Tips for juggling bedtime with toddler & baby

[nobodygirl2023]

Hoping for some tips from those who have little ones of a similar age gap to my two (2.5 years).

DD1 is 2.5 and we've gone through so many phases with bedtime & sleep but one constant for the past year has been that she needs me to stay with her after bedtime stories until she falls asleep - either rubbing her back or holding her hand til she nods off. She only wants me to do it and will only accept her dad if I'm out (which is never).

Between story time & this settling bedtime takes anywhere from 45-90 mins. This was never really a problem for me & I quite enjoyed the winding down time too, however, I now have 5 week old too whose last feed of the night before bedtime is falling directly after DD1 bedtime routine so I'm finding it all quite stressful & very rushed to get it done in time for her feed.

I think her last feed will likely move forward a bit older she gets so will clash with toddlers bedtime too. How do i juggle both - managing to read stories & settle toddler whilst also feeding, settling & trying to build a bedtime routine for the baby? Any tips?

DH works nights so I need to find a way to manage myself. I'm not sure how to break toddler habit of needing me to stay with her til she's asleep without massive meltdowns and it just doesn't feel like the right time for that.

How does everyone else do it? The logistics of it are making my brain melt. I'm a bit of a control freak who can't function without routine. Help!

I have a 19m who is still breastfed and a newborn about to arrive! My toddler is getting used to my husband taking over the staying with her to fall asleep after I have boobed her. We've just started this as I'm now 40 weeks. I'm hoping I'll feed her and if she falls asleep quickly great if not we'll swap over and I'll go downstairs with the newborn.

The only other thing I wonder about, which might be less relevant as your child is about a year older than mine, is shortening or bringing forward the afternoon nap. In my case this happened on its own and since the nap has become 1.5 hours for some reason, it has sped up the toddler falling asleep from two hours to 30 mins.

Thanks for your reply. My oldest hasn't napped in the day for a long time now actually.

I guess my main issue is how to get her to be able to go to sleep without needing me there. I can't envision a scenario where this would happen without major meltdowns - which isn't an option right now with a newborn to settle too.

We have a very similar age gap and routine to you and basically the baby had to fall in- I breastfed her to sleep whilst doing the sitting with her big sister and then just transferred her once I could. When the baby was tiny she obviously wasn't going into her night time cot and being left on her own anyway so I just took her downstairs with me once we were done.

Once she was old enough to go to bed I often used to say to big sister 'im just going to put your sister to bed' and I'd then come back to find her asleep too, but she seemed to accept me stepping out for a few minutes anyway because she knew I would come back. DP often isn't back for bedtime and we basically muddle along like this, story together in big one's room, big one settles in to go to sleep, little one is fed, I then go and put little one in her bed and then go back to big one and do whatever's needed.

I have a slightly smaller gap. The baby goes down at 6:30 and the toddler at 7:30. Probably not the best parenting, but I give the toddler something engrossing on the iPad and sit him safely outside the baby’s room until I’m ready for him.

However, it’s rare DH isn’t here and DH will sort the baby with a bottle (stopped BF at 6m).

My brutal opinion, accept the meltdowns- it’s a habit that will inevitably evoke some resistance in breaking. It will be totally worth it to have a two year old you can just tuck in and walk out on.
a night light that twinkles or a music machine may help.
I would do book downstairs after bath, then transition to bedroom is just to sleep and there a clear line in the sand and message about what’s expected. Put the toddler down first and handle the baby after.

Interested as I'm in a very similar position with a 2yo and 3mo. Currently when I'm on my own with both I feed the baby while I'm sitting in the toddler's room. He's BF so he's always happy to feed and usually falls asleep too. Once the toddler is settled, I take baby to the living room where he stays until I go to bed. He usually has another wake window in that time.

Soon I'll have to start doing an earlier bedtime, really not sure how I'll do it then so following with interest. Longer term (unless toddler magically starts going to sleep by herself) all I can think of is putting them in the same room and doing their bedtime together.

One idea I've had is trying audiobooks to see if the toddler will let me leave of she has one on for company. Not holding my breath but might be worth a try!

Interested to read what responses you get, I have a 3yo and am due my second in April, there's often night where DH works late so bedtime will be down to me.
My plan is for baby to hopefully just slot in to the routine we already have for DD (probably wishful thinking!), she has a bath around 6.30, milk and a couple of stories in her bedroom then we put a story or music on her yoto player that she usually falls asleep to. She usually still needs me to sit with her until she falls asleep though which I don't mind at all but I can imagine it's going to be a lot harder with a baby to sort for bed too

My toddler and child are the same. That are 5 and 3 new baby is 5 weeks I currently sit on the bedroom floor between them settling baby either rocking or feeding. If baby screams (not often) ill leave and promise to be back in a second. Still trying to figure it out atm. Baby has reflux and doesn't like being put down at all. OH does nights too.