9 week old - help

[KatieAH]

Hi ladies, I’m really seeking reassurance and any advice as I’m at such a low today.
I have a 9 week old daughter and 2 year old son and I just can’t seem to manage it at all well. My daughter only seems to settle in the sling or in the move, she won’t sleep in her cot in the day (does at night after much settling). I feel like I’m getting something really wrong. She is so fussy (not reflux etc) and it takes us ages to get her to settle at night, basically feed her until she passes out which I know isn’t right! I blame myself as her naps in the day as so disjointed that she’s overtired and fed up by nighttime.
my partner works long hours and I don’t have a second to myself, I am barely eating or looking after myself because she cries when I put her down.

I just can’t figure out what to do, I desperately want to follow a routine but with a toddler in tow I don’t know how to do it as I can’t stay home all day. I feel like I’m flailing around without a direction in sight.

i know she’s young but I can’t have her in the sling all day it’s hurting my back and I need some structure. I feel like I’m failing her and getting it all wrong, I’m not enjoying a second of this and I feel so guilty about that.

sorry for the long rambling post, in tears trying to get it all out. Please say it’ll get easier, she’s my last baby and I hate feeling this way.
xx

I sorry to say she sounds pretty normal from
your description. Exhausting and frustrating but normal.

It will get easier! Sorry I don’t have any helpful advice, my son (only child) wanted to be held or on me all the time and it was tiring, so I imagine you must be totally exhausted with a toddler too. Just go easy on yourself, you’re not doing anything wrong and this will pass. Will she settle in the pram if you go out for walks or to the park so your toddler can run around?

I have a 10 week old and a 3 year old and I’m with you in the same boat!
Its hard. I don’t have much advice just know you’re not alone. And it will (I hope) get better.
My 10 week old only sleeps for 20/25 mins at a time. I know he needs more but the 3 year old thinks he’s helping by following me around.
I have up on the sling as my back was breaking.
When the days have been nice Iv packed a bag and we’ve gone out for the day.
Baby sleeps better on the move and my toddler gets to play in the park or at a soft play.
Probably won’t help in the long run with routines and such but it gets me through the day!
Hes my last baby to so some how we need to enjoy it! X

This is entirely normal for such a young baby. I think all talk of routines should wait, or you'll drive yourself mad with the pressure.

You’re not doing anything wrong. My DS wouldn’t sleep in the cot in the day until he was about 5 months I’m afraid.

Will she sleep in the pram? I used to stand in the hallway pushing the pram forwards and backwards. Also baby swing seat.

Feeding to sleep is definitely okay at that age.

There’s no easy answer, but you’re definitely not doing anything wrong.

My little boy is exactly the same. Everyone said to me it will get better once he is older . He is now nearly 6 months old and we still have problems. He will only nap on his own in the day for 30 minutes if he sleeps on me he can do up to 2 hours. We do sleep which I’m not bothered about as easy when breastfeeding but I know I’ve got to get him being more independent sleeping and finding it stressful
as family members are always commenting and saying I need to get him to sleep
on his own. Easter holidays have been hard as I also have a 3 year old so not ideal to have him sleeping on me x

Oh yes, I remember those days. Sympathies, OP.
It will get easier, but do you have a friend or relative that you would trust to sit with the baby and toddler so you could get a few hours sleep one afternoon?
Are you making all the shortcuts you can in other areas like shopping and cooking? Online shopping and ready meals?