Cosleepers - what do you do in the evenings?

[GlitteryGreen]

I am a reluctant cosleeper with a 5 month old who wakes as soon as she is put down unless I'm laying next to her and she can squeeze right up to me.

I'm just wondering what those who cosleep do in the evenings??? Ever since I started I have been stuck holding her while she sleeps from about 7.30pm each night...does this happen to everybody?! Or does everyone just go to bed with the baby at 7.30?!

I am planning on doing a bit of gentle cot training once she gets to 6 months but I'm just wondering how everyone copes with a baby that just won't be put down to sleep during the evening hours as opposed to the nights.

I think at that age I would sit downstairs with my DD until I was ready to go to bed then I'd pass her over to DH so I could get ready then we'd both go up to bed, she'd usually stir at that point and I'd feed her back to sleep whilst lying on my side.

By 8 months I was going to bed at the same time as her so she could get used to falling asleep next to me rather than on me (still fed to sleep) then at around 10 months I started putting her in her cot for the first stretch of sleep. For this I'd feed her to sleep then transfer her, then bring her into bed at the first wake. The first night she did half an hour but it pretty quickly extended to 1-2 hours.

She's 19mo now and we still do the same routine, most nights she's sleeping 4 hours at the start of the night. I keep considering night weaning to see if it'll reduce night wake-ups but I'm worried if it doesn't I'll have to actually be standing up bouncing her to get her back to sleep so feeding through the night feels like the easier option right now.

Sleep or be on my phone or listen to audiobook or podcast.
Cot trained at 5 months and he started sleeping through. He's almost 10 months and does 7ish to 6:30ish every night in his cot. I could have never done the whole co-sleeping long term. Firstly I have two other children and secondly I need to be able to spend time with my husband & go out with my friends every now and then. This is my happy balance.

@Mamoun would you mind sharing how you cot trained please?...I am attempting this now and would be helpful to get any tips!

I was lucky in that all (except one) of mine were always equally happy to be held by myself or their dad, so we could pass them between us as needed to do chores or work or whatever. But basically we would just have them downstairs with us, cuddling while they slept, and then take them up when we went to bed.

I did gradual retreat.
There was a bit of crying involved but not traumatic. My starting point was to get him to fall asleep in his cot with me patting / shushing, singing... then I saw that he was more relaxed I gradually did less and less to a point that I now put him in his cot and leave the room.
It took a long time (depends on the age of your child probably) but it probably took a month and I didn't give up. It took a huge amount of perseverance but I knew this was what I needed.
He got sick in the process so I abandoned and let him sleep on me but as soon as he was better we started again and he hadn't forgotten the previous self settling skills. Initially naps were short and in the night I'd take him with me but I made sure that everyday he slept at least a nap and the beginning of the night in his cot.
Now I have a bit of a reverse problem in the sense that he will only sleep in his cot (since I stopped breastfeeding a couple of weeks ago!).

Following with interest! My 6m old sleeps on my knee until we go to bed as pp has described currently, but I am keen to get him into his own sleep space soon. Any tips appreciated!

@Santaslittlehelper83
Just explained in the post above.

Would add that I mix the retreat method with pick up put down.

Thanks Mamoun, I think I will give your method a try in a couple of weeks. I just keep putting it off because I know it's going to be hard and I'll be up even more than I am now 🙈 But I'm really hoping being in her own space will improve her sleep as we must disturb her.

As much as it's sweet to hold her while she's sleeping, she will only sleep on me (after a feed or rocking), in her pram or in the car so I literally have no free time at all to do anything and I have to manage showers, washing, cleaning etc when she's awake, which isn't easy as she has limited patience for being in her bouncer.

@EdithGrantham Getting her used to falling asleep next to me rather than on me could be a good idea , she does sometimes resettle that way during the night but I've never tried from scratch

Good luck and don't give up. Your baby can do it.
I come from a culture where virtually all babies sleep in their cot from 6 months ish so there is no reason your baby cannot do it.

Mine will only stay asleep if we put her down on her side....initially this was co sleeping still in contact with my body. I would then shuffle away and ease her onto her back when she was in a deep sleep. Might be worth a try. Now she can roll I leave her on her side. She will now have naps and the first stretch of the night in the next to me crib, but ends up with me after first night feed.

This is the same for me @Santaslittlehelper83 , if I put her on her side she seems to stay asleep, but I always roll her onto her back due to guidance and she wakes up immediately or shortly after 😭
She is starting to roll now but not confidently from front to back yet.

@GlitteryGreen God it feels good to read someone in the same position. My DD is 4 months and will only sleep next to me scooped up in one of my arms. She has slept in her Next to Me before but is fiercely protesting at the mo. Like you - I need to be brave a persevere. In answer to your original question I go to bed with her about 8 to feed and watch tele with subtitles on before OH comes up. I do miss having a bit of an evening though. Day is exactly the same as you. Won’t nap alone. Always contact- pram or car. I’ve just finished cleaning whilst moving the bouncer from room to room - let’s hope they can do it - I’ll be brave if you are 😂xx

I just go to bed with mine: I’d love if he’d sleep downstairs while watched tv and then I took him up after the first wake-up, but he has other ideas and screams unless he’s in a dark room and pyjamas by 6pm. Thankfully he’s as happy with DH next to him as me, so once DH has done bedtime for our eldest he comes through and hangs out with DS while I eat, get ready for bed, etc.

I’ve found I can sling a leg over DS or have him nestled next to me while I’m sitting up, so I read or sew or play games or write or faff on MN.

On good nights he’ll stay in the next to me crib, but by 5am he’s in my arms. On bad nights he’ll need me lying down with him from the start - if he’s ill, after vaccinations, etc.

When he hits six months I’ll make moves to retreat/try to leave the room but since until then he’s meant to have someone in the room with him, and I’m happy because I get fed, washed and have reading time every night without having to do the dishwasher etc, I’ll stick with going to bed early. It doesn’t last forever.