Help for toddler and kid (ages 2 and 4) -- desperate!

[thebluestlight]

DC1 is nearly four, while DC2 is nearly 2. We are now going through a prolonged 'bad' period of sleep that has left us at breaking point after six or seven weeks of this.

It started when both DC got colds and we had some interrupted nights of illness, which I cope with fine in the short term. Unfortunately that has created a pattern, and now DC1 will wake up anywhere from 3-6 times per night crying. Occasionally this is set off by coughing but sometimes it's simply a wake up spurred by nothing in particular.

At the same time, DC2 has become an early riser and often wakes up crying at 5:15 a.m. or so (whereas this DC used to sleep until a reasonable 6:30). As a result, the night goes roughly like this:

7 p.m.: both kids in bed and fall asleep quickly
10 p.m.: adults go to sleep
DC1 wakes up: 9 p.m., midnight, 1 a.m., 3 a.m.
DC2 wakes up for the day: 5:15 a.m.

This has gone on for the last six weeks. DC1 will go back to sleep but sometimes needs comforting (so in the above, maybe I went into DC1's room at midnight or 1 a.m.). DC1 when waking up will say "I'm bored" or "I don't want to be asleep" or sometimes just cries until comforted. I have trouble getting back to sleep after waking, so many nights, I'm just awake after the first midnight-ish wake up and drift back just as DC2 wakes.

We both work full time and I have issues with MH that are exacerbated by lack of sleep, so this has driven us to the edge. Any suggestions?

First thing I would suggest is going to bed much earlier yourselves. I have gone to bed at 7/8/9pm when sleep was really bad.

And then, could you and your partner tag team and each of you sleep in a room with a child (on a spare mattress, so hopefully not too habit forming) to get through this rough patch?

I would be going to bed much earlier until it settles again...
You could also have their bedtime a bit later..

It sounds like something has scared DC1, is there anything you could introduce to his routine/bedroom to help him feel safe? A new teddy bear, projector - just to make sleep a nice place to be again..

If DC2 is still napping on top of that much sleep they're getting a lot.. 10 hours is plenty of sleep, do they need a later bedtime or a shorter nap?

You're absolutely right. They started nursery a little more than two months ago, but since they seem OK with going and have bonded with their teachers, I wasn't thinking of ongoing anxiety.

DC2 naps in nursery, DC1 does not. DC2's nap is as little as 20 minutes, or maximum of an hour. It didn't seem like too much sleep to me as the guidelines I've seen for two year olds are 11 - 14 hours per day.

It could be that change alright - when mine got unexpected frights at one point their sleep was disturbed for a while and came right again but it took a bit of extra comforting and teddy bears!

I wouldn't say its too much sleep but it might be enough, the ten hours, that's why mine got or sometimes ten and a half/eleven but often ten and managed on it (with a nap) so it might be that DC2 needs a later bedtime to wake later..only a suggestion I could be wrong..

Nursery would be a huge change to both of them even if they have settled well, it's still a big change in their little world :-)

I personally would go the other way, especially for the 4 year old, and set clear boundaries around sleep time and what the rules are. Especially if they slept well prior to this. Make sure to talk about it when everyone is not tired and not right at bedtime. We talk about how everyone in the house needs good sleep to feel good and mummy and daddy need good sleep to be able to be good parents, DC needs good sleep feel good. Getting up and asking for mummy and daddy all night means that everyone is tired and feeling yucky. For us this has always been successful combined with also setting clear expectations - for us we agreed with DC that emergencies, like bad dreams and needing help after pooping are good reasons to come out of rooms, "losing" favorite stuffed animal is not an emergency and not a good reason.

Recently DC was stalling at bed time by needing "one more snuggle" - initially we kept going with snuggles and trying to say ok, but this is really the last one, mummy is right here, one more kiss etc. etc. but this just resulted in more and more and more until we finally would have to say ENOUGH and leave, at which point everyone was frustrated, DC was crying, we'd go back in for ONE MORE snuggle and sometimes DC would go to sleep, sometimes we'd go around again for a while. Finally discussed with DC bedtime and why it's important to go to sleep, mummy and daddy are of course available for all the snuggles during the day but at bed time, we do one big snuggle and then it's time to say night. DC has gone back to happily having a snuggle and going straight to sleep once the boundary was clear.

In your situation I would have the discussion, explain the boundaries during day time, and then leave to cry, possibly go in one time and say, it is sleeping time, mummy and daddy aren't available, although with my DC this would make things 100% worse.

We've also found a gro clock super helpful, during sleeping time, we all stay in our beds in our house etc. etc. but obviously depends on DC?

Thank you -- I think my older DC sounds a lot like your kid in that me going in absolutely makes it worse (I think DC is crying in a semi-awake state, but then me going in leads to fully awake with more awareness of it being the middle of the night, and that kicks off longer wakenings).

I read lots of other threads about toddler sleep and found quite a lot of people recommending getting in bed with DC/sleeping on a mat in DC's room, but I frankly can't function that way (and work, and take care of other DC, and operate as an adult).

I do not want DC1 to feel miserable, scared or unsupported, but I really do need everyone (including me) to get a healthy amount of sleep.