Transition to toddler bed, he won't fall asleep alone

[YearoftheRabbit23]

My 23 month old has been a decent sleeper, we did cry it out around 5-6 months and he was able to get to sleep himself no problem. However we've had to transition him to a toddler bed because he was easily climbing out of his cot.

Just before the bed transition, we had a 2 week holiday where he was constantly escaping his travel cot so we had to stay in the room with him as he fell asleep on our bed and then we transferred him to his cot.

At home, the first few nights of toddler bed were fine, stories, then night night and he kept playing with his books in the dark and falling asleep alone. Then a couple of rough nights where he wouldn't sleep and we ended up staying in the room, a couple more nights where he fell asleep alone, and then over the last week it's been a nightmare, impossible to leave until he's asleep. He screams and cries and when we go back in tries to stop us leaving. Tried crying it out but that was impossible, I feel he's too aware at his age and he's going to be too confused by this, we never leave him to cry in other situations.

I don't lie down next to him, I stand by the door trying not to interact, but we have a creaky door and floor so impossible to sneak out.

This is hell. It's taking him 45mins after lights out to fall asleep. We need to stop this, my mum had to lie down with me till I was about 6, I do NOT want to end up in this situation!

Naps are also messed up during this period, he won't fall asleep then conks out in the pram later in the afternoon.

Lights out: 7.30-7.40pm
Wake up: 6am (he's always been an early riser)
Nap: used to be 1.30 for up to 2 hours, now even at 2pm or 3pm no luck then conks out in pram at 4pm for about 45 mins

Please share your experiences and advice! Thanks!

Bless you - I can only sympathise. Sounds like you have a little monkey like me 🤣

My son is 26 months. Just before he turned 2, he started climbing out of his cot. (He just walked into the kitchen one afternoon he was meant to be napping, you can imagine our surprise).

Prior to this, he was a good sleeper - put himself to sleep and self settled during the night (unless unwell or nightmare etc). We did gentle sleep training (not using cry it out) when he was about 18months to get him to this stage though.

So, the toddler bed arrived, and he was obsessed with being able to get out of it - so that's all he did. Over and over again. I was no way going back to having to stay in the room while he fell asleep, I nearly lost my mind when we had to do that when he was younger. So we put a baby gate on his bedroom door so he couldn't get out. Then when he would get up and shout for us, we would leave him for a few mins until the whining turned into crying, and tell him that it's bedtime. Put him back in bed, and made sure we were very boring and consistent. That was key. Didn't engage in his silly tricks or chats, just kept saying it's bedtime, you need to stay in bed. Its bedtime. Night night. Leave the room. Rinse and repeat. I would go into our bedroom so he couldn't see me standing on the landing when he opened his door. He soon got bored of getting up and would go to sleep.

I have to say this lasted a while. He's been going to bed as normal for about a month now, but thankful we are now back to normal. He still does get up on the odd occasion now, but that's normally when he's napped too long as nursery.

In terms of naps at home, these went out the window with the cot. He still will NOT nap, he gets serious fomo and regardless of how tired he is, he has the ability to get out of bed so he does. We stopped trying a long time ago! We plan a car journey around nap time if I think he really needs some sleep. I actually don't mind the lack of nap - it means he goes to bed 30mins early and is out like a light and there's absolutely no messing and getting out of bed.

Good luck - thinking of you 🤣

Put him to bed while you do jobs like cleaning the bath etc. so he can hear you bumbling around but he’s in bed.

@pebbles3004 thanks for sharing your experience, I can imagine your surprise when he showed up in the kitchen!

It looks increasingly like the nap is going to be dropped, he's just not settling at naptime, the problem is if we then put him in the pram he falls asleep so he definitely is tired. But he just doesn't want to nap!!

We're now trying the stool strategy, sitting in the stool by the door while he falls asleep, then gradually we're going to move the stool outwards.... But we're flying ling haul in a week so even if it works, our travels are going to mess everything up!