Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

Original poster

Settling 4 month old for naps is a nightmare

35 replies

k80pie · 05/03/2023 21:20

Settling my baby for naps is just such bloody hard work. Just came out of the room after a 45 minute battle. She didn't feed to sleep so I stood up and played the song we play and swayed around and bounced and she just fussed and fussed and I shushed and shushed. Tried side settling her in the cot eventually, she fussed - picked her up again, more swaying/bouncing, more constant FUSSING.

My partner can settle her in about two minutes flat with the same song and the same swaying.

I would just like to hear from any mums who have gone through this and what did you do about it? I don't know whether to just persist cause this is what it is? I feel like I've tried everything. My second baby by the way - had similar issues settling. Feeding to sleep is no problem - but I don't want to keep doing that anyway long term, would just like my baby to be able to fall aleep on me without constantly crying and fussing :(

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Original poster
k80pie · 05/03/2023 21:22

And she had had a full feed, and didn't want any more - so I am sure she wasn't still hungry. Conscious the problem is likely that she might just want to be able to feed to sleep but wasn't able to and yet wants to cry for it anyway.

OP posts:
UnaVaca · 05/03/2023 21:23

stop feeding and rocking and bouncing to sleep, you’re setting up bad habits for the long run.

3ormorecharacters · 05/03/2023 21:27

Second baby here too (3.5 months) and tbh I don't even try structured naps. With my first I was obsessed with naps and would spend 45 mins+ battling to get her to sleep for a nap which would invariably last 30 mins tops. It was soul destroying. This time round with a 2yo to run after too I just don't have time for any of that. When he gives his tired cues I just stick him on the boob or in the sling and he drops off for however long he likes / can. I couldn't tell you when he slept today or for how long, but he doesn't seem any the worse for it!

WingingIt101 · 05/03/2023 21:40

3ormorecharacters · 05/03/2023 21:27

Second baby here too (3.5 months) and tbh I don't even try structured naps. With my first I was obsessed with naps and would spend 45 mins+ battling to get her to sleep for a nap which would invariably last 30 mins tops. It was soul destroying. This time round with a 2yo to run after too I just don't have time for any of that. When he gives his tired cues I just stick him on the boob or in the sling and he drops off for however long he likes / can. I couldn't tell you when he slept today or for how long, but he doesn't seem any the worse for it!

Thank goodness- exactly the same thing here and I was worried I should be doing a routine- you've made me feel more normal!

Original poster
k80pie · 05/03/2023 21:47

UnaVaca · 05/03/2023 21:23

stop feeding and rocking and bouncing to sleep, you’re setting up bad habits for the long run.

Curious what your suggestion would be?

As mentioned, I am wanting to stop feeding to sleep - well aware that is a bad habit - and I tried side settling in the cot and failed.

OP posts:
33goingon64 · 05/03/2023 21:49

Ummm, I always just put them in cot and walked away. After a short time they fell asleep. Never occurred to me to rock to sleep.

Glitterstars · 05/03/2023 21:56

Same here, first time turn round the stress of nap time ruined months of my maternity leave so this time it’s just lots of contact naps and trying to go more with the flow. There will come a day where he will nap on his own I’m am sure but he’s only 4 months and he just wants to be close to me. We co sleep too and I’m not naïve enough to think we won’t come across struggles when we try and transition to a cot but for now it works and I’m fine with it.

Moon12345 · 05/03/2023 21:56

Don’t get why feeding to sleep/rocking/soothing a baby is a bad habit? They’re a baby?! They need/deserve comfort. My personal advice would be to stop worrying about a routine and respond to their cues. 20 months old DS over here, still feeding to sleep/enjoying contact naps now and then/basically letting them be a baby. I find our culture’s obsession with finding ways to create separation between baby and caregiver absolutely mental.

QuiltedHippo · 05/03/2023 22:01

Gosh I couldn't be arsed with this, they slept on me/on the boob/in the pram/sling/car. Naps should be in the same room as you until 6 months minimum for SIDs prevention so didn't seem any point trying to get them in a cot.

Feeding or whatever to sleep isn't a bad habit, my toddler happily goes to sleep alone for naps or bed now - it's such a short time. Try not to let it get to you

Original poster
k80pie · 05/03/2023 22:03

So I have no problem with feeding to sleep, or cuddling or rocking or anything. I want my baby to be comforted.

But when feeding to sleep doesn't work (and eventually she will start weaning and I won't be able to rely on that) then I want to be able to get her to sleep. And the issue is that she won't. So would really just be great to hear from anyone who has been trying to comfort their baby and finding that they just cry and fuss on them. Not really wanting an idealogical debate about how best to get your baby to sleep.

OP posts:
7Worfs · 05/03/2023 22:03

Breastfeeding to sleep is effective and is comforting to babies.
Sleep is developmental, each child figures it out at own pace.

OP, I echo previous posters - don’t stress about structured naps; as long as you have a rough idea of the current wake windows just offer naps at approx those intervals, if baby isn’t asleep after 20min, give up and go about the day. I usually put mine in a harness and just walk around, and he nods off when he needs to.

Original poster
k80pie · 05/03/2023 22:05

Issue is that I have other stuff I have to do. I have done contact naps through first tri and now have to get on with life. Sling doesn't allow me to cook etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
k80pie · 05/03/2023 22:06

Sorry meant fourth tri.

