Sleep training 2 year old

[Nuttal]

Hello. Hope someone can help me with tips to sleep train my 2 year old DS.

In terms of background, he hasn't always been a terrible sleeper. From age 3 months until 10 months he used to sleep through the night in his cot and I just kept saying to DH how lucky we were to have such a good sleeper! However, it all went wrong at 10 months and it reached a point where he'd be hysterical if we put him down in his cot. He'd also be up for 2-3 hours in the night at lot of the time and I just couldn't get him back to sleep.

So now we put him down in his own room on a mattress on the floor and either me or DH lie with him until he falls asleep. We have no issue lying with him but the problem is that it takes between 1 - 1.5 hours for him to fall asleep! Both DH and I work full time with long commutes so that coupled with housework means this just isn't sustainable and is making us both miserable and preventing us from even thinking about trying for a second DC.

Then during the night he wakes up and we have to bring him into our bed which if he then sleeps is ok(ish) apart from all the kicking throughout the night. We have also had occasions where we just can't get him back to sleep and he's been awake for 2-3 hours.

Should this be happening at age 2? If not then what can I do? I feel he's too old for Ferber and making him cry to sleep would break my heart. Could gradual retreat work? How could I go about trying this on an older child? Tbh I wish I had tackled this earlier when he was a baby.

If this is just totally normal then I will just accept it and continue but I keep getting told that at 2 he should be sleeping through.

My 2 year old needs me to lie with her to fall asleep and that can take about an hour and she wakes up about 3 times a night and takes a while to go back to sleep too.

Some 2 year olds just lie down in a cot and fall asleep then sleep though and others need more comfort and reassurance

Thanks @violetskypurple - Until now I had accepted this too but I met with a group of mum friends recently and they all really made it seem as though he should be able to sleep through by now and that I had created a rod for my own back

Have you tried her going to bed a little later? We had this problem but turned out she just wasn't tired enough?

Really normal as well for a 2 year old to need you to fall asleep and still wake in the night.

Nap too long? Bedtime too early? Both maybe?

If it’s taking that long for him to fall asleep then he is probably not tired enough. What time does he go to bed / do you start trying to get him to sleep? And how long does he nap for in the day? My toddler also needs us to lie with them until they fall asleep and usually this takes about 20 minutes or so but if we try bedtime too early or they nap too long then it can take much longer. For reference our DC is 2.5 - we limit naps to an hour and get them in bed for 6.45, read books until 7/7.15 then asleep by 7.30.

Please don't let other mums tell you what is or isn't 'normal' - all children are different! For example, I have friends who's child wakes up 2 or 3 times a night but climbs into their bed, another who's child is conked out straight away and then mine who is in the middle where they occasionally wake up and need a cuddle.

If your current situation isn't working for you then I'd suggest the same as PP in terms of putting to bed kate or reducing naps etc.

I've tried the groclock accompanied with a sticker chart for staying in bed which worked really well. It took a few weeks but its been a great little tool. Mine wad around 2 when we introduced it.