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Original poster

Does your DP do his/her share of sleepless nights?

33 replies

helenelisabeth · 18/02/2008 23:31

or do they retire in blissful ignorance to the spare bedroom?

DD2, BF, having few sleepless nights recently, co-sleeping from about 1-2am, DH makes hasty retreat to spare bed. Pisses me off as spent majority of last night massaging DD's tummy as she was constipated (another story) and could have done with some fecking help!

OP posts:
meglet · 19/02/2008 09:21

My DP was useless too. He never even heard DS cry, let alone got up in the night. I would be trying to get a wailing DS to latch on, only inches from DP's head, and he didn't even stir. DP said once "ooh, he doesn't wake up much does he!". Me !

Some men are a bit crap during the early baby months I think. It gets better. x

AussieSim · 19/02/2008 09:26

My DH is totally bomb-proof. With DS1 I would wake him and tell him it was his turn, but as I lay there getting frustrated that he was handling it so badly and not be able to go to sleep anyway, I gave up and just took care of business.

bigknickersbigknockers · 19/02/2008 09:26

My DH has never had a really sleepless night, he has had slightly disturbed nights but after 3 kids I can honestly say he has never done any feeds (youngest 2 were BF) and doesnt hear any of them if they wake in the night.

Men have selective hearing IMO

Original poster
helenelisabeth · 19/02/2008 10:01

It is amazing how they are shattered the next day - I'm like WTF?

OP posts:
Stefka · 19/02/2008 10:03

My DH never does night stuff. Once I asked him to change a nappy at 2am and he snored in reply.

TigerFeet · 19/02/2008 10:09

DH and I are currently mid argument about this.

DD is 3.7 and for the past few months has gone from being a brilliant sleeper to an utter nightmare. DH has taken to sleeping on the sofa leaving me to see to her when she wakes which can be anything up to 5 or 6 times a night.

Oh, but, of course, it is just as bad for him isn't it, as he ocasionally gets woken by her crying or hearing her or me walking about upstairs. It's so tiring for him. All that effort - wake up, fart, roll over, go back to sleep.

What pisses me off the most is he doesn't seem to understand why I have a problem with it.

Karen999 · 19/02/2008 10:16

DP has always taken his turn....especially at weekends....although does need to kip for an hour or so in the day, which does not bother me as I would rather have a long lie.....

pelafina · 19/02/2008 10:55

Message withdrawn

ReverseThePolarity · 19/02/2008 11:01

Dh - when he was working and I was on mat leave - would say, "but I need my sleep, I have work the next day," and retreat to the sleepy comforts of the spare room while I soothed ds at the breast.

Now I am working and he is on sick leave this is conveniently forgotten.

Okay so ds is breastfed so dh can't do night feeds but it isn't always feeding he wants, often it's just a cuddle or a soothing back rub... and on the odd occasion dh does get involved he is O so tired the next day and "needs" a daytime kip, or a lie-in, or something along those lines.

But he has to watch his stress levels according to the Doctor and needs to get lots of rest. Fair enough, but didn't I need lots of rest postnatally?

Meeely2 · 19/02/2008 11:02

first 2 weeks, he did all the night feeds (DT's were bottle fed), and they settled pretty well after a feed. Few weeks on we switched to me going to bed when dt's went to bed, about 8, he would stay up til next feed, 11/midnight, then come to bed and I would get up for next one, 3/4am. Meant we both got a long stretch of sleep. Few months after that they started to sleep through, he got selectively deaf. We then hit rock bottom when he just refused point blank to spend time with us and just DID NOT do his fair share. 3 years on and whoeever hears them gets up (usually him actually!) and we take it in turns at weekends for the morning duty (they are early risers), so we each get a lie in.

He needed a BIG wake up call when they were 2, which he got and we been fine ever since.

notnowbernard · 19/02/2008 11:06

He did if he woke up

I was constantly amazed by his ability to sleep through their racket. Incredible.

expatinscotland · 19/02/2008 11:06

Yes, because I wake his book ass UP and even leave the house so he can sort it out.

