2yo won’t sleep in her bed

[Twitchett22]

My 2 year old has been getting in my bed during the night for around a year now, I started letting her due to me and her dad separating and us moving house and there being lots of change for her. Then when I tried to put her back in her bed during the night she just screamed until she was back in my bed. I’m a single mum of 2 and to be quite honest I needed the sleep so I let it happen.
Anyway long story short these last few weeks have started off with her throwing major major tantrums at bedtime, 2 hours sometimes of her screaming and kicking. But eventually she would sleep in her bed with me holding her hand.
This last week she won’t even get in her bed. Even if she’s not tantruming she just says ‘no mummy’s bed’ and walks to my room. I’ve tried talking to her, I’ve tried leaving her crying, I just don’t know what to do. Inevitably she ends up in my bed because I lose the will and she’s keeping my other child awake.
She has a good bedtime routine, bath, story, bed. Nothing has changed in that respect. She’s in a toddler bed and I’m considering getting her a big single bed so she feels like she’s in a ‘real’ bed but other than that I’m out of ideas.
It’s so draining particularly as a single parent.

Just have to stomach the cries I'm afraid. She'll settle after a few days. If it feels like it's never ending but eventually it ends. They have to sleep at some point.

Is there any particular reason you don’t want her in the bed, does she stop you sleeping etc?

I think at this age they just want to feel safe with their mum. It’s completely normal, just very annoying when they kick (have just been woken up by a kicking 2 year old myself).

I grew up in a home where dcs slept in their own beds.

So when ds was young that's the narrative I got all the time.

I'm a LP. Ds is alway here.

At some point he started waking up in the night & I would bring him into my bed to settle him so I got some sleep, that developed into him getting in bed with me in the night. He's slept in with me loads. He feels safe & settled.

My dm and dsis went on and on about it being such a problem. It really hasn't been & is a lovely bonus to wake up & have a snuggle.

I'd say do what works for you op x

I could have written your exact post OP. I'm not a single parent but got myself into the same situation of 2yo ds sleeping in my bed because dh works nights most of the time and I needed the sleep.
I honestly have no answers, I've tried it all, night light, new cuddly toys for his bed, special stories he only gets in his bed and nothing works. Ds will scream and cry until he's sick if I try to get him into his bed. He also won't go to sleep unless I'm there which sometimes takes an hour or so then I have to creep back into my bed later on.
I did a few nights of putting him into his bed and waiting til he was asleep but he'd wake after 20 minutes and come running out, I sat outside his door and repeatedly put him back into his bed but broke after 3 nights of it taking til almost 3am.
Do you get a decent sleep with dc in your bed? We did for a while but he wakes me constantly kicking and moving around so I'm at breaking point again and surviving on hardly any sleep.
Sending you solidarity and hoping someone has the answer!

I didn’t mind her getting in my bed so much during the night because she at least started off in her bed. I didn’t want her to get into the routine of not even starting in her bed. I have got a new partner so when he stays he ends up on the sofa most nights when she gets in our bed because she spreads out so much. He doesn’t mind and I don’t want her to feel like I’m stopping her because of him but it’s not ideal.
Last night she tantrumed so much because she wanted to get in my bed not hers. I did the rapid return, I left her crying upstairs, nothing worked and I just gave in and let her sleep in my bed. I lifted her back to her bed when I went to bed and she stayed there for about 3 hours then got in my bed and went straight to sleep which I don’t mind. Then she woke up at 4am crying, I tried to shush her to settle her back off and then she asked to watch something on my phone. Obviously I said no, then she screamed in temper for an hour. Non stop. Nothing I could do would stop her. Night time tantrums are becoming quite regular and long and I’m losing the will with it.
My first child was an angel when it came to sleeping, I’m very unprepared for all of this 😅

I am probably going to go against the grain here but all three of mine ended up in my bed at some point. The oldest two stopped coming through themselves but the youngest basically slept in our bed for 5 years! Partly because one of the older ones was a bad sleeper so didnt want to wake them and partly because it was easier! We used to let the youngest fall asleep in our bed, move them through and then they would wake anytime after 1am and come through to our bed. It was easier to let them sleep in our bed. They eventually stopped themselves.

Hi op, I would've thought she is just unsettled with all her life changes and that's why she needs extra security and to sleep with you. I'm sure it won't be forever?

The tantrum at 4am when she wakes in your bed and not going back to sleep does make me wonder if she is still napping? If so do you think she could just be not very tired any more?

she has been through a lot of change which is why I was happy for her to be in my bed initially. Her naps are inconsistent. Some days I just can’t get her to nap no matter what. I’ve tried to keep track of when she naps and if it makes a difference to the tantrums at night but I can’t really work out a pattern.
has anyone got any tips to stop the tantrums once they’re in full swing? I know she’s so emotional that she’s not hearing me so I can’t talk to her to calm her down. I’ve tried cuddling her quite firmly which she resists against, I’ve tried ignoring it but that seems to make her worse. Have I just got to ride this out? Feeling bad on my other child and my neighbours 🤦🏻‍♀️

My 6 year old is back in my bed. It doesn't bother me. It won't be forever and few adults like to sleep alone so I'm not sure why we expect babies and young people to want to.

Do you get her a single cant you can in bed with her until she is a sleep? Is she liable to wake much in the night?

Not sure how to stop the tantrums. I'm a novice to them myself! I've found all I can do is be present and reassuring so far. But not sure if that is best? It's awful when they're so upset they just don't hear what you're saying isn't it?

I expect your daughter is just quite dysregulated in terms of sleep and bedtime issues if she's dropping her nap? On different nights she's probably hysterical because overtired or playing up because undertired and frustrated. I imagine it will settle when she's completely dropped it. My ds's sleep was awful when he was having some one nap and some two nap days. It calmed when he was firmly on one nap and going to bed at a similar time each day.

We're only a few months off where you are with naps I think and I'm dreading it!

See, I absolutely hate having my kids in bed with me. I would and have just returned them to their beds in complete silence over and over and over again, even 25 times a night at first. We use the gro clock and she knows not to leave the room now until the clock is yellow. It works 90% of the time but she knows she won't be sleeping in my bed.

I sit on my DC1s bed when he goes to sleep, when he was younger he often walked in whereas now he's 4 and only walks in if his feet are freezing and for a cuddle at around 06:30/7am when he wakes x

Yeah I’m gonna get her a proper single bed and see if it helps. Typically tonight she’s gone straight to sleep in her bed 😂 she hasn’t napped today so I’ve put her to bed earlier than normal to try and prevent overtiredness and gave her a cup of milk beforehand and she was straight off. Probably a fluke but I’ll take it tonight 😂

I think as you’ve said no and then given in a few times you’ve unfortunately given her the message that she can break you. If you say no you need to really mean it and stick to it when they’re that age or they’ll find it confusing.

The easiest solution I wish I’d done is put a double bed in her room (if it fits) and lie next to her until she’s asleep. At least she’s in her own bed. I didn’t do this, instead I just kept letting her sleep in my bed thinking it won’t last forever. That plan is not working out so well for me six years later!!