Breaking the breastfeeding/sleep association

Birthdaysallround · 2023-03-16T06:31:30+00:00

My boy is 6 months and waking every 1-2 hours overnight. He is rarely fed to sleep at the beginning of the night but often is fed back to sleep throughout the night and I can't hack it anymore. I have a toddler as well. How could I tackle this? I assume he may still genuinely need a feed or two overnight.

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

redavocado · 16/03/2023 06:41

I think DD still had one night feed until about 8-9 months but we managed to break the cycle of me feeding her back to sleep by DH always checking on her/putting her back down when she woke in the night. Milk just wasn't an option and she quickly started sleeping through instead.

Good luck!

AnotherCountryMummy · 16/03/2023 07:08

Same as PP - Daddy checking. No boobs so feeding not an option 🙂 Good luck!

Original poster

Birthdaysallround · 16/03/2023 07:42

How did you decide when to feed instead of sending DH in for the remaining feed?

OP posts:

forreallife · 16/03/2023 08:00

This is basically my life at the moment so interested too! He can't be hungry 10 times a night! 😭

LysHastighed · 16/03/2023 08:29

Unlatch as the baby starts drifting off (start this at some point when you aren’t stressed about the baby going back to sleep) so that they learn to fall asleep with an empty mouth. Bring the unlatching further forward gradually so that you take them off as soon as they start to slow down. Next step is doing the last feed outside the bedroom, somewhere with light and noise, and just cuddling to sleep (great if other parent can help here). Then you can consider the gradual retreat if you want to work on the sleep.

GlitteryGreen · 16/03/2023 08:31

Omg OP, this is my life too. Baby up ever hour 😭 She's 6 months too.

LysHastighed · 16/03/2023 08:32

For night weaning, you could have the other parent offer water every other time, that way any hunger will be addressed. As weaning progresses you can add snacks such as a yogurt before bed to reduce hunger.

VeryLowTum · 16/03/2023 08:38

Honestly I wouldn't bother. Night weaning didn't reduce wake-ups with either of my older DC and feeding back to sleep is fast and effective. Youngest is a similar age and waking a similar amount but in my experience it's a lot more painful to have to try other methods for getting to sleep during the night!

Sarahlouise86 · 16/03/2023 08:51

I have a 5 month old and in the same position. Last night was the last straw, I've got to do something as I'm back to work at the end of April.

So this morning I've moved her out of my bedroom and in to hers. She is such a light sleeper so I wake her up when I go to bed. As of last night my husband is doing bath and bed and instead of boobs she is having a bottle of expressed milk (might start to put a little bit of formula in there as well). For the first time she slept 4 hours for her first stint instead of 2!

But she was still up regularly during the night. I'm going to start introducing a comforter today so she can have it when she's 6 months as that did wonders for her brother. I'm also going to start trying to settle her when she wakes up and not just automatically feed. She really isn't a fan of my husband at night so I think I'll have to wait a while until he can help there.

If anyone else has tips I'll try those as well 😂 anything for some sleep. She was such a good sleeper before the 4 month regression, I should have appreciated it more!

Original poster

Birthdaysallround · 16/03/2023 11:37

He will sometimes settle without a feed and just a cuddle, but is laid back down asleep so presume same difference in terms of him then waking again 1-2 hours later upset?

OP posts:

kernowpicklepie · 16/03/2023 11:42

My DD had nightly feeds until she was 12 months. She varies at different ages of hourly during bad times and then 2-4 hours for good periods. She needed the milk and the comfort of breastfeeding.
It was tough but she definitely needed it.
I know it's not advice but a lot of them do need feeds overnight at 6 months

Original poster

Birthdaysallround · 16/03/2023 11:52

I didn't stop night feeds with my elder daughter until she was around 16 months and I'm happy to continue feeding overnight as he's so little but I just cannot function on such broken sleep while also having two small children to look after the next day so really looking for tips of how to replace that comfort when he doesn't need the feed to encourage some longer stretches

OP posts:

kernowpicklepie · 16/03/2023 15:41

Only thing that could work then is to send dad in to comfort him if he definitely doesn't want a feed.
I am with you on the tiredness, I have a 19 month old and an 11 week old and know how hard it is x

Sarahlouise86 · 16/03/2023 17:08

Birthdaysallround · 16/03/2023 11:52

I didn't stop night feeds with my elder daughter until she was around 16 months and I'm happy to continue feeding overnight as he's so little but I just cannot function on such broken sleep while also having two small children to look after the next day so really looking for tips of how to replace that comfort when he doesn't need the feed to encourage some longer stretches

I did a sleep course with my DS and I've just dug it out to see how to settle without feeding. He sleeps like a dream and has done since 7 months so it did work, he was bottle fed though so it was relatively easy to do.