Yes, that's right, I drive off and leave him.

His kids, too.

Men are 'crap' at babies because people let them off with BS.

notnowbernard · 19/02/2008 11:10

Don't think cannon-fire would wake dp, tbh.

funnyhaha · 19/02/2008 11:11

Yes - in fact since the kids ahve stopped being babies, he's become a much lighter sleeper than me & now is more likely to wake for them that I am

Strangely, I always wake first if they're ill though...

Meeely2 · 19/02/2008 11:12

expat, if you drive off though you are not getting any rest either? so how is that helping you?

I found that as with a child, if my DH knew what was expected, he was quite happy to oblige - however he needed to be TOLD, not hinted at, not nudged, not moaned at but TOLD.

"these are your kids, we both work full time, you will be doing saturday mornings and I will be doing Sunday...if they wake in the night during the week, we will either both deal or whoever is awake deals, if one of us seems to be waking more than the other, the following night the one who did not get up the night before gets up."

with my dt's it worked better if the same parent dealt with them in one particular night....not swapping and changing. Now they only wake to tell me they cold, need a hug, or want their noses wiping, which is 5 mins out of my night, so not bothered who does it to be honest.

Karen999 · 19/02/2008 11:15

I once worked with a girl who was always moaning about how her DH never got up with the kids....she would say that he did not hear them!! FFS - wake him up! I asked her how he got up in the morning for work, and she said that the alarm clock woke him up. I told her to set it off when the kids woke!! Some women moan and then do nothing about it!

Agree with Expat. Both parents should take turns.

lillypie · 19/02/2008 11:18

meglet my dp was exactly the same!Although he's brilliant with dd now,he still never stirs if she wakes at night lol

EiWishFor3MoreWishes · 19/02/2008 11:18

no my DH has rarely ever gotten up in the night to DD. his excuse when i was on MAT leave was that he was in work the next day so needed his sleep but now that i am back at work full time and DD (2.2) still wakes up 2-3 times most nights he just snores on even if i wake him up he just turns over and pretends not to hear her so i have to get up anyway.
i remember one night when DD was about 8weeks old. she woke up at about 12am and decided to stay awake so at 230am i was sat watching info-mercials in bed whilst BF DD adn DH turned over looked at the TV and then said to me can you switch that off im trying to sleep i wouldnt have been so bothered if he was in work the next day but it was the weekend and he said the next day that as he works and 'i sit at home' he deserves a good night sleep so obv i dont then?? [ggggrrrrr] and to think i am trying to do it all again
xx ei xx

notnowbernard · 19/02/2008 11:20

In the early days I did also used to think to myself, "Well, is there any point in me waking dp up, in order for him to pass me a baby who is then going to lie there and bf from me?"

pistachio · 19/02/2008 11:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 19/02/2008 11:41

Because I drive off, park and sleep in the car.

So yes, that is helping me.

I can sleep on the ground and it doesn't bother me a lick.

He pulled that 'I don't hear them' stunt.

Well, he can feel me turning the lights on and ripping the duvet off before I walked out the door.

I even slept in the car in the car park.

It's a partnership. It takes two to make a child. I want mine growing up knowing it's a give and take.

Meeely2 · 19/02/2008 12:26

oh i agree expat, defo a partnership and he defo needs to do his fair share, just not sure driving off is the best deal for you! Surely telling him it's his turn then going back to sleep is the best way and less of an upheaval?

Meeely2 · 19/02/2008 12:28

i have done the driving off thing though, but only at bedtime - over tired kids, mardy hubby, not a great combo, then hubby decides to helpfully suggest that perhaps something about my approach is wrong.....pick up my keys, my bag and wallet and off to the pub - if I so crap and he so great, he can do it, by himself.....

expatinscotland · 19/02/2008 12:41

I've done that, too.

I've driven off to the cinema and caught whatever film was due to start.

sophiewd · 19/02/2008 12:46

Dh did more than his fair share of night feeds, in fact most of them after first month, he still always gets up with DD every morning while lets me have an extra 30 mins in bed.