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Original poster

5 month old poor sleep making me depressed

14 replies

Sleepless2023 · 02/06/2023 16:55

Hello, this is my first post here and I guess looking for some advice or even reassurance. My baby has been a ‘bad sleeper’ since he was born. At night he would only sleep if being held and would breastfeed hourly. He would need to be held for most of the day as he would wake and cry if put down. During the day he has only ever contact napped or slept in carrier, and despite our efforts will not nap any other way. We managed after about 10 weeks to get him in to a bedside cot (breastfed to sleep) where he would sleep for the early part of the night and we got to a point where he would only wake every 2-3 hours, but would then only settle after breastfeeding. However, he is now 5 months and pretty much for 2 months now things are worse nightly. He now tantrums up-to 4 hours before settling to sleep, screaming inconsolably. He then wakes every single hour and sometimes every 45 minutes. He will only settle if given boob. During the day he also catnaps and will wake searching for boob, which if he doesn’t get his nap will be over.

We have read extensively and have tried establishing a good routine, trying everything to protect his naps, watching wake windows, a bedtime routine. He does not seem to have colic and I have tried going dairy free myself incase of an intolerance. We have tried treating him for reflux. He is breastfed and refuses to take formula. We have blackout blinds, white noise and he is not too cold. He can no longer be swaddled as he turns over.

My husband works very long hours and I have no family support. Baby is increasingly clingy during the day and only manages about 10 minutes of play before he will cry to be held. I am reaching the end of my tether and fear I am actually developing post partum depression because of this. I am desperately sleep deprived to the point I now avoid driving. I genuinely face each day and night with fear and dread now because I can no longer manage his tantrums, especially when my own reserves are so depleted. My husband tries to help with rocking baby at night but he ultimately wants boob. And I am too exhausted after every hourly waking to do anything other than just hold him and give him boob, even though I am very mindful in the longterm this will be making everything worse.

I have considered paying for a Sleep Consultant but I think to be beneficial it would need to be someone who stays with us and this is so very expensive. I am now wondering if we must do the ‘cry it out’ method as I don’t know what else I can do.

We have made an appointment to see the GP for help or to consider if there maybe a medical reason for this.

He is even now tantruming to be held when I have only just managed to eat food for the first time.

Any advice or support, or even similar experiences where things have gotten better would be appreciated. In desperate need of some hope.

Thank you and sorry for the long post.

OP posts:
Supermathsdoc · 02/06/2023 20:01

I’m afraid I don’t have solutions for you but I wanted to express how incredibly difficult this sounds and how amazingly you are doing. The GP route sounds like a good shout too.

My only thoughts, and I’m sure you have tried literally everything including this, would be to try a dummy every nap time for a good few weeks. I know it’s not a popular suggestion on MN especially at the age of your child but I know what it feels like to be completely touched out and in a situation where even your partner can’t do much because you are THE source of food and comfort.

I persevered with a dummy (wouldn’t take at all to start, then I tried inserting it while swadddled and bouncing and had some success which I could build on) It wasn’t a magic bullet but gave me some respite in terms of an alternative source of comfort. This meant I could stop any reverse cycling that may have developed and get enough of a break to feel like I could go on.

Hang in there

Justchooseone · 02/06/2023 20:05

I’m so sorry love. I was where you are 18 months ago and it’s soooooo tough. Make sure when you go to the GP you tell them how you are feeling as well.

We eventually did a form of gentle sleep training with my DC. I followed a programme from a lady on Facebook and she does the basic programme for free, and it worked for us. He was sleeping 10 hours through within a month or so. She’s a paediatric nurse and has some other qualifications. I did have DP support though and we tag teamed. PM me if you want and I’ll tell you her name xx

RichTea63 · 02/06/2023 21:07

This sounds so hard....I was in a similar place with my now 8 month old DD. We did some gentle sleep training from around 5 months....it took about 8 weeks but now she can self settle 50% of the time, she still wakes 3 times a night but this is manageable and she is in her own cot/own room. You're definitely doing the right thing ruling out anything medical that may be contributing to this. Have you tried excluding anything else apart from dairy...eggs? There are lots of different types of sleep training depending on the age and temperament of your baby...don't think CIO is your only option. Also, a sleep consultant via telephone/email may still be hugely helpful to you....I had a conversation with one and some email support that was really helpful. We found a dummy helped to, but had to persevere with this. Hang in there...you will sleep again!

slowrunner07 · 02/06/2023 21:26

Sleep training. We used the Ferber method, took about 3 days with each child, after that they would self settle at bedtime and wake once at night for milk.

Snowleopardess · 02/06/2023 21:26

Would you be happy to try to see if baby will accept a dummy, in place of them using your boob as a dummy?

DaisyChain16 · 02/06/2023 21:50

Co-sleep. Forget everything you think you should be doing or what social media tells you what your child should be doing. Sleep isn't linear and this sounds so tough. Also remember that your baby isn't having tantrums. You've got to just try and get as much sleep as you possibly can and co-sleeping will help with that.
Babies just want their mums. 5 months is still so little.

My first was exactly like this and I fought and fought to get her to sleep in her next to me - eventually surrendered to the floor bed and cosleeping and it was game changing. Yes she still woke up but I just pop the boob in for her and we'd both be back asleep in seconds.

She's now 2 and a very happy independent sleeper. Don't believe the lie that you're creating a rod for your own back! Good luck xx

RightWhereYouLeftMe · 02/06/2023 22:12

We did sleep training at 6 months because I had severe PND and was genuinely seriously suicidal. Now obviously I'm not saying that getting more sleep will cure PND, but it made such a difference.

RichTea63 · 03/06/2023 08:08

DaisyChain16 · 02/06/2023 21:50

Co-sleep. Forget everything you think you should be doing or what social media tells you what your child should be doing. Sleep isn't linear and this sounds so tough. Also remember that your baby isn't having tantrums. You've got to just try and get as much sleep as you possibly can and co-sleeping will help with that.
Babies just want their mums. 5 months is still so little.

My first was exactly like this and I fought and fought to get her to sleep in her next to me - eventually surrendered to the floor bed and cosleeping and it was game changing. Yes she still woke up but I just pop the boob in for her and we'd both be back asleep in seconds.

She's now 2 and a very happy independent sleeper. Don't believe the lie that you're creating a rod for your own back! Good luck xx

I agree with doing whatever gets the most sleep for everyone, but IME cosleeping isn't the panacea for every baby. I co slept with my first from birth until around 6 months, but we worked on her doing the first stint of sleep in her next to me...even if it was for half an hour. I then found that co sleeping was disturbing both of us and she was struggling to settle. Her sleep actually massively improved when she moved into her own room and own cot...she seemed to like her own space and being able to roll on her tummy to sleep, when safe to do so. Although I hate that term 'Rod for your own back' I do agree that babies can form negative sleep associations...I would keep persevering with the next to me if you don't feel co sleeping is the answer. There really are so many options for sleep training...there is hope!

VintedoreBay · 03/06/2023 09:16

DaisyChain16 · 02/06/2023 21:50

Co-sleep. Forget everything you think you should be doing or what social media tells you what your child should be doing. Sleep isn't linear and this sounds so tough. Also remember that your baby isn't having tantrums. You've got to just try and get as much sleep as you possibly can and co-sleeping will help with that.
Babies just want their mums. 5 months is still so little.

My first was exactly like this and I fought and fought to get her to sleep in her next to me - eventually surrendered to the floor bed and cosleeping and it was game changing. Yes she still woke up but I just pop the boob in for her and we'd both be back asleep in seconds.

She's now 2 and a very happy independent sleeper. Don't believe the lie that you're creating a rod for your own back! Good luck xx

This. I couldn't bring myself to sleep train, personally it felt cruel and mine wouldn't be put down either, would just cry and cry and that hurt my heart more, on top of lack of sleep, and just compounded the feeling that I was failing.

