8 month old sleeping horrendously

[Dinkleberg]

At end of tether with DSs sleep!

DS is 8 months and has never been a brilliant sleeper, never gone longer than 3 hours in one stretch. However recently his sleep has deteriorated to the point where I'm utterly exhausted and in tears most nights. He is combi fed, mostly FF in the day but BF first thing in the morning, before bed, and at night as well as 3 meals a day. He eats well.

He wakes AT LEAST 5/6 times a night, sometimes every 20 minutes. Sometimes he'll drop back off just being shush patted or rocked, but other times he screams until he's fed or will stay awake for at least 30 minutes - hour just chatting and smiling away.

I do have a partner who helps out, but he has to be up at 5am for work so I don't like to ask him unless I'm desperate (we sleep in separate rooms because he snores). I went back to work myself last week so I'm utterly exhausted. I admit a few times I've gotten really cross with DS when he's woken for the zillionth time and had to leave him in his cot to cry whilst I took a breather. I feel bad for getting so angry but I just wish he'd bloody sleep. I'm not even expecting him to sleep all the way through, just not waking near constantly.

I should say we've tried filling him with food before bed, giving him a bottle of formula before bed, giving him formula instead of BFing when he wakes at night, giving Calpol and teething gel, made the room cooler and warmer etc and none have made any difference. He's been quite whingy in the day too so I'm sure he's exhausted. He's quite close to crawling so don't know if he's frustrated?

Any ideas/commiserations?

The thing that stands out to me here is not your baby's sleep (which although rubbish is in the range of normal), but that you are both working and doing all the night yourself.

If you shared the nights, then you'd be a lot less tired and it would feel more manageable.

Put it the other way round, would you let him be woken 6+ times a night, with a few hours of broken sleep, every night, so you could have the luxury of 7 straight hours, and then a day of work, just because you get up early? I bet you wouldn't expect that of him...

We shared irrespective of maternity/paternity/shared leave, because try people that are a bit tired is better than one person who is basically broken.

You've got a partner problem not a baby problem.

I found giving them their main 'dinner,' meal at lunchtime worked better for sleep than having a smaller meal evening time.
Try formula feeding at night instead?
Then you can start changing that over time. They don't wake up for water as the saying goes.
He could be waking, then he's rewarded with the boob. Whereas if it was a bottle that might change that dynamic. Just a suggestion.
It's not easy going though what you are going through so hang in there.

@Babyboomtastic He does help at night. He is genuinely an incredibly heavy sleeper so if I need help I have to wake him as he easily sleeps through DS crying. But if I ask he will help, for example last night he took him and stayed up with him for 2 hours from 2am - 4am whilst I slept. He also takes both kids (we also have a 4 year old) in the morning whilst I have a lie in on weekends. So it's not that he doesn't help, it's that I don't like asking him for help as he has to be up early (I don't start work until 10am) so won't unless I'm on my knees. Maybe that's my fault and I need to ask more.

@Felicity42 you may have missed it in my post but we tried FFing at night. It made no difference but we only tried it for 3 nights so maybe it needs longer.

Following because I don’t have any tips but am in a similar boat with my 10 month old so will take any help I can get! She actually used to sleep well but I’ve just finished chemo and have been bringing constant colds into the house, and it seems that, plus teeth, has just f-ed up her sleep entirely and she’s up all night now even when she’s not ill. I feel like I’ve tried everything bar leaving her to cry, which I can’t do. DH and I share the wake ups but I’m just so knackered and broken and I’ve also gotten angry and tearful at night, which I hate. I can’t have any more children now but even if I could I don’t think I could ever do this again 😩

So no help here but a boatload of sympathy 😩

Yes you need to ask more, but equally he shouldn't need to be asked. It very much sounds like you've accepted being the default parent and him 'helping'.

Is he home/finishing work earlier than you? If so, does he deal with all cooking, bedtimes etc?

When I had my first, I was the heavier sleeper, and I had to train my body to wake up and respond faster because obviously it wasn't fair for me to just leave my husband to it. The fact that he's two kids in, and still not waking, shows me that he's never really had to do it. Him being a heavy sleeper isn't really an excuse - how many mums get to use that excuse? It's perfectly possible to train your body to wake - but he's not waking because his brain doesn't feel it's his responsibility.

I don't think he's a bad man, but he very much seems to see you doing nights as the default, and he could do with a sharp nudge that he should be doing 50%