Help me be strong through the night!

[Monstermoomin]

We're trying to move my 6mo into her own room. She's never slept well, unless it is on me. She was ill for around 5/6 weeks when she was 4-5 months old and this messed up some slight progress we had been having in our room in the next to me crib (I'd had some 1.5-2 hr stretches on some occasions).

I gave up the other night and brought her back into our room because every time I put her in the cot she wakes up screaming.

I want to preserve as I do really need to ensure she's safe sleeping which in our room wasn't happening as I'd fall asleep with her on me after feeding.

So far tonight in a 3.5 hour period, I have got her in the cot for 40 minutes (woop) and 8 minutes. In between that I have fed her 5 times (she does it for comfort) and she's fallen asleep on me every time and even twice without feeding. I have tried to transfer her about 6-8 times unsuccessfully in that time frame too.

I'm trying not to give up again, but I also need to sleep and not sure what to do. I don't want to leave her to cry, because I don't think she's old enough, she will likely wake her sister, and she does not calm down, she gets hysterical.

Anyone going through similar?

Have you considered a floor bed so she falls asleep next to you and you creep away?

Feed laying down on your side and Co sleep?

@LGBirmingham that is my back up plan if the whole trying to get in the cot keeps failing but that won't be practical when I'm back at work as I do shifts and won't sometimes be back till 11pm-12am.

@Coffeeandcrocs I can't cosleep in my bed (I've also never mastered lying down feeding just find it hurts).

@Monstermoomin why will it not be practical when your back at work? Presumably whoever is putting her to bed lies next to her until she falls asleep then creeps away? Job's a good un'?

@LGBirmingham because I have another child too so my husband won't be able to spend all evening on a floor bed getting her to sleep.

My DS was very similar. He's nearly 9months now. What we did was to "sidecar" his cot to a low sofabed in his room. Started by fully co-sleeping on the sofabed, then gradually shifted to him in the cot and me on the sofabed. Now he will often sleep in the cot with me only going in for night wakes.

For the falling asleep on me issue, we added a comforter as a new sleep association, and for about 3 weeks I would hold him on the bed in my arms then gradually lay him down/lie next to him still latched to get him used to falling asleep on the bed surface. Then I moved the bedtime feed to before his bath and just did the lying next to him with dummy and comforter. Because of all the prep work he accepted that and now falls asleep without a feed at bedtime and naps.

Because he's more comfortable in the cot, he also wakes less at night and will sometimes go back to sleep without a feed - even refuses a feed at night if he's not hungry!

It's not perfect - he still wakes at night and gets clingier if he's teething, but at least even when he needs to co-sleep he's still in his own bed in his own room!

What about those cots that attach to the side of your bed? Look for a second hand one maybe

@FrizzledFrazzle I did that with my eldest, had a single bed pushed up to the low setting of her cot bed so I could try to move her across but hold her arms (she scratched due to eczema) but we've moved house and might not be enough room in this bedroom.

It is something I'll have to look at (or a floor bed) if this doesn't work over the next few weeks (as I think by then she'll have outgrown her next to me and I won't be able to go back into my own bedroom with her for some of the night).

How did you do the comforter?

@Quitelikeit we've got a next to me crib already but she'll be too big for it probably by the end of this month and we can't get a bigger one in our room due to the space

@Monstermoomin for the comforter, I used a technique called habit stacking - basically you add a new sleep association and once it's established remove the one you don't want any more. I started by sleeping with it in bed with me for a night so it smelled of me. I also play with it with him and let him see me holding and cuddling it. Then every time I was feeding him to sleep, I would lay it across my chest. If he started playing with my clothes, I'd place his hand on the comforter instead.

As I started laying him down on the bed surface to sleep, I'd move the comforter with him and place it alongside him. He quite often turns to lie on his side, so would end up cuddling it. If I want him to nap in the pram (he's good at this), I take the comforter and put it next to him to build the association between it and sleep. We'd been doing that for about 3 weeks by the time I removed feeding to sleep at bedtime.

Now, I get it out when I read his bedtime stories, put it on his lap for the story, and put him in the cot with it. He tends to play with it a little as he settles down, but still also likes to play with buttons/zips on my clothes if they are available.

Disclosure: he does also have a dummy, which I also give him as a sleep cue, but he's had this since he was little. He isn't wildly into it any more, but he does still use so it's not just the comforter that he goes to sleep with!

Which Next To Me cot do you have? Is she very tall?

Why can't you safely bed share?

@FrizzledFrazzle that's an interesting technique I'll have to look into trying it. I think I've avoided comforters as I got paranoid she'd drape it over her face (she's done that awake and not moved it off herself).

@user40643 it's a snuzpod one. I'm not sure how long she is but some of her 6-9 month babygrows are getting too short and she's only just turned 6m a week ago. We can't bedshare as we've got a very squishy memory foam mattress and she rolls.