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Original poster

6 Month Old Sleep Reassurance

7 replies

NewMumSmith · 11/02/2023 15:09

Hi

I'm a new mum and I am really really struggling. I feel like I can't cope anymore and I don't know what to do.

My 6 month old is not sleeping well. He went through the 4 month sleep regression so I'm not sure if he is going through the 6 month one or if there is something else. Last night he didn't sleep for more than an hour/hour and a half at a time and the only way he would settle back to sleep was through breastfeeding.

Over the last four weeks his sleep has been all over the place. It's ranged from sleeping for single hours to 2 to 3 hours with the odd 4 or 5 hour stint. Prior to Christmas he was sleeping 5, 6 and sometimes 7 hours at a time waking for one night feed. Last night he woke 6 times and each time he fed for a long time (20 minutes on each breast). In the day he also fed well 5 times.

Last night I tried ignoring him, shhhing him, picking him up for a cuddle, rocking and singing but nothing would work other than a feed. The night before last was bad with 4 wake ups but last night was horrendous.

He wasn't very well at the start of the week (sickness) and I've got a really bad cold at the moment so it could be that. He does keep coughing in the day a little and every now and again he sounds a touch congested.

I've been told by others it could be him struggling with sleep cycles and he needs my breast (but he didn't need my breast before Christmas and when he takes my breast he feeds for a while?), it could be him not being satisfied with just breast milk (we are starting weaning - porridge and single veggies but he's just turned 6 months so its early days), he's cold (I heat his bed and he is layered up), he needs sleep training (I've tried a few things like 'shhhing', establishing a routine, and ignoring/reassuring), he needs to nap better (he's always been terrible at day sleep, he has a couple of naps linked to motion (car/pram) but he's always been like this so why would this suddenly change nighttime?), it's a growth spurt he's cluster feeding (it could be - last night he fed loads but over the last 4 weeks he's been up 3 or 4 times a night for a feed when previously he wouldn't - do growth spurts last this long?)..

I'm just lost. I love my son, but I feel like I can't do it anymore. I don't have anyone to help and my husband does what he can but he works long shifts. My mental health has completely crashed and Ive lost myself. I've no idea if I'm looking for advice or reassurance I just needed to share. I only know a couple of other mums with babies and their babies sleep through so I feel like I can't talk to them as they don't get it.

I'm not looking for him to sleep through, I just need a couple of blocks of sleep so I can feel human and be the best mum I can be in the day.

OP posts:
moonseas · 11/02/2023 20:27

Hiya. Just wanted to message with some solidarity. My baby is now 9 months and has recently started doing 3+ hour long blocks of sleep. I did not think we would get here! Like your baby, sleep seemed to go to hell at 6 months following Covid and a trip to France - it’s been weird ever since! Like yours, my DD slept amazingly, even on a camping trip (she’d sleep 9 hours, quick feed, then back down for another 3 hours - oh how I miss that!). I haven’t changed anything I’m doing - it’s literally that the baby exits their early ‘sleepy stage’ and suddenly becomes more of a little person, going through all sorts of developmental milestones and experiences so sleep goes haywire.

The colds and little bugs definitely affect the sleep, as does teething.

Be sceptical of mums whose babies ‘sleep through’ - my group of friends are really honest and share the shitshow that is their baby’s sleeping patterns, and all of our babies sleep or have slept terribly! Ranging from 8-12 months, and 8 months is when sleep apparently ‘gets bad’ (pah!).

So I think it might be worth seeking out other mum friends if you want to share the woes! Trust me, there will be plenty with non-sleeping babies too.

As for practical help, I’ve gone the ‘lazy’ route and embraced co-sleeping. Could you do the same? My baby sleeps so much better cuddled up to me, and so everyone gets more sleep. Even if he spent the first section of the night in his cot, you could bring him into bed when you’re too tired to keep trying to resettle? That’s what I do! I’m a bit more stiff and achey but I’d choose more sleep + a stiff neck over no sleep + feeling rubbish anyway!

The feeding could simply be comfort if he’s feeling a bit rubbish, or scared, or cold, or thirsty. I still feed mine on demand over night - there’s a reason breast milk contains the ‘sleepy hormone’ for babies (it just works!).

You’re doing amazing and please don’t beat yourself up. Having a rubbish cold will definitely knock your resilience and mental health; you’ll be feeling more tired and down than usual, which is why you’re feeling so lost with it. But there’s no shame in having a chat with your HV or GP. Could be worth thinking about medication and/or counselling if it’s taking a real toll on you.

But I promise, even if you changed nothing, your baby’s sleep will improve at a point. You just need to decide how you’ll best cope in the meantime, and I’d really recommend cosleeping to do so. Hope that helps 😄

BabyOnBoard90 · 11/02/2023 20:37

@NewMumSmith Sorry to hear you're struggling, the lack of sleep can really take it's toll. My DC was also a difficult sleeper prior to sleep training.

