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12mo making me lose my mind

9 replies

els6652 · 02/03/2023 23:35

My dd was a brilliant sleeper from 1 week old until 6.5 months, literally slept through the night every night no issues. We put her in her own room at 6.5 months due to leg slamming keeping us up at night and she was rapidly outgrowing the next to me and since then she’s been a nightmare.
I don’t think I’ve had any constant periods of sleep for more than 3 hours in the last 6 months. I have tried everything and spent hundreds on a new mattress, mattress toppers, a humidifier, essential oils for said humidifier, fucking Ewan and Ollie, every sleeping bag on the market, I’ve tried literally everything. Every sleep music thing on YouTube, white noise, books under her mattress, you name it I’ve tried it. Literally nothing works.
I started sleep training her a few weeks ago just after her first bday- we all had norovirus over Christmas and it wiped us out, we got back into the habit of rocking her to sleep but we were having awake periods of 3 hours every night from 1am - 4am. I started off rubbing her back and soothing her until she fell asleep, I’m now at a point where I rub her back for a minute or so then sit in the chair opposite her cot until she falls asleep independently. But it’s not the getting her to sleep that’s an issue, she goes down fine and sleeps like a log for about 4 hours. Then she’s awake every 2-3 hours all night. She sits up in her cot and cries until we go in and soothe her back to sleep, this can take anything from 30 seconds to 30 minutes. I have tried just leaving her to cry a few times but she gets that worked up she starts heaving and then takes ages to settle, plus I just don’t like the idea of cry it out, it’s not my parenting style. I’m honestly at the absolute end of my tether though, if I don’t get a decent nights sleep soon I think I’ll have breakdown. I’m an emotional, angry wreck constantly because I’m just exhausted and I can’t remember the last time I cooked an actual nutritious meal for me and DH, we live off freezer teas and takeaways because I just dread night time and can’t be bothered spending the good 4 hours we get cooking and cleaning.

I don’t know what I’m expecting from posting this, just some kind of words of hope that it will get better eventually or maybe something I haven’t tried yet? She has just started walking so I’m not sure if we’re in the midst of the 12 month sleep regression at the moment as she has been particularly painful this last 2 weeks. She’s currently crying every time we leave the room tonight, we’ve been in 5 times in the last hour and she just keep crying the second we leave her. I feel like the worst mum in the world because I really lose my rag with her sometimes and I know it’s not her fault and she just feels scared and lonely and wants some comfort. During the day she’s the happiest little soul and separation anxiety when I’m out of her sight doesn’t seem to be an issue anymore during the day but nighttime is just a totally different matter.

OP posts:
els6652 · 02/03/2023 23:59

Just to add, she’s now absolutely wide awake wanting to play and this will last for 2-3 hours. Me and DH just had an argument about it, it’s honestly breaking me.

OP posts:
quietnightmare · 03/03/2023 00:10

Keep going your doing amazing

Sleep consultant?
Teething? Anbesol
Is she in any other pain? Maybe try gripe water or calpol
What's her napping in the day situation? Timings?
Lavndeder baby body lotion massage?
Is she active in the day and getting lots of fresh air?
Rusks and or banana before bed?
What's her bedroom temperature?
Is her cot ina draft / too close to a window/ to close to a radiator?
Have you tried dimmer switch light and gradually decrease over a 15 minute period before bed?
Have your babies bed sheet and sleep suit on your bare skin in your chest for half hour before bed to get your scent on it?
Nappies too small?
Change her room around?
A moving mobile above the bed?
Blackout curtains?/night light? Glow in the dark stats?
Lavender scent in the room?
Does she have a pillow yet? I don't use them but some babies like them when old enough and your sure she is safe enough to have one?
Tilting the cot?
Same bedtime routine at the same time, bath/shower, baby massage, pajamas, cuddles and story and then bed all while dimming a light as you go ?

