CC: Do I set a maximum time-limit? And do I wait till he's calm before I leave the room?

[sleepdeprived]

Please explain how max time limit works, how long it should be, etc. And what you actually do when you go in to "reassure".

For lots of info on children's sleep, as well as stuff on cc, I recommend Richard Ferber's book, Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems - you can prob get it from the library.

Hi sleepdeprived

Lots of sympathy - it's hard work.

The way I did it, I went in, no eye contact, no talking, no getting dd out of bed, just gave her a hug in her cot and waited for her to calm down - usually a couple of mins max. If you get into talking or playing, that will reinforce the 'let's shout for mummy' idea as your child will think that it's a fun/happy time. The aim is to ensure that they feel safe and calm, but not to engage.

Then would say 'night night', put her down and leave the room. She would usually start crying again as I left. I'd leave her for 5 mins, then go in and do it all again, then leave it for 10 mins, then go in and do it again, then 15 mins, etc. I found that, unless there was something else wrong like a stuffy nose or a temp, she eventually went off. Actually, as I was writing that, I remember that when she was quite little (before she was 1) I used to give her a bottle if she didn't calm down after half an hour, and that invariably did the trick.

Others will have other ideas......good luck whatever you decide.

I need to start this tonight aloha!

Thanks turkey, that's very helpful. I'm full of trepidation about this, not sure if I can really do it

sleepdeprived
be brave! think 'short term pain, long term gain'. Imagine what it's like to sleep through......

Try and get full support of dp if you have one, and, if you want to, you could set up camp outside the bedroom so you don't have to go back to your bed. I got to the stage when I was sleeping in the spare room because it's right next door to dd and because then I felt that my dh wasn't getting as disturbed.

It's helpful if you've got a clock or watch you can see in the dark too. The least amount of light you need to operate, the better - keeps you in night time mode so you can cat nap, and keeps your ds in night time mode too.

I really hope it works out. Tonight might be awful, but by this time next week, you might have a new life......

let us know how you get on. Another thing - i never switch the light on - even the lowest setting of touch lamp, altho we do have the landing light on all night anyway but this doesn't provide much light in DD's room. Probably why i have so much difficulty in finding her in the cot!

The Ferber way is to do, say, 5, 10, 15, and then stay at fifteen for the night.

If your child sleeps for a while, then wakes up, but shouldn't be awake then, you do 5, 10, 15, all over again.

I'm pretty sure calm talking is ok by Ferber, but absolutely no picking up.

I tend to lean down to cuddle, I talk calmly, stroke his head or face, and generally try to calm him down. Sometimes going in just winds them up more - you learn to identify the "just about to fall asleep" cry and distinguish it from more upset sounds.

Best of luck. It's hard, but it does generally pay off.

Thanks so much for your support. Unfortunately DS seems to be getting a cold PLUS DP is out this evening and can't help tonight - early start + heavy day tomorrow - so I'm going to have to postpone starting this. Will probably just do pick up/put down tonight as I've been doing for the past week or so, see how it goes then start CC when he's over his cold. That'll give me time to read Ferber too.

That sounds very sensible. cc isn't really something to rush into, and it really is easier with support and help.

I'm waiting for the Ferber book to arrive so haven't started anything drastic - but last night I tried going in after 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5 mins - after 5, when I laid DS down (he was standing), he just kept on crying in his cot. Tried to calm him without picking up, but after 15 mins of hysteria I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do so gave him a quick cuddle and put him back down. Then of course I found myself basically doing a slow version of pick-up-put-down (which really doesn't seem to work for DS, in terms of solving the problem).

Agh. I'm doing it all wrong, aren't I? DS just gets to a certain pitch with his crying and I can't stand it any more - I'm afraid he's going to have a fit or something. Ferber says you should just let them vomit, doesn't he? Not sure I could handle that.

bump

hi sleepdeprived.
sorry to hear that you're having a hard time with this.
in your position, i think i would wait a bit longer before going in the first time. maybe a couple of minutes instead of 1. it is really really hard, but if you are content that everything else is OK (clean nappy, not hungry, not ill, etc), then you may have to let your child cry it out. it is difficult, i know. the thing about eventually giving in is that you are reinforcing the message that if you ds cries you will eventually capitualte, so he'll just keep doing it.
it is highly unlikely that he will have a fit. he might vomit, that's true.
what about doing it half and half with your dh? that reinforces that you both aren't going to give in on this to your ds, and it means that you get the support you need.
really hope it works for you soon and stay strong!

Have to say I'm with you on that one!! DD1 never got that upset, but DD2 seems to be heading that way!!!

We used gradual withdrawal with DD1 and it worked. It was more to get her to go to sleep without a bottle, than to stop her needing us in the night. Can take a few nights though!!

I have just read the NCT sleep book, makes some interesting views, not everyone's cup of tea though!

Can only really sympathise, though I feel we will be with you soon, as DD2 has decided she does not like to sleep!!!

ruinedxmas you're right - actually that's a typo, I did start at 2 mins. Thanks both for the support!

What does the NCT book say?

watching this with interest! DD (5mo) has no problems going to sleep but wont stay asleep! read all the books i could find in the library, including tracy hogg and that other evil one but no use! they all seem to concentrate on getting the babies to sleep rather than making them sleep through!

Hope you find some solution. Were going thorugh the same thing. DD 6 months goes to sleep fine at night in her cot on her own but wakes constantly through the night. She wont go to sleep unless cuddled and then wakes up the minute shes in her cot. Ive resorted to having her in bed but really need a decent sleep. Im contemplating doing cc over xmas. Not sure what to do about the dummy though. I dont know if its best to go cold turkey at the same time as cc or not. Sorry I ant be a help.

I did CC with DS when he was just over 1. The first 2 nights were pretty bad, but I kept a little note of how often he woke up and how long it took to go back to sleep. There was an improvement by the 2nd night so that gave me the strength to carry on.

I found doing something (even at 3am) helped me resist going in and picking him up. It really is worth the time and effort it takes. DS is now 2.8 and he is a very good sleeper, just need to find a way to keep him in bed past 6am!

Once you start you really should stick with it, I know its easier said than done! By the 3rd night, he should start getting the hang of it. Make sure that anyone dealing with your ds during the night is following the same steps as you. Also, see if you can do it at a time when no-one has to get up early the next day. Maybe the bank holidays coming up would be a good time to start?