Feel like a failure with 7mo sleep

[Nickiholly]

I’m at a bit of a loss with what to do about my baby’s sleep, he’s almost seven months old. I just feel like we don’t have a routine suitable for a baby his age. He won’t go to sleep until half 10 at night at the earliest and usually 11 or later - he doesn’t really nap during the day and if he does, it’s a long one of about two hours that suggests he’s completely overtired to my thinking. I have started weaning but he’s not really interested, loves breastfeeding and does it a lot. Usually when he goes to sleep he does stay that way, only waking once. But he sleeps very late, sometimes until about 9 or 10am. I’ve tried in vain to bring his bedtime forward to 7pm like the other babies we know and it just results in absolute war. Any advice? He isn’t sitting up independently yet and sometimes I stress that he isn’t getting enough rest to continue developing.

He’s getting enough sleep for him. If he was tired he’d nap regularly - do you give him opportunities to fall asleep? Walks in the pram etc? If he’s not nodding off when given the chance then he’s probably not tired.

There’s a weird narrative in our culture that says babies should all be the same, do the same things at the same time. It’s nonsense, he’s a person and he’s a night owl who sleeps through, and why not?

Things change quickly at this age so I wouldn’t do anything. When he’s old enough for nursery he’ll have to wake at 7, and when that happens he will either nap more or go to bed earlier. Why force it now, if it’s working ok?

Talk to your health visitor if you’re worried about his milestones, but that won’t be due to sleep. He’s sleeping enough. And I expect that’s a normal variation too 🙂

Thanks for the advice, I’m a FTM and thought I was quite relaxed but sometimes I think it’s just mad he is awake long after my husband and I are longing to go to sleep!

He does get plenty of opportunity to nap in the pram which I take him out in at least twice a day and also in the car… sometimes he does fall asleep in both. I do have nursery in the back of my head and the worry he’ll be totally exhausted when we send him there. But like you say, May just have to wait for it to fall into place.

My health visitor was here this week and was really stressing a routine so that had me feeling a bit rattled because he doesn’t have a strong one (because of me obviously). She’s not really a reassuring type of person and had me get a glass out to see if he had meningitis because of an eczemic rash he’s had for two months.

No advice but honestly you aren't a failure! My eldest was like this then one day she fell asleep early and I thought it was a late nap but it wasn't, from then on she decided 8pm was bedtime. Can't remember how old she was though sorry but definitely less than 12 months.

Sleep is just a nightmare for lots of us for so many reasons, it's definitely not something to judge yourself on. My youngest is almost 3 and yet to sleep through, it is hideous but I don't think I've failed- we do what we can to get through it. I hope it improves for you soon.

Do you want to get settled into a routine? Or are you just feeling pressured to do it? I love, love routines and would recommend it but it's really an individual choice.

If you do want to start, the first thing I did was decide on a time to get up at every morning and a time that will be bedtime, this does sometimes mean waking them up in the morning. Especially at first.

It's also a good idea to look up wake windows for the baby's age so a nap can be attempted before they are over tired and more likely to resist. Again, waking them up after a nap may be necessary to be sure they don't sleep too much during the day.

Mine is 6 months and wakes at 7, nap 9-10, nap 12-1, nap 3-4, bed at 7.

If you are happy without a routine, that's fine too. There's still plenty of time.

I did try having a set bedtime and waking up time and found he was massively on edge for few weeks I did it, screaming for three hours between 7pm and when he wanted to sleep at 10pm - maybe I didn’t give it enough time but I felt it was going nowhere so I stopped. I would like to be in a routine but maybe I am resisting unbeknownst to myself because I do at least one group or a class a day, all at different times so would find it difficult to stick to as sometimes he needs to be awake at 10, the next day 11 and so on - so couldn’t have a consistent nap time. Maybe the answer to that is just to wait til nursery!

