Breastfed 10 month old won’t self settle - pls help!

[astarismum]

My DD is 10 months old and still needs to be fed to sleep. She is exclusively breastfed and really addicted to my boobs. I’ve tried teaching her to self settle by putting her in her cot drowsy but awake (after a big feed). She normally bubbles away for a while, rolls over etc. And once she is really tired she screams until I pick her up and feed to sleep. I’ve introduced a comforter - a little blanket with lots of labels to touch. She liked touching the blanket for a while but now she couldn’t care less about it. We never used a dummy (baby didn’t want it) and she never sucked her fingers. Literally the only thing that will put her to sleep is my boobs or a buggy.

My DH would like to help but the problem is that he has never managed to put her to sleep for any of the naps or at bedtime. Sometimes he is able to rock her back to sleep if she wakes up before midnight. He has never managed to rock her back to sleep after midnight though!

I am so exhausted! I am the one doing all the naps, bedtime and nights and the sleep is getting worse and worse. Currently she goes to sleep around 6:30pm on me and I transfer her into her cot. If I try to unlatch her and put her into her cot before she falls asleep she will scream her head off and I cannot stand seeing her like this! Next time she wakes up is around 10pm (and I feed her), then 2am another feed. Around 4am she wakes up again and I know that there is no chance I can put her back to sleep in her cot so I bring her into our bed and she literally stays latched on until 6am when I finally give up and get up with her.

We are currently doing 2 naps: around 1.5h at 9am and 1h at 1pm.

Any advice? I am sooo tired. It has been almost a year of no single full night of sleep.

10 months exclusively breastfeeding, Christ, no wonder you're exhausted.

I thought babies needed to start solids around 6 months because they need more nutrients than breastmilk provides??

Advice- seek guidance for weaning your DC now!

Hmm I imagine op's baby does also have solids.

My son would only be rocked to sleep until he was 16m or so and would wake multiple times. I think you do have to keep them in their cot and work through the crying. You can still be there holding their hand or shushing etc. It gets better quickly. We got a projector with lights to watch which helped calm him, I still put it on at bed time.

She is using you as a dummy. Mine went on the bottle when I’d had enough and wanted my body/sleep back.

Exclusively breastfeeding in this instance (to me) means that baby still doesn't or won't take a bottle or cup of milk. Nothing to do with solids. My 15 month is still exclusively breastfed and won't take any milk, pumped, cow or oat, from any other vessel - she eats both her own and her big brother's solid food though, and drinsk water well!

No help with your question op. Mine doesn't self settle yet, I just co sleep topless (so she doesn't wake me much/fully at night). No full night sleep for 4.5ish years here, my older boy still doesn't sleep through the night (health issues but was never breastfed). When the nausea wears off you begin to get forgetful, which is much better.

I used to go to bed about that time and get up about 5/6. Co-slept topless like the previous poster which means you both get more sleep.

Of course she is on solids. I give her water with meals and try to encourage her to drink more in between meals too. What I meant is that she won't go to sleep without breastfeeding.

Thanks for all your messages! Sleeping topless is what I do every night after 2/4am but I was really hoping that at 10 months my baby would sleep through the night! I know that the problem is that now her body is used to getting a lot of milk at night. How do I wean her off the night feeds and teach to self settle so that she can sleep from 7-7?

4.5 Years?! Oh my! How old is your son?

@astarismum He's 4.5 years ;)

@astarismum this definitely sounds stressful and like the lack of sleep is getting unbearable!

in terms of weaning night feeds (as this is something you’ve expressed you want to do), I did it gradually over a week or two. So reducing the feeds by 1-2 minutes each night - this may be difficult if your LO is falling asleep latched.

it sounds like you’re trying to take steps away from the feeding to sleep at bedtime which is the right part to focus on. As a pp said, can you begin trying to settle her without picking her up? Shushing, patting, holding hands, stroking her face etc.?

we ended up doing a version of Ferber for our LO once we had laid some good foundations for self settling in the cot, making it a pretty quick process.

it’s tough but babies learn new habits in just 3 days, so if you can stay consistent with keeping her in the cot through some crying she will get there. Put some headphones in and take deep breaths to make it easier for you

"Exclusive breastfeeding" is defined as giving no other food or drink – not even water – except breast milk. - (World Health Organisation)

