All those whose babies wouldn't be put down at night...

[TradedAtlanta]

....when did it get better and did you try anything that helped?

My refluxy LO is nearly 10 weeks and still sleeping on us at night. I've tried warming the cot, using my shirt as a sheet, dummy (refused), swaddling (wrenches it over his nose or throws up on his hands in the arms up one), co-sleeping (works occasionally but I am so uncomfortable I can't keep entirely still and he wakes up anyway). He's on omeprazole now but I'm still not getting anywhere.

I'd be happy to co-sleep if only I could get comfortable but where on earth do I comfortably put the lower arm that's closer to the bed?

Any tips, advice or commiserations welcome!

I think things improved around the 10 week mark....in terms of putting her down (sleep is still awful though). Have you tried settling him on his side with him facing you co sleeping, then rolling him gently onto his back? This was the only thing that worked with us. I'm still co sleeping and find a v shaped pillow behind me and a smaller pillow between my knees helps. My arm closest to the bed is straight out over babies head and the other one rests on my hip or I wriggle away from baby a bit and tuck it under my chin. Not sure if any of that makes sense but am sure there are pictures on the lullaby Trust website, or there is a website called 'basis' that has useful info. I'm sure things will improve soon, but I know how rough it can be. Xx

Oh and I sleep in a zip up fleece onesie to keep warm and just have a blanket over my legs! Oh god I miss my duvet, and sleep!

My baby has reflux and I couldn't put her down at night until 11 weeks, she sleeps in a sleeping bag and had been on the reflux formula milk from 7 weeks.
I would have thought your close to the age where it gets easier

2 years of age before our first would go down without being held and bounced. Our second has seen that as a record to break. Sorry OP.

2 years. Although it was only once I'd got some sleep I realised my dd had reflux all that timeHV andGP didn't think about it either and I was surviving on 4 hours sleep a night for the first 2 years. She would settled them be sick the. Wanted to be held upright in a chair for the next few hours. I got to bed around 2am. If I was lucky she would sleep until 7. 🥲

Maybe try a crib? Perhaps he feels abit lost in the big cot.If you get a co-sleeper one you could still reach out and touch him in the night to settle him, but would have the space to sleep okay without worry or feeling uncomfortable.Both mine were in cribs next to the bed for first 7mths-ish so lasted awhile.x

I can't remember exactly when due to the sleep deprived blur but I went back to work (shared leave so partner was at home) at 13 weeks and we were co-sleeping by that point.
It was horrendous though, you have my sympathies

We've also found LO settles better in her crib than the next to me. She's enjoying the space. We co slept until she was big enough for her own room and within a week sleep improved.

Look at the cuddle curl for co-sleeping. Your lower arm goes under your pillow or above babies head. There's lots of pics online to show.
My DD co-slept on and off until she was 12 months. She does still come into bed for a cuddle if she wakes in the night but most nights she's in her own bed now (she's 19months).

It got much better with her in her own bed from around 4 months. She always fell asleep feeding and I then transferred her to her own bed. We had some particularly bad patches of sleep with her throughout her first year and co-sleeping always made it better and so much easier to get through

I co- sleep with mine - under arm is perpendicular to my body, right above baby’s head (this is for safety as babies can wriggle upwards too, so it blocks them wriggling under a pillow).
Baby is positioned level to my breasts for night feeding. He’s in a sleeping bag, I wear layers and duvet is only barely covering my legs.
It’s quite uncomfortable but it’s the only way I get some sleep.

If you are going to co-sleep your DH needs to decamp to a spare room/bed. Breastfeeding mothers produce hormones that keep them attuned and alert to baby moving, but fathers conk out so to me it’s too risky.

DC is 8 and has recently started medication to help with sleep so, umm, about 8 years.

Carobel fixes silent reflux and it doesnt cause constipation unlike alot of the other thickeners. Saved me and my little one alot of sleepless nights. Can get it at most pharmacies.

I would second trying this.

Time.

Don't let anyone make you feel you're doing it wrong if your baby won't be put down. You're not. 10 weeks is tiny - still in the 4th trimester. They do just want to be with you and on you. DD wouldn't sleep unless she was being held for ages, and I thought we'd broken her.

But it will pass!

The only thing I found that helped us - and this is pure anecdata, so may be useless - was that I'd put her down awake but calm, and I'd put my hand across her belly and talk to her. Then I'd move my hand but keep looking at her and talking. And eventually she didn't scream when I put her down any more. I think that was the first stage for us.

Thanks all for your thoughts and advice. I'm breastfeeding so I don't think the carobel is for us?
@MooMa83 and @7Worfs thank you for the positioning advice - I will definitely try again.
@kernowpicklepie I'll look up the cuddle curl

I have a side cot but so far all it really is is an obstacle course on the way into bed. I'm thinking though that if I could get him to settle in that I'd have more freedom to move without disturbing him.

