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What I’ve learned about baby sleep in 11 months

14 replies

GinnyBee · 03/04/2023 07:47

Newborns are tiring in every way BUT they can (and apparently do this commonly) sleep really well and lull you into a false sense of security, thinking you’ve hit the jackpot with a unicorn sleeper. Then the 4 month regression knocks you off that high horse faster than you can say “he’s slept through since 7 weeks!”

When parents of older babies say theirs started sleeping better at 6 months except for illness or teething they really mean the baby slept well for around 8 nights between 6-12 months. But mostly they’re ill or teething.

Consider a floor bed, if you want the baby out of your bed (because let’s be honest, most parents cosleep for at least some of the first year). That way YOU can be in the BABY’S bed and that’s totally a different setup.

Everyone seems to have a different definition of sleeping through. Some consider it to be 7-7. Others will allow 6+ hours followed by a few wakes. And some consider babies to sleep through when they only wake to feed and go back to sleep straight after. With that last definition I guess mine has “slept through” since, idk, December, but I’ve not slept longer than 3 hours in one stretch since August. So take what you read online with a pinch of salt. Some parents with babies who sleep through may still be up 15 times a night!

When you find a schedule that works, after a few weeks of transitioning, it’s now time to tweak it again! Don’t get hung up on nap schedules, wake windows etc because your baby will grow out of it before you blink and need a new schedule again.

Every time you wonder what the hell you are doing wrong because the baby won’t sleep, the answer is NOTHING! Babies just don’t sleep and the sooner you accept you can’t fix it the sooner you stop wasting energy stressing about it.

OP posts:
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shutthewindownow · 03/04/2023 07:52

This is very true. So many post on here wondering why their babies won't sleep. None of them do. I don't know why people even expect babies to sleep at night ? Most of them just don't. All I can say is before you know it they are teens and you are having to drag them out of the bed that you once prayed to god they would stay In !

Katjolo · 03/04/2023 21:41

I needed to read this tonight. 100% agree OP.

romdowa · 03/04/2023 21:50

I feel this ! Even after 18 months, we still get lulled into that false sense of security when he sleeps well for a few nights and then it all goes to pot again. He's never slept well since we brought him home but stressing about it only makes it worse for us.

afternoonbiscuit · 14/04/2023 10:06

So agree!

For the first time my 22-week-old slept six hours in a go last week! Has it happened again: no. Going with the flow and not expecting any pattern to stick has been the best thing to keep me sane since he was born.

peonypurple · 14/04/2023 10:26

I have to disagree. My first baby from 8 weeks slept 7-7 and didn't wake. Ever. Even now he's the same. My second baby is following the same pattern and so far sleeps through.

Beginningless · 14/04/2023 10:28

peonypurple · 14/04/2023 10:26

I have to disagree. My first baby from 8 weeks slept 7-7 and didn't wake. Ever. Even now he's the same. My second baby is following the same pattern and so far sleeps through.

That’s great for you. I’m sure though you’ll realise from speaking to other parents that your situation is unusual?

ShirleyPhallus · 14/04/2023 10:31

peonypurple · 14/04/2023 10:26

I have to disagree. My first baby from 8 weeks slept 7-7 and didn't wake. Ever. Even now he's the same. My second baby is following the same pattern and so far sleeps through.

If he didn’t wake ever and is still asleep I suggest you might have a problem

MrsSamR · 14/04/2023 10:41

Beginningless · 14/04/2023 10:28

That’s great for you. I’m sure though you’ll realise from speaking to other parents that your situation is unusual?

My first baby was like this...my second not so much! Been tearing my hair out with what to do to get her to sleep better but after reading this post I'm going to assume it's normal and go with the flow! Sleep is for the weak anyway (I'll keep telling myself...)

CurlewKate · 14/04/2023 10:55

In my position as the ancient crone of Mumsnet, I say go for whatever gets the most sleep for the most people. Forget about bad habits, sleep associations-anything except getting sleep. In most cases, that means letting the baby have what she wants. Which is security and comfort and safety. Which means being close to, preferably touching, a parent. In the grand scheme of things, this is a very short time in your life. Go with it.

Judgyjudgy · 14/04/2023 11:03

Sorry I'll have to disagree. There really is a science to it, and the naps during the day and awake windows are really important for night sleep. Overtired or undertired can affect night sleep which is why you need to get it right if you do want that solid sleep at night. I was fascinated to learn about this. I do also believe some babies are naturally good or bad sleepers, but even with a bad sleeper you can maximise how "good" they can be. Routine is really important and sticking to it is key. Obviously I'm no expert, but I've observed this in my mum/baby friend group. The thing that I found most interesting with the sleep thing, was we all use different sleep consultants, but the routines and advice we all got was basically the same ... spoiler alert, it's not rocket science, there's quite a simple formula.

Morningcoffeeview · 14/04/2023 11:05

👏🏻

Beginningless · 14/04/2023 11:06

MrsSamR · 14/04/2023 10:41

My first baby was like this...my second not so much! Been tearing my hair out with what to do to get her to sleep better but after reading this post I'm going to assume it's normal and go with the flow! Sleep is for the weak anyway (I'll keep telling myself...)

It’s very hard to go with the exhausted flow, but at least you don’t use any more of your limited energy in being frustrated and unable to accept your lot. My first woke 5-6 times a night on average until she was 3! So second one had some gentle sleep training when she looked to be going the same way as I knew I couldn’t survive it again. I think from speaking to others I got the worse end of the spectrum but I find it so hard to imagine what parenting a baby would be like when you got sleep. No wonder some people say they enjoy it!!

VikingLady · 14/04/2023 11:38

When I read an in depth study on SIDS, it said babies wake frequently to protect themselves, that they are not meant to sleep deeply.

Plus, my DH is 47 now and still doesn't reliably sleep through. I cannot expect his baby to if he cannot. As an adult, I keep water by my bed. I listen to the radio. I don't expect myself to sleep alone in sensory deprivation!

Morningcoffeeview · 14/04/2023 11:45

VikingLady · 14/04/2023 11:38

When I read an in depth study on SIDS, it said babies wake frequently to protect themselves, that they are not meant to sleep deeply.

Plus, my DH is 47 now and still doesn't reliably sleep through. I cannot expect his baby to if he cannot. As an adult, I keep water by my bed. I listen to the radio. I don't expect myself to sleep alone in sensory deprivation!

Yup - we’re all striving for something that isn’t actually good for our children.

I think that’s why babies sleep better when they co-sleep. They rouse slightly, sense Mum is near and go off without any other input.

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