16 month old hardly sleeps and online tools unhelpful

[Nikkimumof4]

Baby number 4 is a nightmare. I have 3 other children 16,15 and 9 who all slept well. (Not perfect, but slept)

My 16 month old has not slept through one night since he arrived. He will sleep the best part of 2-3 hours and is constantly fidgeting or moaning in his sleep. He has now started only 1 nap a day no longer than 1hr 20/30 mins. (Used to be 2x 40 mins max)

I am exhausted and every time I Google I’m hit with the excuse of sleep regression- not sure they ment to last this long and feel the label is only there to make tired parents feel
better. As you can imagine I’m past that point now. I’m over exhausted and questioning my decision to of had another child. (Yes I feel guilty about this after we needed IVF, and I do love him)
My husband has only just started being hands on now the worse it has got.

we have tried routines, spent nights having him stay on his own crib/cot after a short comfort. Eventually caving days in as moving him in bed with us. (It’s a case of some sleep even poor sleep is better than none)

He is disturbing everyone in the house. My sister won’t have him as he is awful. My parents do a night a week so we can get some sleep.

on top of been exhausted I’m concerned he isn’t getting enough meaningful sleep for his development and will end up being behind one way or another. I have 2 other children who have always been behind in their development that it has caused learning issues academically which I have supported and advocated for them which is equally exhausting and emotionally draining for all involved.

So I am stressed this child will require the same if he doesn’t meet his milestones because his lack of sleep is causing development barriers although l, nothing noted as yet.

He occasionally has an ear infection or cold as do many young children but the times between he isn’t sleeping.

Please can someone wave a magic wand or give me some advise that will actually work on this sleep thief of a child.

Sitting in the bathroom crying while he is crying in the next room with dad while I write this.

Have you considered allergies? It sounds like there may be low level discomfort, which might not be causing any other symptoms but could be disturbing sleep.

My 2.5 yr old has only ever slept through 5 times in his life (3 of which were in the last 6 weeks), so I wouldn't be concerned about that as some kids just don't til they're much older, but the frequent waking and fidgety-ness points to something else going on to me. Is sleep any better after calpol / painkiller?

I hadn’t considered allergies no. And is a better suggestion to look into than other things I have read regarding just the sleep regression.
He was breast fed for 6 months then combination fed after so I put it done for months of him wanting to be close.
bowl movement are all well unless he has an infection so nothing has screamed out to us as allergies but will look into it. He still had a bottle before bed and a beaker of stage 3 milk mid morning. Won’t take full fat milk but while he has been unwell at times and off food I was happy to continue with the formula.
thank you will look into what he is eating and see it makes a difference. We have tried a banana before bed as a natural melatonin relaxant but no difference.

How do you settle him? What does a day’s routine look like? Is he a good eater? Is the room pitch black?

He is up at 6/7am breakfast, washed and dressed then out the door. Nursery he naps just after lunch. Eats well and will be home anywhere between 4:30-6pm depending on the day. He no longer falls asleep in the car (nursery is a good 40mins away) he will then have more tea/supper (he loves food) before playing, bath and then will settle with my husband with a bottle (the only one he is having now) around 8:30/9pm…. in the sitting room where we all are on the sofa.
when we transfer him into his cot about 9:30 he will be fine for an hour max. Will then figget, wiggle, cry etc but not away. This obviously disturbs me straight away. We get to maybe 12/1 am and I’ve been up that many times he is sat up crying so is in bed with us from then. He is just as restless but I’m getting more zzzzz in.
my alarm goes off around 5/5:30 and I get up and I swear from then he sleeps soundly till he is woken. We joke that he only a like sleeping when we are awake. 😫
with having other school age children I need time to see to their needs and when he is disturbing them it’s hard. My plan is to book some annual leave when they children are not at school and be persistent in settling him in his cot and to stay there all night it’s just so exhausting on a normal work/school day.
out bedroom is pitch black so no light issues once in his cot.
He has suffered with his ears a few times. Ear infection x5 in the last year but even when he isn’t unwell he is still so restless and bad sleeper.