My 11 year old is always asleep by 8pm - worried for school residential

[KimGa]

My ds age 11 has always been an early riser, never ever sleeps past 6a.m regardless of bedtime. He has always needed a lot of sleep and for years he would be in bed asleep by 7pm.

In the last year or so it’s moved to more like 8pm but I know this is unusual for his age. Friends seem to be going to bed at 10/10.30.

He doesn't complain and still goes willingly at that time because he knows he feels rubbish the next day if he tries to stay up late, and he understands that the friends staying up later also sleep usually later in the morning. I probably ought to be grateful we are still getting an evening to ourselves!

However I am a bit worried for his school residential coming up - it’s PGL for 5 days and I understand the activities go on until 9.30pm and obviously the kids won’t go straight to sleep. He went for his first sleepover at a friend’s house this week and slept from about 10.30-6. The next day he was shattered and really struggled with his mood and emotions (he has anxiety around his allergies which gets worse with tiredness). I just don’t know how he’s going to cope with 5 days of that especially when all the days will be jam packed full of physical activity and more exhausting anyway.

Is there anything I can do to help? Should I gradually start pushing bedtime back a few weeks before to help his body get used to less sleep?!!

Our daughter is totally different, only age 6 but doesn’t sleep until 8/8.30pm and if she stays up late she’s not really affected by it the next day.

Well you could try and slowly push bedtime later or he may actually sleep in a bit later due to how busy the day's will be.

My DD is similar. She actually had long Covid so for ages was sleeping 8pm-8am every day and I was worried about her residential in year 5. It was only 2 nights but she coped. She came home absolutely shattered and had to have the Monday off school. I asked the teachers if this was ‘ok’ and they said she’d been great, participated fully etc but by the end they could see she was very tired so a day off was needed.

This year she goes for 4 nights…I’m also worried but her sleeping is now more like 9-8am so a bit improved but still much more than her friends all sleep and like you say with a lot of activity she will be v tired. I plan to ask for her to share with children who are likely to sleep / not stay up even later and also to push her bedtime back to 9.15 in the weeks preceding. I’m also scheduling a full weekend of rest for her when she gets home. Try not to worry. I was very worried last year and she took it in her stride and had a great time. It’s part of life that sometimes we have to function when tired and he will probably do better than you think.

A child on DD’s trip went home because she couldn’t sleep on the first night so went home the second. Sometimes these things happen. I think you have to go with the flow somewhat and just hope he does ok. The teachers also said if my DD was ever really tired they would allow her to go and have a nap / rest in the day. She didn’t need that but they did understand her needs. Obviously she’s had long Covid fatigue so it’s different but lots of kids have particular needs.

im worried about secondary school / early starts etc and late clubs and homework but there’s nothing I can do except hope she copes and if not speak to school. Some kids (and adults) need more rest and that’s ok.

my other daughter is like yours sounds. She’s 8 and sleeps 8.30-6.30am every day. She just doesn’t need as much sleep and never has.

When is this trip? Family movie night on Friday/Saturday nights staying up til 10-11 pm might be a good way of getting in some practice.

I’d be hopeful that with the excitement, new surroundings and all the activities that he’d be ok running on fumes for a few nights. The distractions during the day should mean he’s not focusing on feeling tired.

I had a similar anxiety around sleeping/not being able to sleep when I was the same age. I remember getting really upset about another night of not being able to get to sleep and my dad saying “Fallopians, the worst thing that will happen will be that you feel a bit tired tomorrow. It’s not ideal but you’ll be alright.” I still think back on that conversation as an adult when I’m struggling to relax.

I think you are overthinking it as we all do of course as mums that what you do

Let him go but warn the teacher or the group leader he's assigned to then let it go.

Some will go go bed earlier than others that's fine. He will most probably have a bloody ball and sleep for England when he's home.