Well, every situation is unique and complex so there is no silver bullet for sleep. Here afew things to consider:

  • Allowing time for child self-soothe and then returning every 5-10mins to comfort them, and then repeat.
  • Reviewing the day naps. Are they sleeping too much / too little?
  • when you put them down for bed, generally 7-8pm latest is ideal in my experience.
  • How much is he eating? At 6 months they can eat stomachs, you want to ensure they have all the nourishment they can get in the day to be able to fast through the night.
  • If child is still waking for food then perhaps slowly wean off night feed by reducing the amount /time slightly each day. Some people find it helps to give water instead
  • Lighting - Babies sleep better in dark conditions. Are you using blackout blinds / curtains?
  • Temperature, ensure they are not too hot /too cold.
  • Remove all sleeps props, that means dummy, white noise, sshhing and excessive rocking
  • Is baby teething? Paracetamol/ibuprofen may be needed
  • Sleeping position- my child wouldn't sleep on back, so we settled with front sleeping and it was like a different baby.

Babies post 4 months have a similar sleep cycle to grown children. So you have to get them used to a sleep pattern /habit that they will ultimately carry for years to come. A 4year old, wouldn't typically expect to be a dummy, a rock or music to fall to sleep. Whatever you have the child accustomed to, that's what they'll need to sleep.

Finally be patient, what might sound like crying is actually a self-soothe expression some babies make before they sleep. Even more my DC is almost 9 months, and can shout for 5mins and go silent suddenly and sleep. You know your child, so you'll be able to tell the difference when they are actually in distress.

Remember, so long as you've fed baby, changed nappy, been given any medicine for pain and has you available to come in the room if something happens (it won't) they will be fine. The cries may feel like it will go on forever but it does calm down and gets shorter with each sleep as they learn to self-soothe. They can't stay up forever, they need sleep more than us so be patient.

This is just my advice, you are free to ignore /dismiss it and ultimately do what works best for you. My child is/was a terrible sleeper, but currently sleeps from 7pm to 5am despite this. Good luck

Eatentoomanyroses · 11/02/2023 20:42

My first didn’t sleep well until she was 2. My second is 26 months and we’re still waiting. i seem to remember her being particularly bad around 6 months. I just try to get to bed as soon as she does at least a few nights a week to try and get some sleep under my belt.

Original poster
NewMumSmith · 12/02/2023 10:50

Eatentoomanyroses · 11/02/2023 20:42

My first didn’t sleep well until she was 2. My second is 26 months and we’re still waiting. i seem to remember her being particularly bad around 6 months. I just try to get to bed as soon as she does at least a few nights a week to try and get some sleep under my belt.

Thank you. I think it helps just to know you are not alone. Sadly I already go to bed when baby goes to bed. He currently goes between 8 - 9pm - and that's an improvement! He used to go to bed at 10 - 11pm before Christmas. We are working on creeping it further forwards.
Hope your little one improves soon too.

OP posts:
Original poster
NewMumSmith · 12/02/2023 10:57

moonseas · 11/02/2023 20:27

Hiya. Just wanted to message with some solidarity. My baby is now 9 months and has recently started doing 3+ hour long blocks of sleep. I did not think we would get here! Like your baby, sleep seemed to go to hell at 6 months following Covid and a trip to France - it’s been weird ever since! Like yours, my DD slept amazingly, even on a camping trip (she’d sleep 9 hours, quick feed, then back down for another 3 hours - oh how I miss that!). I haven’t changed anything I’m doing - it’s literally that the baby exits their early ‘sleepy stage’ and suddenly becomes more of a little person, going through all sorts of developmental milestones and experiences so sleep goes haywire.

The colds and little bugs definitely affect the sleep, as does teething.

Be sceptical of mums whose babies ‘sleep through’ - my group of friends are really honest and share the shitshow that is their baby’s sleeping patterns, and all of our babies sleep or have slept terribly! Ranging from 8-12 months, and 8 months is when sleep apparently ‘gets bad’ (pah!).

So I think it might be worth seeking out other mum friends if you want to share the woes! Trust me, there will be plenty with non-sleeping babies too.

As for practical help, I’ve gone the ‘lazy’ route and embraced co-sleeping. Could you do the same? My baby sleeps so much better cuddled up to me, and so everyone gets more sleep. Even if he spent the first section of the night in his cot, you could bring him into bed when you’re too tired to keep trying to resettle? That’s what I do! I’m a bit more stiff and achey but I’d choose more sleep + a stiff neck over no sleep + feeling rubbish anyway!

The feeding could simply be comfort if he’s feeling a bit rubbish, or scared, or cold, or thirsty. I still feed mine on demand over night - there’s a reason breast milk contains the ‘sleepy hormone’ for babies (it just works!).

