Struggling with toddler bedtime

[Circe7]

My nearly three year old has always been very strong willed but while he was in a cot slept well and settled himself to sleep. Now he's in his own bed he gets up constantly, screams, wakes the baby up, throws stuff etc. If I stay in the room with him he gets even more hyper and climbs on me, kicks etc. He's very rarely been able to go to sleep with me in the room even when he was much younger and I can't always stay with him anyway as the baby is difficult to settle. He's dropped his nap and is probably more overtired than undertired.

I'm finding myself getting angry at bedtime, which probably isn't helping. I'm a single parent and the baby is also waking a lot at night. I really need the evenings to get stuff done and get some sleep myself plus if my toddler isn't in bed until 8.30 / 9 he is tired and grumpy the next day (he wakes about 6.30 regardless of bedtime).

We have a long bedtime routine with bath, books etc. When he gets up, I've been trying putting him back to bed with minimal interaction. After about 30 times of this tonight and him giggling and running in and out the room he did eventually stay in his room but started screaming / tantrumming. I eventually left him to it and he went to sleep after 10 mins or so but I feel pretty horrible about it (and it woke the baby up again). We've had a lot of nights like this and it doesn't seem to be getting any better. He's challenging in the day as well but mostly I can cope with that.

Any suggestions gratefully received.

I feel your pain. I also have a three year old and a 4 month old baby and I dread bedtimes because the 3yo often gets so hyper and just will not listen! I found it got worse after baby was born.

Some things that have worked for us (we still have the odd battle but generally he responds well to these)

Having a clock that clearly distinguishes between nightime and daytime - we have a Yoto but a gro clock or similar would work just as well. But we make a point of it being nighttime and therefore quiet time, and he can be back his hyper self when the sun is showing on the clock.

Letting him choose as much as possible, basically giving him control in a situation where he doesn't really have any e.g. letting him choose what book to read, how many books to read (i say one or two and he always picks two) letting him choose which PJs to wear etc

Timing things/turning things into a game - how quickly can you get your PJs on, I'll race you to the bathroom to brush teeth etc

Having one on one time at bedtime, obviously this is much harder if you're looking after both kiddos on your own, but one on one time seemed to help in our case so he wasnt battling for attention

Dont get me wrong, we still have challenging nights and I definitely still lose my rag everh now and again - you're not on your own!! But you never know, some of these things may help you as well!