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Original poster

Can’t do this anymore

47 replies

Matthew54 · 13/06/2023 23:42

I’m on day 5 of no sleep at night. My seven week old (two weeks adjusted) will not sleep for more than 30 minutes at night. I’m so exhausted I’m actually vomiting. it makes me want to give up breastfeeding. I sob for hours every day.

I have no idea what to do with him. I take him outside lots during the day, we have an established switch off bedtime routine. It does not matter. He is up every hour, if not more, screaming. He will scream for over ten minutes.

All he wants to do is sleep on me and I’m so exhausted it’s not safe.

OP posts:
ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 14/06/2023 00:05

Breastfeeding is not worth this sort of misery.

I was exclusively formula fed. Age 60, never been seriously ill or hospitalized, IQ of 154, no allergies, weight problems, metabolic issues, etc

Chasingadvice · 14/06/2023 00:13

This is one of the reasons breastfeeding just doesn't work for many women. It's exhausting and most babies don't nod off at the breast in bliss as many of the breastapo claim and I breastfed for 9 months so I know how much hell it was. I also know several mothers who agree and felt like it detrimental to their and their families lives.

Move to formula.

Wish44 · 14/06/2023 00:16

Ah op all my sympathy… there are so many mothers out there who have been where you are now. They got through it and so will you.

co sleeping is what I did in the end… I just couldn’t cope any more and my baby was like yours… determined to sleep on me. They feel safe and warm next to you.

I got baby in her sleeping bag , wrapped myself separately in duvet. Let her fall asleep in my arms and then moved my body away so it felt safe… over time I became more confident… by the time I had baby number 3 she was tucked up with me from the moment she was born.

where is dad? Can he help out. Even getting a few hours will make the world of difference to you.

hoping you get some sleep soon.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 14/06/2023 00:16

It sounds like he's hungry.

Why torment yourself?

BaffledOnceAgain · 14/06/2023 00:24

Could it be reflux? Both my refluxers were terrible sleepers. I never co-slept and I did carry on breast feeding until 4 and 5 months when both refused. It turned out they both had a dairy allergy. One was sick 20 times a day. The other was never sick and basically had heartburn. It was hideous for them and us. Check it out and exclude it before altering anything else you want to keep.

DeoForty · 14/06/2023 00:27

He wants to be close to you. Do formula fed babies sleep better? I remember having similar wobbles about breastfeeding. I ended up cosleeping, not particularly through choice but it was the only way I could breastfeed and not fall asleep with her on the sofa.

Is breastfeeding is otherwise going ok?

TomatoSandwiches · 14/06/2023 00:29

Reflux? Could be reacting to something in your BM/diet.

I'm not advising this but I did end up putting DD in a sling and slept reclined in a hospital chair when she was ill and only on mummy would do, the doctors and nurses never said it was dangerous and I did get some sleep.

NaatQ968 · 14/06/2023 00:32

Formula hun xox

Anonplease2023 · 14/06/2023 00:33

Unfortunately, this is completely normal, my baby (not breastfed) also went through this between 7-8 weeks. It last for just over a week and then her sleep got better (wasn't perfect but was getting 2/3 hour stretches) she also did the same around 4 months which lasted longer (but was doing 3 hours) she's now 6 months and we are back to a good sleep routine.

As much as its painful just remember these days don't last forever, try to rest when you can, speak to people that have children, get a good support around you and give the load to someone else to do deal with every now and then.

It does get better I promise x

sunshineday223 · 14/06/2023 00:40

Do not pressure yourself to keep breastfeeding, 7 weeks is a great achievement and formula is also full of all the nutrients they need. I have a 3 year old who I had this same issue with (hourly wake ups / seemed hungry all the time) and it lasted until she was 4.5 months until I moved to formula.

I now have an 8 week old who I have formula fed since week 2. Partly due to latch issues but also because of how hard it was the first time round. She wakes 1-2 times per night and I am 100x happier.

Happy mum, happy baby -whatever you choose to do, remember everything is a phase and will get better. You are doing a fantastic job. You've got this.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 14/06/2023 00:40

The heat won't be helping- your breast milk diluted itself to cool her down so she will need to feed more often to get the calories. Also, your chest is a magical mummy chest so it can cool her down or warm her up as required- no wonder she wants to be on you!

BUT you need sleep! Someone (partner? Parent? Friend?) needs to take over and take baby out in pram so you can sleep.

Aptamil do little bottles of formula that come with teats that are easy to use and my baby drank from it easily- leave who ever is looking after baby with a couple of these so you can rest. (If you don't have expressed breasmlik/ doubt you've had any time!)

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 14/06/2023 00:42

If partner is back at work perhaps they can call in sick or use a days annual leave or just get up early at 4am and take over and you sleep until they need to go to work

Redebs · 14/06/2023 00:58

Don't give up now. Lots of babies go through this at that age. It will get better soon. The 6-8 week feeding frenzy is killer!

