Why does baby sleep better at grandparents and not at home??

[Milly899]

my 8 month old slept at my mum and dads last night - she went into the cot with no fuss, just slept.
when she stayed at my mother in laws the other month - exactly the same, went in the cot, slept through.

at home - baby is a challenge to go into the cot and screams as she wants to be on me. Wakes up frequently and wants to be held.
WHY?!

the grandparents didn’t do anything magical; just fed and into bed. I try that and it does not work. DC has never been a good sleeper at home but now my parents are saying she’s playing up to me, I’m so confused. I’ve tried so many things.

any advice or insight much appreciated :( thank you

And were you there to witness this miracle?
if not nod, smile and ignore.

if you were there then it’s probably worth seeing what they did different to you.

Same for my dgs when he was a baby!
Slept through from 5 months here! Was 3 + elsewhere!!
Sometimes a break from routine really works.

Its because he wants you. When at grandparents you're not there so no point fussing.

I know my own mum brushes over if my son was whingy because she doesn't want me to worry when he comes and stays is that not maybe part of the reason, they want you to think he's ok

I looked after my brothers kids when him and his wife had to go away for a few days. The youngest was about 10 months and a really clingy sleeper, my sister in law was worried sick. She went to bed at 7 and slept round until 7 every single night. Good as gold, reverted back when they came home. 🤣🤣

Your baby wants you. They want the bond and connection they have to you. That’s why the settle elsewhere because the person who means the most to them isn’t there.

Also, grandparents like to embellish to make out that they are better at looking after their grandchildren and to ensure they get to look after them more in the future.

Hmm. I wonder if your baby actually did sleep that well? I have heard stories of people claiming this and then later admitting baby cried a lot and they just left them and so on... obviously hope that hasn't been the case.

My mum used to say DS slept through, she later admitted he never did but didn't want me to feel bad.

@Milly899 DS2 was an absolute pain till about 4. We moved, downsized, he had to share a bedroom with his Bro. First night he just rolled over said "night night" and went to sleep in an instant.

Kids are bonkers.

Fully concur.

Absolutely bonkers

Eldest was the same. Would always be golden child for granny and granda. (She still is)

Would sleep through no bother there, even if I stayed over too. Soon as home, 2am "MUMMMMMMYYYY"

Ohhhhh gawd same for you aswell we have 3 twin 1 yr olds and a 2 and everytime they sleep at grandparents and come home and are lil nightmares 🤣🤣

You're the most interesting and dear person to your child. You're not there so no point unless you're really determined.

This.

If he was with them permanently, and one of them was the baby's primary bond, baby would revert to waking up and asking for primary carer.

You are not doing anything wrong. But being that primary bond is fucking hard work (with some babies), so enjoy the fact that you can get breaks from it every so often!

I don’t think it is just about wanting mum. DD is three and has always slept better with both grannies than at home - they report the same pattern (and the occasional horror story!) so I’d be surprised if they embellished it.

With us (anywhere, so it’s nothing to do with her bedroom) she is a regular 5am waker; with either granny it’s 7.

I saw a gorgeous post about this on Instagram, basically the kids were happy with granny until they saw their mom and then lost it. They were safe when she was back - emotionally.

Also I've witnessed first hand my DM lying. BIL has told me that DMIL eventually confessed she lied to them too.

If you were not there all night then it's likely that the baby did not sleep through the night - your parents and inlaws might not be lying about it though - they might not have woken up as easily as you to any initial crying, and that meant your baby ended up self soothing and going back to sleep. An accidental sleep training.

I used to swear blind my MIL lied about dc being no trouble. Mostly because my DM was brutally honest when they stayed with her at the same age 🤣

Now that they’re older, they’ve TOLD me (well, older one has told me and both are kept on same schedule, their grandparents’ schedule) they go to bed around 9pm (7pm at home) so are totally wiped out after a physically exhausting day, so minimal bedtime crying preceding totally conking out. And waking up at 8am!

I think parents fuss more than grandparents, I have seen parents say (forums and in normal life) their bed time routine can take hours

Grandparents seem to just get on with it

We started a short bedtime routine with our child from newborn stage and never stopped no idea if it was this or some other unknown thing but something worked as went down at 6pm and woke up at 6ish-am

My DD used to sleep in my mums room with her when I went back to work (she was 8 months) cause I had to get up at 4am. My mum always told me she slept through no problems until one morning I heard my DD ‘singing’ at 4:30am and when I went in my mum was sparko 🤣 Happened more than once too! She just never heard her!

I think grandparents just tend to drown out the noise after years of practice with us!