Nearly 10 year old has a hard time going to sleep any ideas

[Catsstillrock]

DD is almost 10 and has never found it way to go to sleep.

she’s a night owl, perks up in the evenings. Also a thinker and a worrier. But we’re in a phase where she finds it hard to go to sleep (she’s often awake until 10 or 10.30) and then tired when we wake her in school mornings (needs to be up 7.30ish).

sometimes at weekends we let her sleep in and she’ll sleep until 8.30 / 9am. So overall I think she’s not getting enough sleep.

but it’s hard to adjust things to get a better week day routine.

any ideas?

ive tried much earlier bedtime (eg in bed by 8.30 rather than her more usual 9.15ish) but that’s not a magic fix.

looking back there’s things I’d do differently in the baby / toddler years (with our second I had guidance around supporting them to settle themselves - so not cry it out but low intervention support / reassurance while they figure out what to do to settle themselves down to sleep).

did this with dc2 (though they’ve always been an easier sleeper) with dc1 it was always about the props rocking patting etc whcih became staying with her.

over time it has gradually evolved into audio books while she falls asleep (we definitely hit a point where someone staying with her kept her awake, unless we actually go to bed and fall asleep together).

i feel we missed a window where she learned to lie quietly and observe her thoughts and feelings. But also that it’s too late to recreate that now.

she shares her too with her younger sibling which maybe doesn’t help. She’d happily get into bed earlier and read if she had her own room.

ah my son is similar. It’s like he needs a good 30mins/1 hour of laying about to let his brain switch off.

what about trying some deep breathing and meditation during the day and trying to encourage her to use some of the same techniques at bedtime?

We bought Bath salts with magnesium in and that seemed to help our son (or maybe was a placebo).

Is there an adjustment that can be made to the room so she can have a reading light? Just thinking bunk beds with a little curtain or turning the younger siblings bed away so less light shines on. Reading til tired is good sleep hygiene.

Similar to the audio books idea, my daughter has trouble dropping off to sleep so she listens to stories on the calm app. She puts lovely softy satin eye mask on and then on of the calm stories. They are recited in perfect monotone and quite boring and she drops off in about 10mins every night,

I got this tip from Dr Maryhan Baker's podcast, How Not to Screw Up Your Kids. She suggests a debrief just before bedtime, not in the bedroom. So you ask them if they have any worries or concerns they'd like to share before going to bed; really helped my DS when he was having a tricky time at school in year 7 and anxiety was preventing him from dropping off.

Yes sometimes we do magnesium or valerian. But not lately, will get back to that.

and overall the routine has drifted too much. It used to be read / chat (which was a time to debrief on the day).

yes good idea to have a little light so she can read in her room.