Sorry OP & others misinterpreting EBF, but if you're going to tell people you're exclusively breastfeeding your 10 month old it's bound to alarm! Even women who can't or don't feed directly at the breast but express into bottles are breastfeeding. Wish you luck unlatching your DD & getting some much needed sleep though! X

I think it's optimistic to think a 10 month will sleep through the night. Night waking is a normal infant behaviour until about 3YO. It's also hard to teach a baby to "self settle", it's a bit of a myth based on a study where some babies naturally settled off to sleep whereas others needed input. Putting your baby on formula at this point will also be difficult too, and it's likely Dad will struggle to settle her and you'll be called in to put her to bed if he tries. You'll have then lost your boobs as a settling tactic too. However, I do think there's things you can do - when you unlatch her, place your fingers under her chin and gently keep her mouth closed. This helps her tongue stay suctioned to the roof of her mouth and she will likely stay asleep. You can also play music or a story while feeding to sleep, and get her used to this for a few days. Then when she wakes in the night, play the same music and just cuddle instead, and this will help cut out a feed in the night. I know it's really tough OP, and you need to be maximising sleep so I would suggest co sleeping all night (side car a cot to your bed?) and accepting that in this season of life you're going to bed early to make sure you get enough sleep. It's not forever 💞

Hi, my little one is exactly like this right now even waking around the same times as you have described!
Did you manage to find something that did the trick? If so please share!

Hey, sorry no improvement here yet. My DD is 18 months old now and we are still struggling with sleep. We co-sleep every night to get at least some rest and she drinks loads of milk at night. Reading back my original post I cannot believe I was complaining about her not sleeping through at 10 months... At this stage, I am just hoping she will naturally start sleeping through once all the teeth are out. There are only 4 to go! Good luck guys! Sleep deprivation is so tough...

Oh goodness… I was hoping for you to say you’d cracked it 😅
We are trying a different routine out with my husband putting baby to bed and going in at least once through the night to settle him back down and also not feeding him to sleep anymore - including nap times - so he doesn’t associate breastfeeding with sleep. Hoping to do this consistently over the weekend. Will report back if it was a success! 😬

hello! Reading the original post I’m in the exact same boat. Would you mind sharing how things are now please? It would be really helpful. Thank you.

Instead of wasting time searching online for wome snake oil. Just accept this is the temperament of your child and focus more on ways you can all get sleep. If that means cosleeping then Co sleep.

Thats what happened to me wasted hundreds of hours trying to find a cure or magic combination. Nothing worked. In the end embraced it and coslept until DS was 2. Moved to own bed in same room and then moved to own room at 3. He self settled at 2 falling asleep initially then needed comfort at night wakings. Now 3 in his own room we leave the room while he is awake and he needs us to comfort him when he wakes around 12 and sometimes around 4am. Just his temperament. And we will follow the cues and needs of DS2 who is 3 months. Self settled and only woke 1 or 2 times up until he turned 3 months now starting sleep regression he does 4/5 hour stretch then up 1.5hrs each time until 7am. We Co sleep now and nurse on demand. So I wake up once fully for nappy change and then the rest of the night I wake up slightly to latch him and I go back to sleep. I am well rested and once he can go the whole night without a nappy change it will be even better for us all.

Just embrace it and make it work. They will eventually grow out of it and develop the skills. The skills like potty training can't be forced it is hormonal so sleep training is a complete farce as Drs in child development will confirm you can't force a baby to self settle or STTN it happens when they are ready. Some that maybe 6 months others that maybe 3 years. But night wakings that require your help to get them back to sleep is 100% normal until age 5. A 4 year old who has a bad dream may need comfort either to come to your room or you to come to theirs. It is normal. Parenting is 24 hours not 8am - 8pm and the night the baby/toddler is on their own. How cruel.

I had nightmares as a child that disturbed me until age 7 and I would go to my parents bed for comfort if they had turned me away I would have issues for sure. After that age I was able yo manage my night wakings from bad dreams as they got less severe and mentappy mature enough to understand they were just dreams and I could self settle.
What parent refuses to comfort a baby/toddler when they cry for help? The mind boggles.

Also understand sleep needs vary child to child. Average daily sleep needs vary massively. Some babies need 17 hours lf sleep and some only needs 11 hours in 24hrs. So if your baby needs to nap w very 2 hours that eats up total sleep so at night maybe your baby needs only 7 hours. So they will wake up more often and need to rebuild sleep pressures. It is not one size fits all with sleep just like adults.