Two year old sleep - time to drop nap?

[Bbencore]

sorry this is long - I don’t want to miss out any information that might help someone help us

Our 26 month old’s sleep has gone through a sudden change and I can’t decided between two very different approaches to the problem.

not a great sleeper until 8 months old when we did the sleep wave method and within one night she was sleeping through the night, from 7-6 ish. We had a solid bedtime routine that we followed to the letter and took no more than 40 mins from bath to lights out and door shut.

At two she started resisting the routine and things have really gone to pot since. She messes around, has to have lots of books read to her and lots more songs, which is probably just boundary testing. but worst of it is we can’t put her down without her wailing. Lots of going in, more cuddles, songs, reassurance until she is finally asleep, recently never before 8 pm. Yesterday was 8.30.

felt like this was just a phase to ride through and we needed to hold the line. Also she was now waking up at 7-7.30 am so we thought she was getting enough sleep and we were getting a lie in so no harm done. But two days in a row she’s been going to bed after 8 and waking up at 6.

in terms of naps, they’ve always been harder but she would do two hours at home (quite late at 1:30-3:30) and an hour at nursery (12:30-1:30). Now she resists naps at home with all her might - but if they succeed it’s about an hour and a half. at nursery she sleeps quite easily and sleeps for an hour (12:30-1:30 again).

finally, we’ve had big changes at home. Moved house, moved cities, she’s gone to a new nursery and gone from three days a week to full time. This was about six weeks ago.

so - is she lacking sleep, which is then messing everything else up? Should we be working on getting her to bed earlier and having longer naps?
Or is it time to cut her nap? Thanks

My DS started resisting naps and bed time at just over 2. I wanted to drop the nap but DH felt strongly that DS still needed it really. We pushed on through and things improved and he then napped until 3y9m. For a lot of that time he was sleeping 8.30ish to 6ish plus 2 hour nap, whereas now he has dropped the nap he goes to sleep closer to 7.30.

It sounds like your DD is getting an OK amount of sleep with the nap included. I personally would push on through, but I know many would phase out the nap at this point to aim to improve bedtime battles.

My daughter started resisting naps at about 2y4m. Refused to be put down in her cot point blank. We just had to change our tactics. She would sleep in the pram or the car. She had a baby brother too, so I'd tell her we just need to go for a walk in the double buggy to get the baby to sleep and she'd conk out too. It felt like an annoying added step but thankfully it was Spring so not the worst. Would quite often get a double nap out of the pair of them this way. What I've learned from parenting is that everything is a phase, everything changes, and we evolve too. I think she still needed a nap most days at 2y4m but if she missed a day it wasn't the end of the world. That balance has gradually changed so at 3.5 now she may nap once or twice a week but it doesn't seem to effect her night sleep which is a pretty solid 7-6.30.

Her brother is coming up for 2 now and has only ever napped in the pram. Except now he's changed his tune and will only nap in his sisters bed 🤷🏼‍♀️ turns out this is actually better cos I can close the blind and he sleeps for 2+hrs. Doesn't seem to be helping the 5am starts mind you.

I used to dread the days we wouldn't get a nap. But things just change, we get into my bed and watch a Disney film and have a rest instead.

What is the current full schedule with the presumably late resisted nap?

I think it's rare for children this age to nap and be asleep pre 8pm. I think they just need more awake time?

Thanks so much for your replies. @BendingSpoons , how did you/ your husband know that your child still needed the nap? How was his behaviour different without one? Ours is a bit rattier than when she used to have a long nap but to be honest she’s in quite a wilful phase anyway, so hard to tell 🙃
@forwardsandbackwardsandup I completely agree everything is a phase and we have to evolve. I guess I just don’t know what we should be evolving into, if you see what I mean. Different routine, different timings, or no nap? I wish she would sleep in a buggy but never has.
@LGBirmingham Schedule at home has always been different from nursery. Currently it is : 7-7:30 wake up (but this week has been 5:50-6 am wake up)
some activity outside involving exercise in the morning
snacks around 10-10:30 if she wants them
12:30 lunch
1:30 nap (resisted)
snacks at 3:30 if she wants them
5:30 dinner
6:30 bath
then a lot of mucking about / getting upset until about 8 when she finally falls asleep

nursery they have lunch at 11:30 and nap at 12:30 where she sleeps for an hour. We’ve always had a later lunch and nap at home than at nursery and it’s never caused an issue for us.

id just love to find a way - any way - that means she goes back to saying ‘night night’ and lying down when I leave the room, instead of what we have now 💔

forgot to say we’ve tried a tonne of things that work for about a week then it becomes another stressful thing that makes bedtime longer than it used to. E.g listening to an audio book worked for a week then she started staying awake to listen to it and crying when it finished. also tried leaving the door open for a bit and saying I was just outside which worked for a while but now she just yells for me even more.

I don't exactly remember the times but my daughter gave up naps very young and always went to bed late, I remember other parents saying theirs needed two hours in the morning and two in the afternoon when mine wouldn't sleep at all in the day. She was absolutely fine when awake, not difficult or sleepy, just didn't seem to need so much sleep. My mother spent hours trying to rock her to sleep in the afternoon a few times when she was looking after her just didn't work. They are what they are.

I think you just have to only let her have a short nap? 2 is the absolute cut off for ds no matter how long he's been asleep with aim of getting him to sleep for 8 and he's the same age as yours. I don't let him have more than an hour. He's often not asleep until half eight too. I really hear you on the nightmare bedtimes.

Yesterday he only had 25 mins at 12:50 as he was invited to a party that started at 1. He was asleep by 7:30 before his stories and slept through til 6:15 when the heating came on 🙄. It's made me wonder if I should aim for that everyday?

maybe cutting the nap down is the answer, but on the days she doesn’t nap at all (recent weekends) bedtimes are still really difficult, so I am beginning to lose hope in that solution too.

She slept for an hour at nursery yesterday then we had an almighty battle at bedtime - she finally went to sleep at nine pm. And woke up at 5:45. 😫I’ve put a story on for her to listen to which feels like a tactical error.

Maybe no nap is too much and she's a nightmare because she's overtired? We had similar with ds when my sister babysat and we got home at 9 and he had only just got out of the bath. Took ages to go to sleep.