You’re doing amazing and please don’t beat yourself up. Having a rubbish cold will definitely knock your resilience and mental health; you’ll be feeling more tired and down than usual, which is why you’re feeling so lost with it. But there’s no shame in having a chat with your HV or GP. Could be worth thinking about medication and/or counselling if it’s taking a real toll on you.

But I promise, even if you changed nothing, your baby’s sleep will improve at a point. You just need to decide how you’ll best cope in the meantime, and I’d really recommend cosleeping to do so. Hope that helps 😄

Thank you. Your response is really kind and has certainly made me feel less alone. I've just got to keep going.

I know what you mean about other mums. It's just making me feel worse so I'm staying away for a while. I need some more strugglers!

I am going to phone the Dr/Health Visitor on Monday. I already take meds and have counselling but I am really struggling. Like you said, the virus hasn't helped - sneezing, coughing, headaches, dizziness and fatigue are making the exhaustion worse.

I did try co-sleeping for a bit last night when hubby went to work. He did actually sleep better so that might be a way forward. It's like you said- anything to get some rest. I'm just worried about the long term impact but here and now I just need to get through.

Thanks again for making me feel less alone.

OP posts:
Original poster
NewMumSmith · 12/02/2023 11:02

BabyOnBoard90 · 11/02/2023 20:37

@NewMumSmith Sorry to hear you're struggling, the lack of sleep can really take it's toll. My DC was also a difficult sleeper prior to sleep training.

Well, every situation is unique and complex so there is no silver bullet for sleep. Here afew things to consider:

  • Allowing time for child self-soothe and then returning every 5-10mins to comfort them, and then repeat.
  • Reviewing the day naps. Are they sleeping too much / too little?
  • when you put them down for bed, generally 7-8pm latest is ideal in my experience.
  • How much is he eating? At 6 months they can eat stomachs, you want to ensure they have all the nourishment they can get in the day to be able to fast through the night.
  • If child is still waking for food then perhaps slowly wean off night feed by reducing the amount /time slightly each day. Some people find it helps to give water instead
  • Lighting - Babies sleep better in dark conditions. Are you using blackout blinds / curtains?
  • Temperature, ensure they are not too hot /too cold.
  • Remove all sleeps props, that means dummy, white noise, sshhing and excessive rocking
  • Is baby teething? Paracetamol/ibuprofen may be needed
  • Sleeping position- my child wouldn't sleep on back, so we settled with front sleeping and it was like a different baby.

Babies post 4 months have a similar sleep cycle to grown children. So you have to get them used to a sleep pattern /habit that they will ultimately carry for years to come. A 4year old, wouldn't typically expect to be a dummy, a rock or music to fall to sleep. Whatever you have the child accustomed to, that's what they'll need to sleep.

Finally be patient, what might sound like crying is actually a self-soothe expression some babies make before they sleep. Even more my DC is almost 9 months, and can shout for 5mins and go silent suddenly and sleep. You know your child, so you'll be able to tell the difference when they are actually in distress.

Remember, so long as you've fed baby, changed nappy, been given any medicine for pain and has you available to come in the room if something happens (it won't) they will be fine. The cries may feel like it will go on forever but it does calm down and gets shorter with each sleep as they learn to self-soothe. They can't stay up forever, they need sleep more than us so be patient.

This is just my advice, you are free to ignore /dismiss it and ultimately do what works best for you. My child is/was a terrible sleeper, but currently sleeps from 7pm to 5am despite this. Good luck

Thanks for your response and providing some food for thought. Most of it I'm on top of (He doesn't have a dummy etc, the room is black, we monitor the temperature, no naps after 5pm (wotking on moving that earlier) etc) It's given me some things to think about and hope for the future. I just wish there was a magic wand - we'd all he happier if he slept - including him!

OP posts:
moonseas · 12/02/2023 18:06

@NewMumSmith You’re welcome! I’m so pleased it made you feel somewhat better, I really just wanted you to know we’re out here struggling too 🤣 And you’re doing a fab job!

Exactly; you need rest now, so do what you need to get through it. I’ve read other mums on here who use cosleeping as and when they need it, and their babies go back into cots when it’s a better spell of sleep. Lots of people will have opinions about it, and will warn you that you’re setting yourself up for years of sharing beds but (a) there will come a point when a child feels safe and secure in their bed and won’t need you there, fact! and (b) if we were in Japan, or any number of other countries and cultures, they share beds and rooms as the norm!

Don’t get me wrong, I’d LOVE my baby to sleep in her cot more so I could have my side of the bed back to myself fully lmao but I’m a lazy mum when darkness hits and I choose sleep over a futile exercise in getting the baby to stay in the cot. It will never be permanent anyway - babies change like the seasons and what works today might not work tomorrow, so do what works tonight!

I hope you start to recover from being poorly soon and start to feel a bit more yourself again 💐 if I knew you in real life I’d buy you a coffee and we could have a good chat/moan about it all! Best of luck ❤️

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