@SarahAndQuack thank you for your post. The only thing I do feel I am doing wrong is ending up falling asleep with him on my chest after hours of failed attempts to put him down. It honestly doesn't feel particularly unsafe but I know it is and I don't want to be that mother who has to warn others based on her own loss.

Combination of brief stints in the next-to-me with mostly co-sleeping at night. All naps were contact naps or in the pram.

That went on until I was confident he'd be safe sleeping on his front. Started putting him down on his front at 4 months and it was everything he'd been waiting for. Slept like a dream.

Now at 17 months he's slept on his back since he was about 1 year 🤷🏻‍♀️

Do you have a partner who can take a turn? When DD was this age DP and I took shifts staying awake while DD slept on us. DD didn't reliably settle in a cot for a couple of years but she did get to the point where you could gingerly transfer her into a cot after letting her fall asleep on you, then she'd wake up and need re-settling, and it is so much easier to do that if you can share the burden.

It is really tough and I absolutely get where you're coming from with the worries about it all.

There is also some great info on Instagram regarding chest sleeping or just co-sleeping in general.
Check out cosleepy and happycosleeper

My DS is 9 weeks and I've been doing a mixture of chest sleeping and co-sleeping. I was hoping not to bedshare this time but he's a typical baby and wants to be close. Makes it easier for breastfeeding though x

@SarahAndQuack my DH is fantastic. He has DS from 9ish when I sleep til 12.30 or 1 but isnt with us in the room so he can get a little rest and so Co sleeping is a little safer. Our older child still isn't reliably sleeping through so he's also sometimes up with her!

@kernowpicklepie I don't understand Instagram! What kind of things have you read about chest sleeping? If there's a way to make it safe enough I'm there as he sleeps beautifully and we all wake up refreshed! When we try other things he wakes his sister up and it's a chain of sleepless misery

He sounds really nice but perhaps have a word with him about sharing things a bit more? If you're worrying like this then it's worth it.

We ended up cosleeping following the Lullaby Trust's safe sleep guidance. Our baby would not sleep in their bedside cosleeper really, so this was the safest option, I was so scared I would fall asleep holding or feeding him.

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/ has really good advice aboit safe co sleeping. I put my bottom arm around the top of his head, but the pictures the lullaby trust website illustrate it better than I can describe it. I got used to it and was comfy. I had a light duvet around my hips and then a big cardigan for warmth over my night top, as obviously you can't have a heavy duvet near the baby and I was told this was safe. It worked well for us.

My husband went to sleep in the spare room so I had the bed to myself, which made it feel.safer to me, but I know lots of people manage very safely with their partners in the bed.

We both got more sleep this way, although I had to be firm to my DH that he still needed to help with sleep where he could. Take baby in the morning so I could have a break ect, as I think there is a risk it can fall too much on the mother with co sleeping. Also you may end up co sleeping for longer than you intended, which happened to us, although it is lovely in many ways. When he was older we moved a mattress onto the floor for safety. Hope to transition him into his own toddler bed though soon!

Prop yourself up with pillows, baby must stay at an angle and not lay flat. They recommend being in the middle of the bed just incase baby rolls off and then it's a soft landing rather than the floor.
I've added a couple of screenshots from one of the instagrams.
There isn't much research into it so no-one talks about it as a safe sleep option. It is then obviously a risk you would take but if that's the only way they'll sleep then atleast you'll all get sleep.

I ended up doing chest sleeping with my DD in her first few weeks but I never looked into how to do it safely so it was a big risk I took but tbh, she wouldn't sleep any other way. She then started bed sharing but I didn't really look into it and she would only sleep in my arm, on her side facing me and never on her back. Now when I look at safe sleeping I was never doing it how they consider safe so luckily all was fine

I had two poor sleepers, a year and a half apart. We used to joke that they had drawn up a schedule so that they didn't sleep at the same time and there was always at least one of them awake.
My husband was fully committed to baby caring, so it wasn't too hard to ask him to have them when I desperately needed sleep. I was in sleep deprivation mode for years.
I used to cosleep as carefully as I could, but it was the baby who slept, not me. I couldn't relax enough to sleep next to baby. I would sort of drowse, but keep jerking awake.
The only time I got a proper sleep was when my husband took them both downstairs and entertained them. Then-youngest would be in her bouncy chair, watching husband and toddler.
Baby three had severe cleft and had to be bottle-fed. Night feeds with bottle were horrible, horrible. Waiting for feed to warm up or cool down was ghastly with a crying baby. No more latching on at the first 'ask' from baby. It was heartbreaking, especially when she had already been through so much with surgeries, etc. Not being able to comfort her straight away really upset me.

My daughters who have had a child are adamant there's no way they would go through it again themselves, lol

Thanks @kernowpicklepie for the chest sleeping information. It seems I'm doing it like that instinctively which is good. LO managed 33 minutes sleeping separately from me last night which is his record. I'm going to keep trying to sleep separately as it is what I would prefer.