LapinR0se · 03/03/2023 00:16

Sorry but if you’re about to have a breakdown from lack of sleep then you really need to move to a more controlled crying type approach

Slinkyminky22 · 03/03/2023 00:22

I'd move her cot into your bedroom to start with so there's less effort at night.

How are her naps? If my 9mo wakes from a nap after 4:30pm ish it affects night time sleep - later bedtime, struggling to fall asleep and waking in the night sometimes for hours.

Reading your post I couldn't help but think, yes it's hard (really hard) but your list has exhausted me just reading it. Can you try to take the focus off sleep for a bit?

It will improve, of course it will but you might need to accept this is how it is just now.

els6652 · 03/03/2023 00:24

@quietnightmare thank you so much for taking the time to reply and for that much detail!

Naps are a bit hit and miss- at nursery 2 days a week she doesn’t nap much, usually an hour midday. She has one nap a day with me at weekends but then DH les her sleep whenever when he has her 2 days a week and my mum won’t put her to sleep in the cot, she walks with her in the pram so she has about 4 hours sleep over 2 naps on Fridays when my mum has her which just winds me up so much when I tell her every week.

We give her teetha for her teeth after her bottle when she’s suffering and calpol if she’s really
suffering. DH seems to think her formula is giving her trapped wind as she’s still on formula for her bedtime bottle (I’m just trying to use the tub up, she has cows milk during the day).

I will try everything else you have suggested that I haven’t done yet. I do give her massage after her bath but we went through a phase of her absolutely hating the bath so we started bathing her early evening/late afternoon to avoid the screaming but she seems to be enjoying it again now so I think we need to push it back to 6pm as the start of bedtime wind down. We try story before bed but she just rips the book off me and screams as she’s that tired she’s just angry. She has a nightlight and twinkly gentle lullaby on that’s also got bubbling and under the sea noises in the background. I think maybe I need to try something else.

She has a pillow at the top of her cot as she doesn’t have a sleeping bag anymore and she moves around so much and kept banging her head on the top of her cot.

thank you again, after reading your reply I think I need to crack down on the routine and be a lot stricter

OP posts:
YetMoreNewBeginnings · 03/03/2023 00:26

Is there anything different in her room from yours?

It took me four months of nightmare sleep before I realised the traffic noise in our room was needed by DD3 to sleep. Only solved it after switching rooms temporarily in sheer desperation and realising she slept better solo in our room than hers.

The sound of the heating kicking in also disturbed DD4 much more in our room than in hers so she slept better.

So is there anything external? Road noise, neighbours, train line, local businesses etc?

snitzelvoncrumb · 03/03/2023 00:28

Quietnightmare has some fantastic suggestions. If you are sure it’s habit rather than anything wrong I would try sleep training. I felt like you do, and after six months of no sleep I used sleep training and it worked. It was honestly the worst and hardest thing I have ever done, but I knew I couldn’t keep going on like that. Good luck.

Mightaswellstayawakenow · 03/03/2023 00:38

You’re doing an amazing job. I’ve also got a 12 month old and I’m going through something very similar.
we’ve ended up bringing her cot into our room and actually attaching it to our bed, so it sort of extends from our mattress.
It can feel slightly suffocating, but it does mean that we actually get to sleep as I can comfort her as soon as she stirs before she wakes up too much.

quietnightmare · 03/03/2023 22:22

Keep going honestly your not alone most of us have been there or are there with you now.

If all else fails the only other thing I can think of which is controversial but can work is do all the things above but after the bath/shower go downstairs with your baby's blanket and let baby see the blanket it on the sofa and allow baby to have some time to chill out 5-10 mins playing with 'quiet toys' dolls, teddy bears books and then say let's have a massage and do that the day let's get dressed for bed, then say let's wrap you in your blanket then say let's sing a song/read a book so all this while dimming the light and giving baby their last feed. Then say let's go to bed and just take baby straight up to her bed and say goodnight and a kiss and try leaving. This also means no playing in her bedroom even in the day so she associates her bedroom as a place for sleep ONLY. It works for me

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