Co-sleeping makes no difference - help me get this baby to sleep please!!!!

[Wittsendhasarrived]

I am literally hiding under my duvet right now next toy screaming 7 month old. Since the 4 month sleep regression she has slept horrifically waking every 30-60 minutes! I brought her into my bed a month ago hoping it would help her sleep longer but no! She's still waking constantly needing boob and I just can't do it anymore. I haven't slept for longer than 2 hours at a time in months! After our 4th wake up tonight by 10 I decided I need to do some sleep training so I kissed her, told her it was time to sleep and rolled over and hid under the duvet. But she's still screaming. I've come back out to pat her and shush her every 5-10 minutes but as soon as I take my hand off her she's screaming again! This is torture for both of us! What the Hell am I supposed to do though?! I can't cope with this anymore! She needs to sleep and I need to sleep! Bringing her in bed with me has made zero difference. She knows I'm right here next to her and she's still screaming!

Could she be teething?

For 3 months straight?!? What am I supposed to do. She won't stop screaming but she won't sleep either

This is really hard, but it is communication and she could be trying to tell you something. Is she in pain? Is she eating something that’s not agreeing? Had you changed formula? Are you bf?

sending hugs

I think I’d your bf then trying to sleep train her in bed next to you isn’t going to work. She can smell the boob and she associates sleeping next to you with getting boob whenever she wants.

I slept trained my daughter around this age as she was the same, waking every hour or so, it was hell. I feel for you. But you need to get her in to a cot to do it. We were on our knees and paid for a sleep consultant as we were too tired to work out what the hell to do. Her main advice was for my DH to do the first two nights of sleep training. Basically, remove the boobs from the equation.

Good luck.

Don't start tonight when you are frantic. Get through tonight (whilst googling sleep training when you're awake if it helps) and start tomorrow with a proper plan. Start with daytime naps. You can't start and stop with it as that just confuses the baby and prolongs the whole thing so make sure you have a plan and are committed to it.

At this age we moved our first into her own cot (initially in the hope that the distance and lack of our movement etc would help). It didn't'. Then we started the controlled crying. You do absolutely need a good day time/night time routine and you need OH (if available) to help too. It is soul destroying stuff and it isn't a magic switch.

It was very effective. DD had never really put herself to sleep without being fed to sleep before that.

I know how hard the lack of sleep is... I've been there with 3 (very different) babies. I genuinely thought the 3rd was actually going to kill me (or I would smother her when I inevitably fell asleep on her).

Eldest is nearly 6 and youngest is 19 months and all are great sleepers.

On a sidenote the series Offspring (was on Netflix at the time) saved my sanity on those middle of the night cluster feeds. First episode is a bit odd but then I was hooked and would frequently wake up DH giggling at 2am.

You need a plan and support to sleep train; suddenly hiding under the covers is just going to confuse your baby!

It’s shit it really is but for tonight, survive. Feed lying down. Start putting together your plan. Is there a DP/DH in the picture? Budget to hire someone?

This was a tough age for my DD. From 4 months onwards her sleep fluctuated from wakes anywhere from 1 hour to 3 hours. It was really tough so I know exactly how you're feeling.
At the point now she's probably overtired which is why she's screaming. Unfortunately babies can't regulate their emotions so when they're worked up they need you to calm them down. Really hard to do when you are also worked up, I know.

Sleep training actually isn't essential, despite what a lot of people will say. Babies just need comfort and it's not easy for us to cope with.

The easiest way to get my DD back to sleep was always breastfeed. A lot of the time they just seek the comfort. It really won't last forever, even though it's hard. As you're breastfeeding you could try and feed on your side laying down so you don't actually have to wake too much.

Your DD is so young and separation anxiety can start to peak around this age.
By 12 months my DD was sleeping through the night. She's now almost 2 and rarely wakes in the night unless she's not feeling well/teething.

Have a look at some of the following Instagram accounts to help make some changes without controlled crying or CIO etc. as these often just stress the babies out more so they shut down rather than actually sleep better:
Little nest sleep
Second star to the right
Fox and the moon infant sleep
Hey sleepy baby

We had the same problem and controlled crying was the only thing that worked. We tried everything before.

It is horrible and you need to be strict with yourself or it's pointless.

Lots of people will say that this is cruel but it works and doesn't take long if you are stick to the rules.

Good luck. You will need it.

Milk allergy or reflux and she’s genuinely in pain and feeding for relief?

I also have a baby where co sleeping makes zero difference to her ability to sleep. She was a good sleeper until 6 months and then started waking in the night again, she simply would rather have been up playing and didn't want to be asleep.
I never wanted to co sleep anyway as I'm a very light sleeper and this would have created an extra disturbance, but we did try it out of desperation a few times and it made no difference (thankfully!).
What I would do if I were you is move her into her own cot in her own room. Sleep training in bed next to her is very unlikely to work. I did a version of controlled crying with mine as quite honestly she would cry anyway no matter what you were doing as she just wanted to get up and for it not to be sleeptime! I know that people say that self settling isn't a thing for young babies and that they need your comfort, but I really think it depends on the child. My baby is much happier now that she has the skills to settle herself at bed time as she wasn't getting the comfort she wanted from me anyway.
I also found no comfort in people saying it was normal and it would pass, there was no way I could function on 2 hour stretches of sleep over a sustained period of time and was willing to try anything to improve sleep for both of us.

@user1472831787898876 I get it isn't a comfort to everyone but sometimes knowing other people have gone or are going through the same as you is helpful.
Norma infant sleep often includes multiple wakes at night, it's just how it is.
Controlled crying doesn't teach a baby anything other than to stop signalling out to you. The wake ups are usually the same but the parent gets more sleep.
A baby just wants feeding, comfort, might be too hot or cold, teething (a million reasons), responding isn't a bad thing and I know how exhausting waking up loads is.
But at 6 months old they're not able to understand that you're in another room etc.

You are absolutely right, it may be of help to some people to know they are not alone in what they're going through, I was just trying to give a different perspective based on how I felt.
Also completely accept your other points and wish I had been able to respond in a way to comfort my baby. I tried many things and nothing worked, she would still just cry. I was very much against anything like controlled crying, but it really felt like we had nothing to lose.

@user1472831787898876 I completely get it, it's so much hard work and tbh, I was not prepared for how difficult it was.
My DD and now DS definitely do not have the lovely easy going temperament to leave them. They are definitely the kind of kids who would get so stressed that they vomit if left to cry for too long (not that I've tested that).

We all try and do our best x

Does she have a dummy?

The 4 month old regression nearly broke me too, so sending solidarity!

I followed the advice in this at 6 months and my child went from waking up every 45 minutes to sleeping through on night 2.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/sleep/1394888-What-worked-for-us-Hope-this-helps

Oh love, this happened to me too.

I cracked at 7 months and did jo frosts method of sleep training. It worked within 3 nights and from then on my daughter slept through the night (she’s now 6 and still does).

my main tips were

• she was in her own rooms at 6 months
• we had a really established bedtime routine (bath, book, song)
• I breastfed in the day but bottle at night and only gave water before 1am
• dh did the first 3 nights - I did night wake ups but followed the jo frost method
• i didn’t use it for day naps until 10 months. In the day I let her sleep on me.

I hope the helps - the first night was the worst but the culminative crying was only 36 mins (much less than a standard night) and the 3rd night was less than a minute.

And I've never bought the line about sleep trained children simply learning not to call out because nobody comes. In my experience, what they learn is the skill of how to fall asleep independently. My child still cried out if they were unwell / had a nightmare / went through another regression.

Obviously that is just an anecdote - this article looks at some of the data: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/19/opinion/sunday/baby-breastfeeding-sleep-training.html