I have no life

[Ladyrose7]

My 3 month old baby is breastfed to sleep, and stays asleep when co-sleeping snuggled up next to me. I have tried to get baby to settle and sleep in cot, swing, bouncer, sling but she either won't sleep, or get enough sleep which has led to a weeks of her being very overtired which was a nightmare.

This has been the only thing that works so far, BUT that means i have to stay lying next to her during her day time naps to resettle her incase she wakes up too soon. The problem is her sleep pattern is not consistent so i'm unable to sneak out, then back in to resettle. Sometimes she seems to get uncomfortable and stirs every 10minutes, or 15, and sometimes she stays asleep for 40 + minutes. It is very unpredictable, so i have to be right next to her to hold her tight again, or quickly stick boob in mouth so she goes back to deep sleep. I am spending most of my day/night in bed but really can't take anymore. The only time i am off the bed is during her short wake window of one hour.

How do i get baby to resettle herself to sleep, or link sleep cycles? How can i improve this?

Walk her in the pram? Sounds really unhealthy for your MH to be in bed so much, no wonder you're struggling. Have you tried a dummy?

She's only 3 months, it will come in time.

Personally, at that age I used to grab a cup of tea, a snack and cozy my little one in on the sofa so she got cuddles whilst sleeping and I could watch something. Or she always slept in the pram so would go for a walk until she dropped off and then walk back home and leave her sleeping in the pram. She rarely napped in her cot until she was older tbh.

You will regain your feeling of self, it just takes time.

Have you considered babywearing? Mine pretty exclusively contact napped for 9 months. In the autumn when he was around 5 months he started being ok napping in the pram too and I’d leave him parked in the garden so I could get some stuff done, but when it got cold I couldn’t really be bothered with getting him dressed in all the layers just for a nap. He’s done countless morning naps in the baby carrier while I take my dog for a walk! I’ve also had him in a sling when sitting on my computer doing life admin, going shopping, dealing with piles of laundry, hoovering…

But I’ve also spent hours and hours just slumped on the sofa with a sleeping baby on my chest playing stupid games on my phone and scrolling mumsnet! And as they get older they spend longer and longer awake giving you more time to be out and about and doing stuff with her.

I used to feel so unproductive and a waste of space really, but then tried to remind myself that the job isn’t housekeeping, the job is raising baby and if he’s happier and naps better in contact then that’s what I’ll do. In five years you won’t be thinking “I should’ve cuddled her less” or “I should’ve cleaned more”. 😊

Says in the OP baby won't sleep in a sling.

3 months was the point where I was struggling with this. I thought I would be co-sleeping forever. We did manage to break it. First of all we started following a daily routine. We did everything we could to create an 'optimal' sleep environment, black out blind, white noise. Baby did still struggle to settle in cot, we only managed to get her to settle in by rolling up towels covered in my t-shirt and placing them in cot (removed as soon as she fell asleep) for her to settle. We had to stroke her tummy and shush her but it did get her to sleep in cot!

After a few days of doing that every night the heatwave hit and we had to remove everything, including swaddle and she settled fine. So we focused on just getting her to sleep by herself at night first. There was few years at times but we never brought her back to bed, we did stay consistent until she drifted off. Once she was able to sleep in cot at night we were able to switch the afternoon naps to cot quite smoothly.

I can sympathise, @Ladyrose7! I am going through the same thing at the moment with my 15-week-old. He has never napped anywhere but on me or his father. He hates the sling but will sleep in his pram (these days it’ll take 15-30 minutes of settling him at the beginning of the walk, but it’s worth it for the 30m-2h sleep I get out of it. I bought wireless headphones so I can listen to audiobooks or call my family, or I’ll treat myself to a hot drink - got a cup holder for that! - and just enjoy the walk). So 2-3 naps are on me and the second or the third of the day is in the pram, which helps to break up the day.

At night he has always usually needed to sleep with me for the last few hours of the early morning, and this week has just refused to sleep in his crib at all and so is in bed with me. I don’t like it but don’t know what else I can do…

I used to get so frustrated about the contact napping and read books and all sorts of things online hoping to “fix” it. I tried getting him to nap in his crib for the first nap of the day but only ever got 30m out of him (if any) and found it super stressful, so I gave up and decided I’ll try again when he is a bit older. The moment I decided just to go with the flow and lean into things I felt so much better. I don’t think I can control it, so the best thing to do is make it as positive as possible. I also try to remember that it is perfectly natural and makes him happy!

Now I have a list of things on my phone that I can do while he sleeps on me, usually on my phone and often one-handed! Or I just relax and watch YouTube/IG videos or read. I’m also considering getting a lap table thing for bed so I could potentially pull it over my lap and work at my laptop when he sleeps - an idea in progress! I try to keep nap stations set up with the things I need: charger, water, snack, book etc. I find it helps to not sit in the same place every time, so I do both the bed and a sofa in another room. My bum is very often numb!

My life entirely revolves around my baby’s sleep and it’s frustrating having to rush to get showered/eat/do some housework in the short 1-1.5 hours between his naps. And he is not easy to get to sleep: he requires lots of bouncing and he often stirs during naps and needs to be jiggled and shushed or fed back to sleep, but I know it won’t last forever. Some days I do resent it but mostly I’ve learned to make the most of it.

Not sure if any of this is helpful but know that you’re not alone!!