Four year old up every night - Help!

[berta]

I could really do with some help/suggestions re my just four year old who is coming into our room at least once a night, most nights. Having been a great sleeper from an early age this pattern has crept up on us - at first she would just come in occasionally but over the course of the last year it's become a habit. Basically she comes in crying, immediately settles in bed with us and we carry her back - usually to no protest (though she's begun protesting more and more). I think we have probably encouraged the situation because, to be honest it wasn't such a big deal, we wanted her to be comforted and there's nothing as nice as a night time cuddle. Also we've avoided night-time confrontation because we didn't want to wake her twin sister who needs more sleep than her anyway and shares a room.
BUT I'm now 30 weeks pregnant and the girls will soon be moving upstairs to a new room, so baby can go into the room next door. (We wanted to do this well before the baby was born, so they didn't feel pushed out). The frequent night-time wakings (occasionally her sister wakes too) are waring me and dh down (and she's getting worn out and grumpy in the daytime too) especially as I'm up all night to the loo anyway, and we seem to spend all our weekends bargaining about whose turn it is to have a nap. I know we've got to break her habit - really cannot face being woken and trip up the stairs once or twice a night plus a new baby - but how?
We've tried reasoning (encouragement and praise etc after a good night) to no avail. Should we actually lock their/ our door (temporarily at least) - what about if they need the loo? Given that this is the worst sanction we have for them if they've done something bad - ie go to room and lock the door - and they hate it, it seems very harsh. Also they started school in Sept and it's all still pretty new and scary. BUT having said that we must break this habit that we've tacitly encouraged because the whole family needs a good night's sleep and will do so even more in the coming months.
Help!

Hi berta,
All I can say is ditto..
My 4yo ds sleeps all night no probs.
However his twin gets up and comes in about 4-5 nights out of 7. He stands there and says he needs a cuddle. It is so hard to turn him away.
We have tried being realy firm, which does work in the end, it's just the hysterics on the landing at 3:00am, that put us off, but he will go back evenually if we ignore him long enough!!!
We have recently put a lock on the inside of our door. We leave the bathroom light on for them, in case they want to get up.
He did stand out side and called, screamed at first but we just shouted to get back to bed, and he eventually got the idea.
The reason we put the lock on, was not realy to stop them coming in at night. It was so that we could relax and have sex, in peace in the mornings, without them being able to burst straight in.
They are old enough to understand that they should stay in their own room, and you have to make a stand eventually.As for the mornings, they know they can come in for a cuddle, but then they go off and play in their room and leave mummy & daddy in peace(especially since they are awake at 5:30 most days).

Hi Berta, we had this too at about 4 yo. It's a pain isn't it? I also know the feeling of being slightly guilty of not being tough enough at the beginning because it's easier to go back to sleep and actually, having a warm little body snuggled up to you is nice at times.

We did a star chart and it worked. Big time bribery which then tailed off when he seemed to have got into the habit of staying in his own bed. Then he carried on staying out of habit I think, even though the rewards weren't there. It also proved that he absolutely could do it if he wanted to!

Ours was a home chart made by DP, laminated and with colourful days across the top and velcro strips across the middle. Ds got one star every time he stayed in his own bed and a small packet of chocolate magic stars every night he did it. We're still using one now but for good behaviour since the bed thing has been ok for ages. We had to be ruthless about getting up and putting him back and never giving in and letting him stay. Good luck.

Thanks for your messages. We are being firmer now i.e not letting her come into bed and taking straight back which has helped a bit - think we will invest in a door stop and also try the star chart bribery option - harder with twins i think, though, as the one who doesn't come in will get magic stars every day!!! Not going to move them upstairs until we have more peaceful than broken nights - let's hope can get to that before new baby arrives.
Will let you know progress. txs again.