Aww op my ds was just like yours
My advice is don't stress yourself out trying to put a routine into place if you don't need one. I had ds booked into baby classes that started at 10am and we barely made it and when we did it was all stress and no fun rushing about as he was a late riser and desperate for more morning sleep. I understand if you have work commitments etc its not always possible to do this though and routines are best. Other pp's will be better to advise as we still don't really have a routine at 20mo... I just make sure he has had what he needs when he needs it

He actually sounds like a bloody good sleeper for a 7 month old. 11pm-9 or 10am with one wake up? I could have only dreamed of that! I think you probably just need to commit to bringing wake up time gradually earlier if you want to make changes. It seems like he’s sleeping about 10-10.5h overnight? If thats the case I’d start by waking him consistently at more like 8, then having bedtime at 9:30, then inch it earlier, so wake up at 7:30, bedtime at 9:00, then wake up at 7, bedtime at 8:30…I wouldn’t stress too much about naps. Do them on the go if you have a baby that is happy to sleep on the move. Just ensure he doesn’t sleep too close to bedtime. Maybe keep the one long nap a day in the early PM and see what else he does in the morning, even if it’s just a quick power snooze en route to a class in the pram. Good luck!

Their sleep fluctuates so so much that you may find it'll all change again soon. I'm a midwife and FTM, thought I'd be a natural expert at these sort of things... What a laugh 😭😂😂

Our little boy's general routine (and I use that term loosely) used to be

Wake at 5-6am
Nap about 8am
Awake for a few hours
Another nap about 1pm-3pm. A lovely long stretch where we could nap, eat, do the housework etc.
Awake or woken up by us about 4
Breastfed to sleep about 7pm then about 2-3 night wakings for feeds or a rock back to sleep until we start again at 5ish or 6.

He then went through what can only be described as a fuc*ing horrendous sleep regression, where he would do all the above except go to bed at night. His bedtime got later and later. Started off at 11pm, then midnight etc until eventually we were going to bed at 2am. It was horrific, even with my husband still off work we both felt so tired and struggled so much, we ended up doing shifts. He would wake me up if he needed feeding but at that time we were just existing, it wasn't fun.

I don't know what happened but he snapped out of it.

Now it's

Awake between 6-8am. BF and breakfast
Out in the pram with dad between 8-10am as by then he needs a nap
Playtime/feed
Second nap of the day. Now much much shorter, nine if these 2/3hr stretches anymore sadly.
Another wake window
Another nap time opportunity offered if his afternoon nap was quite short.
Awake by 3.
Countdown to bedtime including playtime, time outside, BF, snacks, maybe a bit of dancing fruit or bluey if we're getting desperate 😂
Bath
Bedtime between 6-7pm
Stilk wakes for a couple of BF a night.

So I guess he has a sort of routine but every so often it gets totally destroyed by teething, learning a new skill etc.

It sounds like you've got the bare bones of a good routine, and as long as you're offering naps then that's great. In our house, I do the night wakings because, boobs, but then if its been a rough night I'll get a few hours of sleep in after I've fed baby and he just maybe needs occupying until he gets tired.

He did the same tonight. BF to 'sleep' about 7ish but then pinged his eyes awake. Taken downstairs for a couple of hours of tiring him out with his dad, whilst I banked a couple of hours sleep. Woke up at 9, BF again and this time he stayed asleep. 1st night feed just completed now.

Anyway, sorry that was long but just wanted to reassure you that you don't need to impose a routine if its not working, however make sure you're getting enough rest to deal with the changes.

The absolute internal rage I used to feel when he wouldn't go to sleep. Now I have a much more, ah well, he'll sleep eventually, kind of attitude and it's definitely made things less stressful to just go with the flow.

I have however been known to walk him round and round the local park at 10/11pm to get him to sleep...

Sounds like your baby is sleeping amazingly for that age. 10-12 hours with only one wake up? I was up 3-4 times every night back then and counted myself lucky after the 4 month regression.

It just sounds like the problem is you'd rather he was doing it all earlier? You could try waking him early like others suggest. But the easiest thing is probably to just adjust your body clock. I wouldn't be changing anything if he's sleeping that well at night.

Take health visitors with a pinch of salt. I had one lovely one when I was really struggling, but the others I have met did more to make me feel worse than they did to help. Some of the most insensitive, opinionated nonsense I've ever heard.

Sounds to me like he’s doing fine.

If you want him to go to bed at night earlier and wake earlier in the morning, you need to shift his timings by a small amount each day. Eg if he usually wakes for the day at 9am then wake him at 8:45, then a couple of days later wake him at 8:30, and do it gradually. Then in turn start putting him to bed gradually earlier each night as well.