The gentlest method is building in a new sleep association, so gradually replacing feeding with a comforter, patting, shushing, etc whatever your chosen comfort is. So over the course of at least a few days, when the baby is feeding, start adding in the new association at the same time. Once you feel like this has started to work, unlatch baby before the full feed is finished and settle them with the new method. Obviously will take some practice! From memory I think it took 2-3 weeks with my son before it stuck (I introduced a comforter). Depending on how long they resettle for you may then still give 1 or 2 feeds a night or whatever you think they need.

I'm going to go through the full course over the next couple of days. If you want any screen shots just let me know and I'll message you them.

There are other methods but these do involve some crying so it depends on what you want to do. Personally I'm going to start with the above and give it a few weeks to see if it helps.

Original poster

Birthdaysallround · 16/03/2023 17:25

@Sarahlouise86 that's so kind of you, thanks very much! I have a comforter so will start to incorporate that into feeds, and also if my husband picks him up for a cuddle to resettle in the night. I'm thinking maybe I set timescales for feeds ie if less than 3 hours, my husband settles, if more, and he doesn't settle with my husband, I feed.

OP posts:

Sarahlouise86 · 16/03/2023 17:37

No problem, I hope it helps.

Yea that's what I'm going to try and do as well. I know she can easily go 3 hours in the day between feeds so that seems like something sensible to aim for at night and hopefully build it up from there. She's not hungry when she wakes up in the morning so she's obviously feeding too much in the night.

Good luck 🤞

Sarahlouise86 · 19/03/2023 07:04

@Birthdaysallround how are things going? Having any luck? X

Original poster

Birthdaysallround · 19/03/2023 07:11

@Sarahlouise86 we are away this weekend so planning on starting properly from next week. How about you? How old is your little one?

OP posts:

Sarahlouise86 · 19/03/2023 07:26

She is 5 months now.

I moved her into her own room on Thursday and started feeding her every three hours and if she woke before 3 hours I settled her and put her back down. First night she woke 5 times, second night I lost count at 7+times. Last night she woke up once 🤯 not sure if it's a fluke but I'm really hoping not.

I'll send you through the screen shots by message today. There's quite a few! Really hope it works for you too xx

forreallife · 19/03/2023 15:37

@Sarahlouise86 this is interesting! How are you settling without the feed? Is it ok to rock to sleep instead?

Sarahlouise86 · 19/03/2023 18:55

@Birthdaysallround I'm rocking her in the night when she wakes up. I'm phasing in patting and shushing as well but I haven't tried doing just those at night yet as I didn't want to try to many things at once. I did try not to rock her for a nap today and I was able to just pat and shush her when she was in her cot but I don't think it would work overnight just yet.

I honestly don't know if it's coincidence she's managed to sleep that long or if stopping feeding so often has done the trick 🤷‍♀️ I guess we'll see tonight. She's generally an easy going baby so I was hoping it wouldn't be too much of a battle but didn't think it would only take 2 nights otherwise I would have tried sooner!

Sarahlouise86 · 19/03/2023 18:55

Sorry @forreallife just saw you asked the question! Answer above 😊

Lcb123 · 19/03/2023 19:00

own room and other parent does night wakes if possible so BF not an option

Flittingaboutagain · 19/03/2023 19:04

If you have a toddler you'll remember this is just a phase and although it is so hard, it won't last. My now 19m old only wakes once or twice in the night and doesn't generally ask for milk. But 6-9m was so hard with hourly wakes and wanting milk each time. I haven't done anything, she has just broken the association as you put it herself.

Moonshine160 · 20/03/2023 13:22

@Sarahlouise86 hi. Sorry to sound cheeky but I wondered if you could possibly send me the screenshots you refer to above?
I am in a similar situation with my 6 month old. He can do a 3 hour stretch at the start of the night then is awake hourly and has to be fed back to sleep every time. Sometimes he won’t even go back in his crib afterwards and I have to hold him until morning and I doze off, which I know is dangerous but I don’t know what I can do to get more sleep!
He can go 3-4 hours between feeds in the day. I think he still needs 1-2 feeds per night but definitely not hourly. The exhaustion is causing me so much anxiety