sleeper to being the great sleeper, as DD1 is 4 and still appears at some point in the night to climb into our bed!

Your husband absolutely needs to step up too. If you are so unwell from lack of sleep, he can't just pass baby back to you when he grizzles. My husband has had both of ours on his own from day 1 - he still takes them every morning early so I can sleep (even though I don't even do night feeds anymore!)

I don't think formula will necessarily solve anything, and it's not a decision to make on the spur of the moment because once you do it's hard to get back to breast, and if formula doesn't make any difference then you get stuck with having to make up bottles for the next X number of months (and both my reflux babies were far worse when they had the odd formula top-up, although mine at least were happy spewers!). If he's got bad reflux then that alone might be behind the wakefulness, so hopefully the medication will help.

Buddy had his first dose of omeprozole and: 1) laid flat on his back in his crib for four hours; and 2) did not reflux anywhere in his crib.

Just a shocking difference. Very hopeful now.

100% this! Hipp is wonderful stuff!

OP - pls don’t let the breastfeeding take away from the joy of a new baby. I spent 11 miserable weeks pumping before I switched to formula and never looked back.

Check out Emily Oster re formula - proper studies show basically no different between breast fed and formula fed babies.

@Matthew54 aw I’m so pleased for you both. 🙏 hope you get some good sleep now. X

Make sure you get the dose adjusted as he gains weight, I learnt the hard way about that one!