Mine woke every 40-45m at night and co-sleeping helped no end. I gave up focusing so much on sleep and trying to force naps and felt so much better for it too. Do you track sleeps on an app or the like? Stop.

Baby will still sleep.

slowrunner07 · 03/06/2023 11:21

Co sleeping didn't work for me, and I also couldn't feed while lying down, my boobs were the wrong shape or something. It doesn't work for everyone. Sleep training saved me with DS1 when I thought I would go mad with sleep deprivation.

Tiredmummy101 · 03/06/2023 22:54

It sounds like your little one is perhaps ready to start transitioning into their own room. My son was exactly like this, granted we still have some sleep issues but once he moved into his own room the waking every 45 mins stopped.

Each sleep cycle lasts 45 mins so when they get to the end of that they start to wake up slightly, any noise from yourself or your partner at this time will wake him up completely and result in a grumpy boy. It can help to transition slowly, so napping in cot then put him in at night. But I was so desperate I just went straight to putting him in at night, first slept for 6 hours straight 😲

RLMCG · 25/08/2023 11:11

@Sleepless2023 reading this sounds exactly where I am with my little one! Have you gotten any further forward at all?

McLondoner · 28/08/2023 04:14

Sleepless2023 · 02/06/2023 16:55

Hello, this is my first post here and I guess looking for some advice or even reassurance. My baby has been a ‘bad sleeper’ since he was born. At night he would only sleep if being held and would breastfeed hourly. He would need to be held for most of the day as he would wake and cry if put down. During the day he has only ever contact napped or slept in carrier, and despite our efforts will not nap any other way. We managed after about 10 weeks to get him in to a bedside cot (breastfed to sleep) where he would sleep for the early part of the night and we got to a point where he would only wake every 2-3 hours, but would then only settle after breastfeeding. However, he is now 5 months and pretty much for 2 months now things are worse nightly. He now tantrums up-to 4 hours before settling to sleep, screaming inconsolably. He then wakes every single hour and sometimes every 45 minutes. He will only settle if given boob. During the day he also catnaps and will wake searching for boob, which if he doesn’t get his nap will be over.

We have read extensively and have tried establishing a good routine, trying everything to protect his naps, watching wake windows, a bedtime routine. He does not seem to have colic and I have tried going dairy free myself incase of an intolerance. We have tried treating him for reflux. He is breastfed and refuses to take formula. We have blackout blinds, white noise and he is not too cold. He can no longer be swaddled as he turns over.

My husband works very long hours and I have no family support. Baby is increasingly clingy during the day and only manages about 10 minutes of play before he will cry to be held. I am reaching the end of my tether and fear I am actually developing post partum depression because of this. I am desperately sleep deprived to the point I now avoid driving. I genuinely face each day and night with fear and dread now because I can no longer manage his tantrums, especially when my own reserves are so depleted. My husband tries to help with rocking baby at night but he ultimately wants boob. And I am too exhausted after every hourly waking to do anything other than just hold him and give him boob, even though I am very mindful in the longterm this will be making everything worse.

I have considered paying for a Sleep Consultant but I think to be beneficial it would need to be someone who stays with us and this is so very expensive. I am now wondering if we must do the ‘cry it out’ method as I don’t know what else I can do.

We have made an appointment to see the GP for help or to consider if there maybe a medical reason for this.

He is even now tantruming to be held when I have only just managed to eat food for the first time.

Any advice or support, or even similar experiences where things have gotten better would be appreciated. In desperate need of some hope.

Thank you and sorry for the long post.

Did you try eat play sleep during the day. It really helped us remove the association between boob and sleep. Can start by offering feeds after sleeps to avoid tears, and gradually feeds should shift this way.

Tor88 · 01/11/2023 13:48

@Sleepless2023 did anything help?? In a similar place and really struggling

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