OP posts:
Glitterstars · 05/03/2023 22:07

Whilst I contact map at bedtime at night my little one can be fussy at times. He is not bf to sleep but he is cuddled to sleep. Sometimes he goes off in minutes he is also 4 months but some night it takes blooming ages and I don’t know why. Soemtimes maybe not tired enough so maybe at nap times look at wake windows I always find my little one is ready for a sleep between 90-120 minutes of being awake

Emmamoo89 · 05/03/2023 22:08

UnaVaca · 05/03/2023 21:23

stop feeding and rocking and bouncing to sleep, you’re setting up bad habits for the long run.

I fed to sleep but baba stopped and self soothed himself.

Keep doing what you're doing. You're not setting up bad habits.

Emmamoo89 · 05/03/2023 22:09

Learnt*

GHxx · 05/03/2023 22:10

You will get there and this phase will pass I’m sure but I would say, do less. It’s all just repetition. Whatever your routine is, do it and stick to it. I hum a song they used to play at baby sensory and even now if he’s unsettled il go in, hold him for a gentle sway for probably 30 seconds max, hum that song, white noise on and lie him in. Around that age and up until he could sit up himself he did have problems at times with just needing to burp and not being able to sleep. Usually I’d go in and squeeze him into me a bit and he’d let out a huge burp then go back in to sleep fine.

Id say just put down, walk out, leave a set amount of time if there’s a lot of crying, go back in, repeat again and again until baby realises you’ll come back. I put my little boy in now and he says ‘bye bye’ and waves as I leave, so happy and content about going down.. but it really reassures me that he sleeps amazingly and knows he goes in there on his own and I come back if he needs me

Teafor1please · 05/03/2023 22:15

I think four months is normal for them to find it difficult to nap. I'm at 3 months and very much at the rocking a screaming baby to sleep stage. I personally think it's way to young to put them down and leave them crying. I'm just at the stage where they sleep on you- might move on to a pram nap soon. Babies!

DevantMaJardin · 05/03/2023 22:19

k80pie · 05/03/2023 22:03

So I have no problem with feeding to sleep, or cuddling or rocking or anything. I want my baby to be comforted.

But when feeding to sleep doesn't work (and eventually she will start weaning and I won't be able to rely on that) then I want to be able to get her to sleep. And the issue is that she won't. So would really just be great to hear from anyone who has been trying to comfort their baby and finding that they just cry and fuss on them. Not really wanting an idealogical debate about how best to get your baby to sleep.

Yes but when they get to weaning their sleep will naturally change at the same time and they start falling asleep by themselves. That's what people are trying to tell you when they say sleep is developmental/to stop worrying about this.

Original poster
k80pie · 05/03/2023 22:29

Okay. Can I reframe it.

My baby won't fall asleep on me. Not without crying and fussing for ages.

This is on the occasions I have fed her and she has made it clear she is full and does not want any more so I can't even offer her the boob.

I wanted to hear from mums who had the same problem - their baby cried on them and not their partner.

OP posts:
Original poster
k80pie · 05/03/2023 22:30

And no won't fall asleep in pram or sling or car or anything without crying. Just looking for solidarity. I clearly have a very specific kind of baby.

OP posts:
Crimblecrumble1990 · 05/03/2023 22:39

Hi OP, not exactly the same but I find it really hard to comfort my baby. She will feed, sometimes to sleep (great) but sometimes not. She’s not a cuddler and no amount of my shushing and rocking will send her to sleep - she actually gets more frustrated.

I have to just pop her in her cot and walk out. It’s usually between 2-10 mins of crying and she’s fast asleep. I would rather she wasn’t crying but no amount of me rocking her will send her to sleep and I usually have a toddler that needs my attention too.

My husband does have a little more success than me. I think maybe as I’m breastfeeding she’s expecting/smelling milk but she’s full up and is finding it a bit confusing?? Babies are hard work!

BridieConvert · 05/03/2023 22:54

My 5.5 month old is like this! Not all the time, but she seems to settle much quicker for DH! 2 to also seems to be settling quicker for him too just now 🙄 unsure what I'm doing wrong, both must just be daddy's girls at the moment!
No advice but just want you to know I see you!

Original poster
k80pie · 06/03/2023 00:31

@Crimblecrumble1990 That sounds almost identical to us. I think it must be the milk too. She does seem to get more frustrated with me trying to soothe her. I haven’t tried leaving her in the cot without patting/shushing but that makes her pretty mad too. Just so hard when she is also not wanting to feed any more, I feel like I’m out of options so she just ends up grizzling and crying on me with her eyes closed, clearly tired at the 1.5/2hr mark but can’t drop off :/

@BridieConvert And thanks Bridie! Hopefully it changes for us soon. It just sucks not being able to comfort your own baby!

OP posts:
Original poster
k80pie · 06/03/2023 00:43

And thanks @Glitterstars , yeah I’m pretty careful with wake windows, sometimes I probably get it wrong but this morning I was sure she was tired. I wouldn’t mind if it took ages for her to fall asleep but it’s the crying/fussing with eyes shut that is so hard! She just won’t switch off on me…whereas it’s almost instant with my partner, and no fussing!

OP posts: