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Breaking the breastfeeding/sleep association

43 replies

Birthdaysallround · 16/03/2023 06:31

My boy is 6 months and waking every 1-2 hours overnight. He is rarely fed to sleep at the beginning of the night but often is fed back to sleep throughout the night and I can't hack it anymore. I have a toddler as well. How could I tackle this? I assume he may still genuinely need a feed or two overnight.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Birthdaysallround · 20/03/2023 13:50

Sarahlouise86 · 19/03/2023 07:26

She is 5 months now.

I moved her into her own room on Thursday and started feeding her every three hours and if she woke before 3 hours I settled her and put her back down. First night she woke 5 times, second night I lost count at 7+times. Last night she woke up once 🤯 not sure if it's a fluke but I'm really hoping not.

I'll send you through the screen shots by message today. There's quite a few! Really hope it works for you too xx

Oh that sounds promising though re the one wake up! Fingers crossed for you it continues! Between feeds did you settle her and put her back down asleep?

OP posts:
fruitandfibreg · 20/03/2023 17:59

My DD was breastfed in the night and I didn't stop until she slept through at about 7 months. If she did wake up I'd still give her a feed. She decided to stop feeding at 10 months and I honestly didn't know what to do if she woke up- I'd cuddle her back or give a bottle if she really wouldn't but BF was always the quickest and most reliable!
I think they still need a feed at that age anyway

Srx1 · 21/03/2023 20:10

@Sarahlouise86 pleaseee can I have the screenshots too? 😬 my 4mo is going through the sleep regression but I always feed him to sleep and need to start breaking the association.. thank you!

Sarahlouise86 · 21/03/2023 20:45

@Moonshine160 @Srx1 happy to send the screenshots but cant seem to do it via private message. If you message me and I can send via email instead.

Sarahlouise86 · 21/03/2023 20:50

@Birthdaysallround yes between feeds I was settling her by rocking and then putting back down asleep. I figured I would try and phase out the feed first and then worry about the rocking 😂 she falls asleep so quickly so it's hard not too.

Last two nights she slept from 8pm-8am with only two wake ups. We've been on at least 5-6 wakeups for the past 2 months so I will take it!!

TheRookieMum · 24/03/2023 13:31

@Sarahlouise86, I'm so sorry for another request for these screenshots from a desperate FTM of a stubborn 6 month old who wants only boob every 40 to 60 minutes overnight and all but refuses to nap in his cot.

I walk him in his pram up to 3 hours a day in ALL weathers (snow, rain currently, hail, high winds) and am at breaking point after months of very broken sleep. Nothing I try works with this boy!!

TheRookieMum · 24/03/2023 13:32

@Moonshine160 just saying hi as I spotted your name here & recognised you from another, similar post a while back. Glad I'm not alone, but so sorry you're still troubled by a bad sleeper too!

Cherryblossoms85 · 24/03/2023 13:35

@LysHastighed has the best suggestions. Similar approaches worked well for me. Well, sort of, apart from with my last, who is four years old and still wants breastfeeding. Woops.

Moonshine160 · 24/03/2023 20:57

@TheRookieMum hi! The last couple of nights have been ever so slightly better but naps are horrific. I would love for more than 20 minutes at a time to get some stuff done around the house. I know I’ll miss the snuggles eventually but Jesus Christ… sending you coffee and solidarity! X

forreallife · 29/03/2023 12:22

Sleep is a total disaster here and wondered if anyone had any success with reducing feeds etc.? We need to change something but I'll confess I'm frightened of the tears that will come.

TheRookieMum · 08/04/2023 09:44

@Moonshine160 & others, I just wanted to share that we've had major success using a method called Stay & Support by Lucy Wolfe. We're 8 days in and there has been MASSIVE progress. Yes, there are still ups and downs but overall I would very, very highly recommend this method if you're ok with sleep training and unfortunately some crying. It's difficult to start with but the effort started paying off on night 1.

I'm sure this is not the end of our sleep problems, but this lady has a solution for everything up to 6 years and just explains things so simply.

forreallife · 08/04/2023 18:36

Hi @TheRookieMum that's great you're making progress! I've been trying to use this plan too but am not really doing it properly. For example and still feeding more than the book says too and haven't started on naps yet. Also I often e.g. cuddle in cot or sing to sleep rather than try and remove all input before baby falls asleep. What do you think has been the cause of most success for you? Are you still doing night feeds? It's the night wakes I find the hardest to deal with!

LostSleep · 08/04/2023 18:42

I found that not feeding if they have been fed within the last 4 hours, then leaving them 6 mins to try to settle by themselves. If they get very upset boob to calm. However I did find that DS2 basically shouts until he falls asleep and sounds horrific, but it is just part of his self settling process.

TheRookieMum · 08/04/2023 19:30

@forreallife, we went all in.

We prepped for a week reading the book, listening to the audio book (because who has time to read!), and I wore a comforter toy. We then moved DS out of our room & the next to me cot, into his own bedroom & cot on the same night we started the plan. New room = new rules.

The first night he cried hard for 50 minutes and it was awful. But then he slept better than before. So we continued with the method through the fewer than normal night wakes and for his 1st nap the next day. But I've continued to use his 2nd and 3rd nap as pram naps to make sure he doesn't fall too far behind the recommended daily sleep amount. The 2nd night he cried for 40 minutes, then 30 the next and we're now on 15 to 20 and a much, much less intense cry, more a mumbling moan or quiet play with the comforter now.

During the day, I still feed twice each awake session because I think he needs it, but not within 45 mins of the end of the awake session. I'm still doing night feeds too. I first pushed him to 3 hours rather than 4 because I knew he could do 2+ during the day based on his napping. So I was more comfy doing this than the suggested 4 hours straight away. But then one night he slept through till 3.5 hours so from then I said I'd feed only every 3.5 hours, and again one night he slept longer so now we're on 4 hourly feeds, or less as requested. I do unlatch him, which I find very difficult to time correctly but have managed so far, somehow and he generally goes back to sleep even faster than bedtime, naps or other wakes.

I say all this and we're only on day 8 so it's still a work in progress with some nights better than others, but I was keen to share because sleep is so damn precious to everyone. I would suggest going all in too if you're all ready.

Moonshine160 · 10/04/2023 09:53

@TheRookieMum thanks I’ll have a look at this! I actually have Lucy Wolfe’s book from DC1, I should have thought to have dug the book out sooner. Glad things are improving for you. We randomly had two much better nights with him with only one wake up, didn’t do anything differently, he now has a cold and the last two nights have been shit again with hourly wakes from midnight.

Rosieoconnor · 10/04/2023 10:44

@Sarahlouise86 I know you've had multiple requests so I understand if you don't want to share the screenshots but I'd really appreciate them. I've also got a 9 month old still feeding lots through the night to get back to sleep! Feeling very very very tired. I am trying to unlatch and use the comforter / pat to sleep but it's so hard to know if I'm doing the right thing. Sometimes he gets really upset so I'm questioning maybe he is hungry?!? But then his weaned and eats very well in the day, also breastfeeds 4x a day.

TheRookieMum · 10/04/2023 15:40

@Moonshine160 I can't believe you've not dug that book out already, I can't imagine putting it away at the moment! Glad you've had some improvement though, anything is better than every 40 minutes!!

TheRookieMum · 10/04/2023 15:45

@Rosieoconnor I can't stress enough, check out the Lucy Wolfe book on Audible or hard copy. She just has so many tricks that you can cherry pick from, or go whole hog and it's working so well for me. I was feeding my 6mo to sleep every 40 minutes, no exaggeration, but we've now had 3 nights with just 1 wake for a feed. Naps took a hit yesterday & I unlatched too early last night, but even then, 1 wake up is miles better than where we were & my DS is benefitting from it.

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