Breastfeeding is so much better for your baby. Ignore the posters who want everyone to give up and switch to artificial formula. Formula fed babies have lots of problems sleeping and feeding too.

When mums give up on breastfeeding, it's usually just at the moment it would get easier, but they've switched to bottle and think that's why it's easier. It's more coincidence.

I survived breastfeeding at night by feeding laying down next to latched-on baby and sort of half-dozing. When baby stopped, my husband would take her away carefully and rock her or lower her into carrycot. If she didn't settle, he would take her off for a wander downstairs so I could get some sleep.

Redebs · 14/06/2023 01:00

sunshineday223 · 14/06/2023 00:40

Do not pressure yourself to keep breastfeeding, 7 weeks is a great achievement and formula is also full of all the nutrients they need. I have a 3 year old who I had this same issue with (hourly wake ups / seemed hungry all the time) and it lasted until she was 4.5 months until I moved to formula.

I now have an 8 week old who I have formula fed since week 2. Partly due to latch issues but also because of how hard it was the first time round. She wakes 1-2 times per night and I am 100x happier.

Happy mum, happy baby -whatever you choose to do, remember everything is a phase and will get better. You are doing a fantastic job. You've got this.

Do you realise you just paraphrased the formula adverts?

Cakeandcoffee93 · 14/06/2023 01:02

Have a look into colic- my little one was suffering and we found gaviscon to help and other stuff, she was better sleeping elevated

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/06/2023 01:27

Chasingadvice · 14/06/2023 00:13

This is one of the reasons breastfeeding just doesn't work for many women. It's exhausting and most babies don't nod off at the breast in bliss as many of the breastapo claim and I breastfed for 9 months so I know how much hell it was. I also know several mothers who agree and felt like it detrimental to their and their families lives.

Move to formula.

"Breastapo"? Seriously? FFS.

DD didn't sleep, I BF. But DH was great and supportive and later on it was brilliant because I didn't have to arse around with bottles and sterilising and all that money! But you do have to get through the difficult bit. Plus combo feeding is an option.

coxesorangepippin · 14/06/2023 01:42

Formula feeding

BF doesn't work for everyone, it's really not a big deal if you FF

Supermathsdoc · 14/06/2023 03:03

First of all, you’re doing amazingly and however you choose to feed your baby will be absolutely the right way for your baby. No one knows better than you here.

FwIw my experience is this, the main advantage of formula feeding is that other people can feed your baby. If you have a partner or others that would do this esp overnight then this will be be a game changer for you.

However, if the nights would fall to you anyway then it may not help that much as the baby might still wake frequently and feeding becomes slightly more of an involved process than BF down the line.

It also doesn’t have to be either or, lots of people combination feed with success. Try to drown out extreme or dogmatic viewpoints and work out what you think is right for your unique circumstance.

Sending lots of solidarity.

Original poster
Matthew54 · 14/06/2023 03:03

Thanks everyone. I am going to be flagging reflux at his check this week. I have a sensitive stomach, so it wouldn’t surprise me if he has CMPA. He does spit up to the point that my life basically resembles baby sea world, and having to hold him upright for 10-15 min after a feed isn’t helping for me to get sleep.

I know part of the shitty sleep is normal development/heat related, but I’ve always heard formula fed babies sleep better. I’m also just in shock because he finally figured out how to latch well and everyone said this would lead to better sleep - instead Buddy just realized how fun nursing is. Previously we were boob + expressed too ups.

My MIL will be here Thursday for two weeks and I’m handing her some pumped milk and going to sleep. My husband also needs to get it together. He still seems afraid of the baby and panics when he’s fussy and hands him right back to me.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 14/06/2023 03:07

He still seems afraid of the baby and panics when he’s fussy and hands him right back to me.

Hard no. DH did all the winding, holding, patting nonsense. You NEED him.

Original poster
Matthew54 · 14/06/2023 03:07

Yeah, this I’m concerned about. The reflux doesn’t appear to make him unhappy - he’s not screaming while reinacting the Exorcisf after a feed - but it’s possible when I lie him on his back in the cot he’s getting heart burn.

OP posts:
Original poster
Matthew54 · 14/06/2023 03:12

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/06/2023 03:07

He still seems afraid of the baby and panics when he’s fussy and hands him right back to me.

Hard no. DH did all the winding, holding, patting nonsense. You NEED him.

I know. His mother will be here for two weeks and has promised to help set him straight on this.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 14/06/2023 03:27

That sounds great. My MIL was brilliant and didn't put up with nonsense.

My2pence2day · 14/06/2023 03:35

I'd stick to it and get someone to help so you can get some rest. BF is so, so much better for your baby, there's no comparison. Can you get some advice from a professional as it might not be the BF.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 14/06/2023 07:55

My2pence2day · 14/06/2023 03:35

I'd stick to it and get someone to help so you can get some rest. BF is so, so much better for your baby, there's no comparison. Can you get some advice from a professional as it might not be the BF.

Please stop with this guilting. Formula fed humans do just fine.

The lower stress for OP is far more important.