Sleep training advice - gradual retreat

[amyandezra]

My 9 month old has never slept through the night. We’re at our worst now, he wakes every 30 minutes if in the cot, so we have resorted to co sleeping for our sanity. We’ve been doing this for months now, but it’s got to the point that he won’t settle even in our bed now. I spend the night constantly being kicked or pinched so for me, there’s no benefit anymore.

It’s driving me mad and I need to do something. He is a very sensitive boy and goes from 0 - 100 in terms of crying in the space of a few seconds. The CIO method won’t work as he will just become hysterical. I can’t put him through that, but I need to do something. I’ve been recommended the gradual retreat; which I’m willing to try but can’t see it working.

Please can anyone shed some hope if you’ve been in a similar situation?

No judgments on sleep training, co sleeping, or any negativity please.

Thank you

I should add he has always been rocked/held to sleep.

Gradual retreat can work well. You need to try not to say it won't work before you've tried.

I used it with my youngest. Trying with naps first can work well. It helps with getting them into a routine and you have more energy in the day to do it.

If you can sort the daytime that can help with the night.

Didn’t work at all for us, they never learned to fall asleep on their own and when they stirred overnight they couldn’t put themselves back to sleep without someone sat in the room. What did work was controlled crying. You don’t know until you try it though.

My DS1 was very like that - totally hysterical when I tried CIO (I was totally desperate for sleep at the time!) and got nowhere. I tried gradual retreat at about 14 months and it was very slow and still involved a huge amount of crying at each tiny step. It took several weeks for each step to be accepted. His sleep did improve after about 5 months of gradual retreat but who knows if he would have got there by then anyway. I regret trying for so long now, because of how much crying was involved but I really was on my last legs.

I would suggest trying it but accepting that it just doesn't work for some babies. A previous replier suggested trying it for naps first - there's no way that would have worked for day time naps for my DS! Bed time was definitely the best time for trying it for me.

Gradual retreat didn't work for me AT ALL. In fact it caused more crying than controlled crying! Nor did spending 2 weeks sleeping on my child's floor. Nor did cosleeping. Controlled crying did work.
Gradual retreat worked for my friend so why not give it a go? You have other options if it doesn't work.

Gradual retreat worked like magic at 7 months for us. We went from 12 wakeups per night to one or none.

We did gradual retreat with ds1. It was a slow process but worked! We went from him waking up every 1-2 hours to him sleeping 12 hours.

He was also breastfed and we gradually increased the time between feeds at the same time.

We were recommended the book 'teach your child to sleep' by the millpond clinic by our health visitor. Best book on sleep we ever bought!!

I'm doing a version of gradual retreat with my son and have had very little crying. I think what helped was spending about 3 weeks building in new sleep associations before removing the one I didn't want (feeding/holding for me, rocking for you), so that it wasn't a cold turkey situation.

It's not perfect - we've gone from 6 wakes/night to 3, which is still quite a lot at 9 months. He's not going to sleep fully independently yet- needs me next to his cot - but it is so much better than just a few weeks ago!

I wrote about the new sleep associations here a few days ago:
www.mumsnet.com/talk/sleep/4757734-help-me-be-strong-through-the-night?reply=124451858&utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

Controlled crying for me- leave him for 1min come back in and lay them back down, say sssh- don’t pick them up- then leave him for 2 mins- same routine- then 5 mins, 7mins, 10mins, 10mins, 10mins- keep going. Works - eventually, may have a crap night, week, but works.

Also how many naps/ how long